Not that long ago, a wise tone-deaf philosopher named Kimberly Kardashian revealed the secret of business success was to get one’s fucking ass up and work. Well, Kourtney Kardashian took her sister’s advice, got her ass up, and did some of the heaviest lifting the Kardashian family has ever seen. Right after bringing their PDA-laced love to the red carpets of the Oscars and the Grammys, Kourtney and her fiancé Travis Barker went ahead and got themselves a hat trick of attention by rolling into a wedding chapel in Las Vegas and having themselves a little marriage ceremony. But, as it has recently been noted, it’s not likely that Kourtney and Travis are hers n’ his in the eyes of the law right now.
What’s that common saying about getting over an ex? Something like, the best way to get over your ex-wife is to hook up with the actress from Uncut Gems and immediately do a weird interview about it? Yeah, I believe it’s something like that. After we first learned that 44-year-old Christian egomaniac Kanye West had gone on several dates with 31-year-old Julia Fox, Julia herself decided to confirm the rumors by writing a piece for Interview magazine about her dates with Kanye, complete with – and forgive me for describing it as such – a sexy photoshoot orchestrated by Kanye for their second date. Yeah, strap in – Horny Boyfriend Kanye is back.
I am so glad to hear that Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker haven’t deviated from their unwavering aesthetic, which is of course: the absolute horniest adults in the room. Guests at a recent wedding got to experience such libido-based theatrics, when Kourtney and her fiancé Travis walked in and silently announced that the show was now all about them, so pull up a seat, and maybe grab a plastic poncho if you’re seated in the splash zone. Naturally, lots of people thought it was highly inappropriate for Kourtney and Travis to turn that wedding venue into their own personal rec room couch.
It’s time to officially say goodbye to the man now formerly known as Kanye Omari West, and say hello to the newest member of the mononymously-named entertainers club, Ye. Madonna. Cher. Beyoncé. Snoopy. Ye. Not short for Yeezy, or Yeezus, just Ye. Kanye filed papers back in August to legally change his name to just Ye, and unlike his other harebrained schemes like becoming President or living in Wyoming or building low-income housing, Ye successfully completed this one!
Paris Hilton is engaged for the fourth time in her life, as you already know, and this engagement seems like the one that might actually end with her getting married. She’s busy planning the perfect celebration for herself and her fiancé, Carter Reum. And as such, one of the biggest elements to her perfect day needs to be figured out. What will Paris wear?! Except, in this case, it’s more like “What won’t Paris wear“, because she plans on going through a week and a half’s worth of dresses when she says “I do.”
I think many can agree that Janet Jackson was done dirty after Justin Timberlake closed out the 2004 Super Bowl Halftime Show by ripping off her detachable titty cover and exposing her right boob. A few months ago, Justin finally clued in and realized that he was arguably the villain during that Super Bowl moment, and publicly acknowledged that Janet deserved an apology. He never said what he was apologizing for, and if he was looking for a reason to issue a follow-up statement, well – maybe he can reference some recent comments made by Janet’s then-stylist. Because according to stylist Wayne Scot Lukas, Justin allegedly pushed for a “wardrobe malfunction” because he wanted to upstage all the attention and publicity Britney Spears got six months earlier for kissing Madonna at the MTV VMAs. Justin Timberlake? Being jealous of a woman’s attention and feeling the need to one-up her in the most obnoxious way? That definitely doesn’t sound like something Justin Timberlake would do.