John Travolta Presented Taylor Swift’s MTV VMA To Drag Queen Jade Jolie

This year was the 10th anniversary of the time Kanye West jumped on stage at the MTV VMAs and snatched Taylor Swift’s award out of her hands. It’s also been five years since John Travolta let everyone know he had no clue who Idina Menzel was. Well, John Travolta decided to combine the two legendary award show train wreck moments into one last night when he took the award meant for Taylor Swift, and tried to put it in the hands of Taylor Swift’s drag queen lookalike.

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It Was Really Only A Matter Of Time Before This Happened

A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on Nov 1, 2015 at 1:14am PST

To be clear, the “this” I’m referring to is Taylor Swift singing with Idina Menzel, not Taylor Swift dressed up in a Disney character costume. I doubt that’s new. I’m sure Tay Tay has a whole dress-up trunk filled with Disney Store costumes that gets hauled out at every Sugar Cookie Squad sleepover.

For a while there, Taylor’s “Please welcome to the stage” game was getting a little random (I’m looking at you, Mick Jagger’s people), and I was afraid she was going to run out of famous friends and start welcoming a bunch of non-famous friends to the stage. Like her car mechanic, or the person who releases the woodland animals into her bedroom every morning so she can recreate Sandy’s part of the Grease opening credits. But at Tay Tay’s final show in the U.S. last night, she decided to make a million little girl dreams come true by “Please welcome to the stage“-ing the voice of Elsa from Frozen to sing “Let It Go“.

See, Adele Dazeem makes sense! First of all, Tay Tay is a die-hard theater kid trapped in the body of a…well, a very lanky theater kid. Second, Tay Tay is pretty much the real-life version of Elsa (blonde, always singing, able to freeze people out). Plus, you know Taylor Swift is the only person left on Earth who isn’t totally sick of “Let It Go” by now.

A video posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on Oct 31, 2015 at 10:23pm PDT

The only downside is that Tay Tay now has to live with the realization that she just pissed off all the little girls who went to her shows in Los Angeles. “Wait, they got Elsa, and we got Joey from Friends? NOT FAIR!“

Chrissy Teigen’s Dress Was Out For Blood Last Night

For those of you who are reaching for your glasses and wondering who hired Robert Gimlin and the ghost of Roger Patterson to operate the cameras for the Billboard Music Awards, don’t worry – it’s not you. The above image is blurry because current film technology isn’t advanced enough to catch the ninja-like speed of Chrissy Teigen’s dress as it attempted to take out the poor woman walking behind her. Forget Taylor Swift and her gangly gang of suburban road warriors; Chrissy’s dress was the real deadly assassin at the BBMAs.

As Chrissy was walking to the stage with her co-host Ludacris, some woman tried to cut across behind her, but I guess she caught the back of Chrissy’s dress and instead of her ass landing in her seat, it landed on the floor. Unfortunately, Chrissy didn’t have time to be the wind beneath that lady’s wings and lift her ass off the ground, so she kept walking. Does anyone have an extra sweater? It just got COLD!

But Chrissy Teigen would like you to know she’s not a icy-hearted ho who enjoys watching clumsy tricks struggle all over the floor. According to Chrissy, Chrissy didn’t know there was a Code BOOM happening behind her.

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Luther The Anger Translator Made An Appearance At The WHCD Last Night

We already know the theme of this year’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner was straight-up hotness, thanks to living boner maker Jane Fonda, but just in case we needed a reminder, President Obama brought out one of the hottest characters from Key & Peele, Luther the Anger Translator. If you’ve never seen Key & Peele and have no idea what I’m talking about, Luther (played by Keegan-Michael Key) is President Obama’s anger translator and it’s his job to translate what President Obama says into yelling and rage-eyes. It’s basically the long-lost son of Coach Hines and an eight ball mixed with the before stock image from a high blood pressure pamphlet at CVS.

I wish ‘anger translator’ were an actual job, because I can think of about 12 real-life uses for one. Like every time I try to return something at Sephora and they keep pressing me for a reason. It would be real handy to have someone behind me yelling “IT GAVE ME A RASH IN A PLACE I CAN’T SHOW YOU! THERE, YOU HAPPY NOW?!”

