A Woman Named Titi Pierce Is Suing Ellen DeGeneres For Making Fun Of Her Name

Back in February, Ellen DeGeneres did a segment on Ellen called “What’s Wrong with These Ads…And These Signs” about some LOL-worthy pictures of signs that were sent in by viewers. Right after Ellen showed a picture of a place called the Nipple Convalescent Home, she put up a picture of a home’s for sale sign featuring a real estate agent from Georgia named Titi Pierce. Which is funny, because pierced nipples. Truly some boundary-pushing comedy. However, one person wasn’t laughing, and that person was Titi Pierce herself.

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Johnny Depp Brought Out His Donald Trump Impression On Ellen

Poor Ellen DeGeneres. It’s like anywhere she looks, her eyes are going to land on something gross. Look down at the monitor, giant picture of Johnny Depp in disturbing Donald Trump prosthetics. Look up, Johnny Depp in real life looking like a guy at a state fair who tries to sell you a snake at the hand washing station next to the Port-O-Potties.

It’s been a week full of impressions on Ellen! Yesterday, Kanye West gave us a spot-on impression of a person who should probably start going to weekly Deluded Narcissists Anonymous meetings, and today we have Johnny Depp doing his impression of Donald Trump while promoting Alice Through The Looking Glass on Ellen. We were first introduced to Johnny’s Donald three months ago after Funny or Die released the trailer for The Art Of The Deal, a made-for-TV movie parody based on Trump’s book of the same name. Thankfully Ellen didn’t ask Johnny to put on the wig or the saggy latex citrus skin eye bags. Mixing Donald drag with Johnny’s crusty capped nightmare teeth would have taken it from funny to terrifying.

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Bullying Will Be Over If Kanye West Designs Shoes For Payless

Kanye West shot an appearance on Ellen (it aired today), and they really should’ve temporarily changed the show’s name to KANYE! During her interview time with Kanye, Ellen DeGeneres should’ve just quietly exited stage left and chilled out in her dressing room until he was done (which would’ve been the day after never), because he took control. At one point, Kanye turned away from Ellen and addressed the audience as though he was giving a TED Talk if TED stood for Titanic-sized Egomaniacal Delusions.

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The Time That Johnathon Schaech Was Ellen’s Merkin

Around the same time that Johnathon Schaech set the tips of my young gay nipples on fire by going topless in How To Make An American Quilt, he briefly got into the beard merkin game. The ex Mr. Christina Applegate, who’s currently on DC’s Legends of Tomorrow, did a Reddit AMA (via Towleroad) on Sunday, and one Redditor brought up the time in 1995 when he was photographed with Ellen DeGeneres at events. Apparently, back then, Johnathon also talked about dating Ellen. During his AMA, Johnathon said that his manager set them up, because Ellen was afraid that if people found out she was a certified gayelle, her sitcom would tank.

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Tears On Her Double-Double: Adele Cried After Her Wonky Grammys Performance

“Tears On My Double-Double” is my favorite Adele song that never was.

The morning after the Grammys, a few piano mics were burned and their ashes were dumped in a landfill. Their family members didn’t even get to have a proper burial, because they brought shame upon this world by screwing up Adele’s Grammys performance. Adele’s performance was filled with sound mess-ups and pitchiness. She said on Twitter that it all went to shit after mics fell onto the piano strings. Adele took herself to In-N-Out afterward, because nothing eases the hurt like sticking your tongue between the soft buns of a Double-Double.

The third greatest singer in the universe (after Celine Dion and Icy Spicy Leoncie, of course) went on Ellen (the episode airs today) and talked about the glitch heard around the planet. Adele blamed it on the mic drop (and not a good kind of mic drop) and said that when that happened, she knew her performance was doomed. Adele also said she was pitchy, but she’s usually always pitchy. She cried about it afterward, but said that she would’ve cried even if it was an amazing performance. Adele is a cry-inducing crier! The video of Adele talking about her Grammy woes to Ellen DeGeneres is after the cut.

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On The Next Episode Of American Horror Story: Meth Lab…..

Saint Laurent’s show at The Hollywood Palladium in L.A. was last night and I guess the invitation read: Come dressed as a strung-out performer in Florida’s Meth Circus. I’m also guessing that Justin Bieber and Lady CaCa were the only ones who followed that dress code because DAMN. Gaga looks like a drunk, clingy auntie who is trying to relive her glory days by wearing one of her favorite outfits from the 80s and Justin Bieber looks like her messy teen nephew who is impatiently waiting for her to pass out into a drunken coma so he can go into her purse and steal enough money to buy a baggy of the bad shit.

If you’ve ever wondered what it would look like if Nancy Spungen played Susan in Desperately Seeking Susan, wonder no more. If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Hmmm, I wonder what it would look like if Harpo Marx played Riff Raff, Columbia AND Magenta in a community theater production of Rocky Horror Picture Show?“, you don’t have to ask yourself that question anymore. Lady Gaga answered both of those questions at the Saint Laurent show last night when she showed up in a sequined blazer that screamed, “affordable Michael Jackson impersonator,” makeup that screamed, “cracked out Casper the Friendly Ghost,” and a wig that looked like a pile of uncooked curly fries.

Gaga, Justin Bieber and his struggle stache managed to achieve the impossible, though. They managed to be the messiest messes at an event that Courtney Love was at. Because when Courtney Love showed up looking clean and hot, I doubt the door person said to her, “Um, no loitering! No loitering,” like they did with the Biebs and Gaga.

So Gaga and Justin Bieber should give themselves a slow clap for that.

And here’s a million more pictures from last night’s show including some of the hotness personified that is the Kravitz family and American-Canadian fresh drew drop Pamela Anderson with her son Brandon Lee who used an entire jar of hair grease to give you “Young Elvis.”

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash