Open Post: Hosted By The Time Billy Crystal Got High Before His MRI

August 13, 2021 / Posted by:

Earlier this week Billy Crystal (seen above with stoner eyes provided by Photoshop and me) went on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon and shared a talk-show-anecdote about how he recently got super-high for an MRI. I’ll take Horrible Ideas for $1000, Blossom! 73-year-old Billy explains to Jimmy that the saga began when he fucked up his right hip while exercising. He went to the doctor, who informed him they needed to do an MRI to investigate. This made Billy anxious cuz he’s very claustrophobic, so while he was alone in the hospital, he popped four edible gummies. Why so many? Well, the guy at the cannabis store (Billyshopped in the senior’s section) told him that two edibles would make him feel “good,” and Billy replied, “I really want to feel fabulous!”

Billy says the doctor told him if he needed assistance, he should squeeze this special signal thingy. So Billy jokes (I think it’s a joke) that, about a half-hour in, he got really hungry and squeezed the thing. He asked the doctor, “Is there a Taco Bell nearby?” And 40 minutes in he asked, “I’m thinking Postmates, would they deliver?” Billy says he didn’t wanna open his eyes because he was scared, so eventually, he nodded off. When staff finally took him out of the machine, he walked right out of the hospital, and was informed that he was still in his hospital gown, “and your ass is hanging out.” Billy says he got dressed and drove directly to Taco Bell.

Here’s the interview. The MRI stuff is around 1:20:

Now, did Billy really ask for junk food and leave the hospital ass-out? Or was he simply exaggerating (or, “painting with a wide brush,” as my mother would say) for the bit? We may never know, but Jimmy Fallon clearly enjoyed the story, as he was convulsing with laughter the entire interview. Seriously, if anybody needs an MRI, it’s that guffawing hyena. Something’s not quite right.


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