Category: Chris Pratt
Chris Pratt Cried When The Internet Came After Him For His “Healthy Daughter” Comments
Forget about the moon landing, the return of the McRib, or the series finale of The Golden Girls – where were you when Chris Pratt made the internet practically throw out their backs from cringing too hard when he thanked his wife Katherine Schwarzenegger for giving him a “gorgeous healthy daughter“? Okay, so you were probably sitting in front of a computer screen or a couple of inches away from a smartphone. A redundant question, I know. But now we know where the man formerly known as Chris was when all that was going down, and apparently, he was elbow deep in a box of tissues to soak up a river of salty sad tears.
Chris Pratt Rejects The Name Chris And Blames His Love Of God For People Calling Him The Worst
We’re not going to have Worst Chris to kick around anymore because Chris Pratt has decided he doesn’t want to be any kind of Chris anymore. According to Entertainment Weekly, Chris wholeheartedly rejects his given name and would prefer the world address him as “Pratt. CP. You know, CP. ‘Hey, CP.'” Pratt, or CP.” Presumably still acceptable are Worst Garfield, Worst Avenger, Worst Super Mario Brother, and Worst Artist Formerly Known as Chris.
Chris Pratt Says That His Super Mario Voice Is “Unlike Anything You’ve Heard”
Last year, a producer on the upcoming Super Mario movie starring Chris Pratt, came out to say that we were going to LOVE Chris’ Mario voice. Now Chris himself says that we should be hyped because his Mario voice “unlike anything you’ve heard in the Mario world.” But that doesn’t mean something good necessarily, does it? The original CGI Sonic in Sonic the Hedgehog was unlike anything seen in the Sonic world and yet it was also so terrible they re-did the whole thing, so…
The Trailer For “Jurassic World: Dominion” Is Here
The trailer for the third and final movie in the Jurassic World trilogy is here. And Jurassic World: Dominion brings back Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard who starred in the first two JW movies as burly ex-Navy, animal-researcher Owen Grady, and former deadly theme park Operations Manager, Claire Dearing. Jeff Goldblum who was in the first two Jurassic Park movies as Dr. Ian Malcolm and reprised his role in the second Jurassic World movie is also back. And so are OGs Sam Neill as Dr. Alan Grant and Laura Dern (with some great bangs) as Dr. Ellie Sattler. It doesn’t come out until June 10, so hopefully, by then, it’s safe to go to the theaters again so we can cheer on the dinosaurs as they take on Chris Pratt.
Chris Pratt Made Another Social Media Tribute To His Wife, But Kept It Normal This Time
The last time Chris Pratt decided to celebrate his wife, Katherine Schwarzenegger, on social media, it backfired on him explosively hard, like a Christian rock band plugging an amp into a church meeting hall’s low-voltage power outlet. Last month, Chris posted a picture of them, and waxed poetic about how important it was to get you a wife who looked at you like you were a delicious footlong assorted sub, and thanked her for birthing him a “healthy” baby girl. The post was criticized for being many things, among them being a slap in the face to his ex-wife Anna Faris, who gave birth to his premature son. Chris clearly learned his lesson from that experience, because it was Katherine’s birthday this week, and Chris didn’t make the same mistake twice.
A “Super Mario Bros.” Producer Swears We’re Gonna Love Chris Pratt’s Mario Voice!
I think We The People have been perfectly clear about our objection to Chris Pratt voicing a Japanese-born cartoon Italian plumber in the upcoming untitled Super Mario Bros. movie, and it has nothing to do with the prospect of Chris and Lady Gaga competing for an Oscar in the category of Best Worst Italian Caricature. Obviously, that would be awesome, but no, We The People object because of shit like this. And this. And also this. We just don’t trust him, OK! But according to TooFab, Mario Bros. producer Chris Meledandri seems to be under the mistaken impression that people are complaining because they didn’t cast somebody from the Italianx community. So if that’s your issue, don’t worry. Not only is Meledandri an Italian-American himself, Charlie Day who plays Luigi, also comes from Italian heritage. But that’s not good enough for me. Not one person involved with the production knows shit-all about plumbing. And that’s the real issue here. Chris Pratt may be a tool, but he certainly doesn’t know how to use a wrench.