Dolly Parton Weaves Ridiculous Tale Of Her Breasts On “The Tonight Show”

November 21, 2019 / Posted by:

If you want a story with a twist don’t watch an M. Night Shyamalan movie, just listen to this absolutely wack-a-doodle tale spun by Dolly Parton while she was on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. I mean, I did not know where she was going with her story but it somehow ended up about her breasts? Of course it turns out she was just pulling our legs, but damn, she actually got me.

Entertainment Tonight says that Dolly Parton could operate a side-hustle as a professional troll because she managed to get Jimmy Fallon and his audience following along with a long tale meant only to end in a punchline about tig old bitties.

Dolly appeared Wednesday night to talk about her life, upcoming wig line (which I need to come out immediately!) and an NBC special celebrating Dolly being at the Grand Ole Opry for 50 years. During the appearance she went into a long story about her childhood and how she would take her mom and sister out on the money, like $15 a week, she made being a local child celebrity.

So one night, while out at a pancake restaurant with her mom and sister, an old man they didn’t know stopped by their table and sat down. He chatted them up for a bit and then left. When Dolly went up to pay the bill the waiter told her:

“Your grandpa left his bill here, too.”

That son of a bitch. You think only the youth are whippersnappers? Old people scam too! Hello? It’s called The Good Liar. Dolly knows:

“So that old man had come over and kind of scammed us.”

Dolly paid both bills and left the restaurant. They found the old man outside. Dolly confronted that sumbitch and told him she would’ve gladly paid his bill, but he didn’t need to lie and say he was her grandpa. That grifting pepaw responded by beating Dolly!

“He took his walking stick and started just beating me across the chest, just as hard as he could… and it hurt!”

Jimmy, who was clearly like: “Uh the fuck? This story just went left,” asked her what happened, because hopefully police intervened. But Dolly had a much more light-hearted response:

“What do you mean, what happened? These two big lumps came up and they never did go down.”

You goofy-ass woman! How dare you take me on that emotional ride for a punch-line about your legendary titties! Had me ready to find some old man’s grave, dig up his bones and burn them in holy fire. Dolly Parton: Trolling 9 to 5.

Here’s some of Dolly on The Tonight Show, her story comes near 5:50:

Pic: YouTube

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