The one thing I’ve learned in the last year is that dogs love peanut butter. If you put it on a spoon and give it to them they will be your best friend for life, or at least until you give them another spoonful. However, a man in Texas loves dogs so much he said “Fuck the spoon!” and covered his entire naked body (except for a skimpy gold speedo around his Snausages area) in delicious peanut butter then gave the bitches a treat by strutting around inside a public dog park. That sounds like the beginning of a highly illegal bestiality orgy porn or a highly illegal dog-eating-human snuff film.
Yodeling caroler of that one Christmas song your ear buds will be bleeding to until December 25, Mariah Carey, is catching flack after she posted a video of her kids, Moroccan and Monroe, being groomed to take over backups of said song. People aren’t only upset that “All I Want For Christmas” will carry over to the next generation, they are pissed because the 7-year-old twins weren’t wearing seatbelts in the car while singing.
Today’s cackle from Calabasas comes to you courtesy of a Bette Midler tweet gone oh-so-very wrong. Bette is normally a fiery presence on Twitter, and dragged Kim Kardashian for filth a few years back by saying if she wanted to take a selfie to show parts we hadn’t seen, she’d have to swallow the camera. Harsh! Accurate! Giggles! Well, nobody is giggling today (except maybe Kim since Bette is up Shit Creek) because Bette took to Twitter to say women are the “n-word of the world.” Yeah, she may not have thought before blasting that one out. Continue reading
This should be good news for anyone who has wanted to get rid of a bunch of cash in a dumb way but can’t find a pack of matches or a paper shredder. You will soon have the chance to pay to watch Chris Brown and Soulja Boy work out their anger by wailing on each other.
But probably not!
When you hire JLo to perform at your event, you should know that you’re going to get a whole lot of rhinestone-embedded ass and enough thrusting 45-year-old coochie to fill several cougar parties. It wouldn’t be a JLo show unless you left with bruised eyeballs from her bouncing ass and bruised eardrums from her live singing. But well some “educational group” in Morocco must not have heard of JLo before (How very Mimi of them), because they are suing her for tainting the eyes of the innocent with her devilry wimmun’ parts while performing at a show in Rabat, Morocco’s capital.
JLo performed at the Mawazine World Rhythms International Music Festival on May 29th and she did what JLo does. The New York Daily News says that many people, including that unnamed educational group, are highly offended and have called for the resignation of Morocco’s minister of communications for allowing that unholy ho shit to air on public TV. The minister isn’t going to resign, but is meeting with the “ethics committee,” because he doesn’t think it was right for JLo’s ass to grace Moroccan TV screens. JLo has performed in Morocco before, but this is the first time her show has been aired on Moroccan TV.
The “unnamed educational group” is also suing the promoter. In their lawsuit, the educational group states that JLo “disturbed public order and tarnished women’s honor and respect.” Disturbed public order? Oh, so I guess she did sing live. If JLo is found guilty, which she won’t be, she could be thrown into prison for 1 month to 2 years.
TMZ posted some clips of JLo scooting skid marks of sin on the pure eyes of Morocco:
Somewhere, Mariah Carey is currently taking online courses to become a judge in Morocco so that she can get I Don’t Know Her’s case and lock that trick up FOREVER!
Here’s the future Morocco jail bird filming scenes for her new TV show Shades of Blue in L.A. on Friday.
Because Cannes is a truly formal and sophisticated event that only lets in the most refined and elegant swans (see: the piece of trash above), they have a seriously strict dress code and will spit on any pair of lady feet that aren’t propped up on a high heel. So if you’ve got medical issues and wearing high heels kills your feet and makes you walk like a constipated penguin, suck it up, trick! Put on those high heels and fake smile through the pain, because you gotta get into Cannes! If you have no legs, strap a high heel to your head or wear them on your hands, because rules are rules and you gotta get into Cannes!