There’s a new “special look” trailer for the upcoming Mary Poppins Returns, and in it we learn that Mary is a dangerous sociopath hellbent on delivering the Banks children straight to hell. First she tries to drown them in a tub full of acid, then she enlists a dolphin army to do unspeakable crimes to them. When that doesn’t do the trick, Mary repeatedly tries to shoot the innocent youths directly into the sun by various means. This is Emily Blunt at her most sinister.
Here is the new trailer.
There are also men with flaming torches, rickety-ass ladders, cannon fire, and a wealthy penguin who probably ate his own newly hatched chicks smothered in caviar, and chased them down with a mid-range bottle of Dom Perignon (the cheap bastard). I’ll frankly be amazed if the Banks children live to see the sequel.
We also get a “special hear” of one of the new songs that will be featured. “Can You Imagine That?” is presumably one of the jams penned by Emily’s co-star Lin-Manuel Miranda. There’s a lot of spoken lyrics in the song and Mary sounds droll and very much over it. She must be so fed up being surrounded by gaping mouths and gasps of wonderment. Mary Poppins has fucking seen it all and she’s tired, ya’ll. If you could shoot magic out of your tits, you’d be bored to tears by the gobsmacked proletariat too.