We’re not going to have Worst Chris to kick around anymore because Chris Pratt has decided he doesn’t want to be any kind of Chris anymore. According to Entertainment Weekly, Chris wholeheartedly rejects his given name and would prefer the world address him as “Pratt. CP. You know, CP. ‘Hey, CP.'” Pratt, or CP.” Presumably still acceptable are Worst Garfield, Worst Avenger, Worst Super Mario Brother, and Worst Artist Formerly Known as Chris.
Appearing on the Sirius XM show Pop Culture Spotlight With Jessica Shaw, Worst Wife Complimentor let us know he’s no more of a Worst Chris than he is a Worst ChrisTIAN. Would a Worst Christian’s favorite golfing buddy be his pastor, Chad? I think not! Entertainment Weekly reports:
Chris Pratt — dinosaur fighter, intergalactic crusader, voicer of Mario — is known for many things, particularly being a member of the Hollywood Chris Club (HCC), co-chaired by Chris Evans and Chris Hemsworth with a permanent seat on the security council for Chris Pine.
These young, incredibly photogenic, white, cis, straight men have had the cinematic world in their vice-like grips for a decade, but it turns out, there’s been an impostor amongst their ranks. In a recent interview with SiriusXM’s Pop Culture Spotlight With Jessica Shaw, Pratt came out as a non-Chris to those who know him best.
“What do they call you?” Shaw asked The Terminal List star. “Pratt?”
“Yep. Pratt. CP. You know, CP. ‘Hey, CP.'” Pratt, or CP, answered. “But no one calls me Chris. My friend, Chad. I went golfing with my friend, Chad, my pastor the other day and he was like, ‘No one calls you Chris? I’m gonna call you Chris. Alright, Chris. You’re up.’ And I was like, ‘No, it feels weird. It’s not my name. Don’t call me Chris.'”
Now don’t get me wrong, Hey, CP is still The Worst, generally speaking, he’s just no longer the Worst of our current crop of celebrity Chrises. Need proof? In a new interview with Men’s Health, Worst Kinda Kennedy says he thinks he’s pinpointed the event that caused the world to turn against him. Cast your mind back to the 2018 MTV Music Video Awards, if you will. ‘memba them? No me either but it was the night Worst Pet Friend was asked to give an “inspiring” acceptance speech, so he chose to namedrop his #1Homeboy #UpThere, #God. (via Men’s Health)
A few years ago, he explains, he was asked to give a speech at the MTV Movie & TV Awards as the recipient of a Generation Award (a lifetime-achievement honor for people with a lot of life left to live), and he was instructed to say something inspiring. So, standing next to a trophy made of golden popcorn, he spoke from the heart: “God is real. God loves you. God wants the best for you.” He also said, “Don’t be a turd.” But people mostly just remember the God part.
“Maybe it was hubris. For me to stand up on the stage and say the things that I said, I’m not sure I touched anybody,” he offers, and he gets why people were put off. “Religion has been oppressive as fuck for a long time,” he says as we walk over a tiny footbridge, the words spilling out in an emotional tidal wave. “I didn’t know that I would kind of become the face of religion when really I’m not a religious person. I think there’s a distinction between being religious—adhering to the customs created by man, oftentimes appropriating the awe reserved for who I believe is a very real God—and using it to control people, to take money from people, to abuse children, to steal land, to justify hatred. Whatever it is. The evil that’s in the heart of every single man has glommed on to the back of religion and come along for the ride.”
See, people aren’t anti-The Anti-Chris because of his affiliation with anti-LGBTQ church Hillsong. Well, not directly since Chris says he was never even a member of Hillsong. Instead, he says he attends Zoe Church, a covertly anti-LGBTQ church that is modeled on Hillsong, led by Justin Bieber‘s current spiritual advisor, and defrocked sleazeball Carl Lenz‘s more gooberish hipster counterpart, Chad Veach. You see, unlike Hillsong, Zoe Church refuses to state their position on LGBTQ issues, although Chad and his wife did executive produce a movie that equates “sexual brokenness” with “same-sex attraction.” So we’re just going to have to take Worst Analogizer’s word for it that unlike, Hillsong, Zoe Church would never use religion in order to control people, take their money, abuse their power, steal land, or justify hatred. Their services are held in a movie theater or online. How cool and progressive is that? No stolen land required! When asked why he didn’t mention that he never attended Hillsong when he responded to Elliot Page‘s criticism, Worst Teller of Half Truth‘s had this to say:
What he didn’t say then—and what he tells me now—is: “I never went to Hillsong. I’ve never actually been to Hillsong. I don’t know anyone from that church.” Okay. Why not say that at the time?
“I’m gonna, like, throw a church under the bus?” he replies, before reconsidering. “If it’s like the Westboro Baptist Church, that’s different.” No one’s suggesting that. But he could have, ya know, read up on Hillsong. Pratt tells me he attends Zoe Church, but I’m not sure the distinction will satisfy his critics. Zoe, also popular with celebrities like Justin and Hailey Bieber, was founded by pastor Chad Veach. He executive- produced a 2017 film that equated “sexual brokenness” with “same-sex attraction.” Pratt also mentions that he doesn’t go to Zoe exclusively. When it came time for Lyla to be baptized, he and his wife chose a norm-y Catholic church in Santa Monica where she worshipped as a kid.
Worst Poet‘s God forbid anybody throw a multi-million dollar mega church under the bus in the defense of the LGTBQ+ community. I dunno, folks. Something just isn’t adding up here. Just a thought but maybe people think Pratt is the Worst Chris because he’s full of shit? But hey, what do I know. I’m an atheist and I was voted Worst Mieka several years running. And there are only three of us!
Pic: Faye`s Vision/Cover Images/INSTA