I didn’t watch the whole WHCD because I had better things to do, ie. re-watching Super High Me and eating a box of Goo Goo Clusters, but I did catch some of it, like host Cecily Strong’s joke about Joe Biden giving a good shoulder massage (“Or as I call ’em, upstairs hand jobs. Wink!” whispered Joe Biden to whatever woman was sitting closest to him). I also saw a bit of Obama’s speech, and I guess so did Roseanne, because she pulled a Luther and went on a Twitter rant accusing him of stealing her jokes.

Here’s a bunch of the fancy-dressed famous types at the WHCD last night, including a very knocked-up, very Kardashian-in-the-face Naya Rivera, Chrissy Teigen looking like a sexy model at a goth car show, plastic feline-faced goddess Melania Trump and her partially-decomposing Christmas clementine of a husband, and Laverne Cox – as always – doing Beyonce better than Beyonce.

Pics: Splash

Idina Menzel Went Blonde

Don’t worry, I’ll wait while you retrieve your jaws from the floor, since I assume they all dropped from shock after reading this BREAKING news. Idina Menzel, the person Lea Michele pretends to be when she gets bored of playing low-budget Barbra, used to have dark brown hair. She pretty much had dark brown hair forever. But yesterday she tweeted a picture of herself with blonde hair and the words:

“Look what me and my girl @jenytamera did today. Needed a change. Loving it! #brunettetoblonde #blondehairdontcare“

I have to admit, those blonde highlights and that middle part are working for her. It’s sort of giving me a 1999 Delia’s catalogue Bottled Emotion 8th grade cool girl vibe, and I don’t hate it. However, I am disappointed that she didn’t complete the look with a baby blue Airwalk jacket, a white ribbed baby tee, 12 glittery butterfly clips, and half a pencil’s worth of chalky white eyeliner.

Idina Menzel didn’t say why she needed a change, but I bet it has something to do with wanting to go incognito after that creepy face-molesting moment she had with John Travolta at the Oscars this year. Is dying your hair part of the Witness Protection Program’s guide to hiding your identity? First it’s the hair, then it’s a legal name change. I see you, Adele Dazeem.

In case you’re looking at the picture above and thinking “Wasn’t Elsa from Frozen always blonde?“, here’s a bunch of pre-bleach pictures of Idina to remind you what she used to look like:

Pics: Wenn.com

Jorn Tromolto Has Been Beating Himself Up Over Calling Idina Menzel “Adele Dazeem”

Poor John Travolta. Ever since he screwed up Idina Menzel’s name at the Oscars, he’s been down in the Scientology dungeon beating himself over and over again. I think he meant to say that he’s been “beating himself off” over and over again, because he’s needed several massage therapists to knead out the embarrassment of him, a musical theater queen, screwing up a Broadway star’s name at the Oscars. In case you’re wondering, John Travolta’s embarrassment knot is in his prostate.

John Travolta, who’s either not dyslexic or is cured of dyslexia, released a statement today saying that he feels bad about murdering and butchering Idina Menzel’s name. The Gretchen Wieners of Scientology (Tommy Girl is so the Regina George) put it like this:

“I’ve been beating myself up all day. Then I thought, what would Idina Menzel say? She’d say, let it go, let it go! Idina is incredibly talented and I am so happy Frozen took home two Oscars Sunday night!”

People says that Idina Menzel isn’t mad about it. She thinks it’s funny.

John Travolta shouldn’t beat himself up for putting Idina Menzel’s name in a salad tosser, because you know bitch did it on purpose to try throw us off his musical theater trail. He did it last year with Lay Miserahbless. (Side Note: I really want to see Lay Miserahbless starring Adele Dazeem.) But John Travolta should beat himself up repeatedly for putting that tragic pile of electrocuted beaver pelts on his head. Where’s PETA?!

John Travolta has let it go and Idina Menzel has let it go, so let’s all let it go! Everybody let it go! And since John Travolta is in the “let it go” mood, that massage therapist he has his hand on would like him to do just that. Let it go, Jorn.