Ygritte and Jon Snow from Game of Thrones have been boning full-time for a while, but they took their love public at the Olivier Awards last night. I stopped watching GoT after the third or fourth episode, because there was too much dragon stuff and not enough dick stuff in it, so I don’t really know what this pairing means for fans. But I do know that Jon Snow probably says, “Watch the hair, sweetheart,” at least once while they’re doing it –  Lainey Gossip

Lilly Wachowski’s big coming out party happened at the GLAAD Awards over the weekend – Celebitchy

Tamra Judge and Vicki Gunvalson crashedtheir way into a new storyline for the Real Plastic Messes of Orange County – Reality Tea 

Chestica Simpson’s ass is still in a bathing suit – The Superficial 

And so is Bella Hadid’s – Drunken Stepfather

And Kate Bosworth too… – Popsugar

When it comes to writing his memoirs, Sir Ian McKellen just can’t – Jezebel

Things I’m not definitely not stoned enough for: The trailer for that movie where Harry Potter plays a farting corpse – Pajiba

Okay, but is Smithers a bottom, top or vers? I’m going with a dom power top – Towleroad

Well….at least Demi Lovato’s eyebrow situation doesn’t look a mess – Popoholic

And thanks to Chelsea Handler, I’m now picturing her asshole looking like Donald Trump’s face – Just Jared

Rosie O’Donnell is officially ready for her next marriage – HuffPo

Tattoos on hairy ass cheeks are NOT the look, but I still would… – OMG Blog 

It’s the triumphant return of Chloe Lattanzi! – Hollywood Tuna 

Charlize Theron’s nipple probably popped out because it wanted to get a peek at Thor – The Nip Slip 

Matthew Perry’s forehead is looking so smooth and hard that I just want to knead dough on it – SOW

Pic: Wenn.com

Yes, we’re still going on with the Hot Slut of the Month contests, even though I should’ve shut this shit down after Joan Collins lost hard against a dog in February. A DOG! Yes, I will never forget this and I will bring it up every month. But anyway, the foolery must go on and March’s HSOTM battle is between 4 important members of society who make this world a much better place. We’ve got a pussy king who keeps Chihuahuas in check, a birdie who turned Bernie Sanders into the Snow White of politics, a globe-trotting Photoshop queen and rap’s answer to William Blake.

As usual, the top 3 got the most Facebook likes of the month and the fourth one is the wild card pick chosen by my ass. Your choices this month are:

Richie Yuta – Instagram star and the pussy mob boss who is the leader of a gang of Chihuahuas in Bangkok.

Birdie Sanders – The bird friend who crashed a Bernie Sanders rally in Portland, Oregon.

Sevelyn Gat – The hero from Kenya who went on a thrilling trip to China through Photoshop. (Side note: She apparently deleted her Facebook page. Someone issue a CODE RED!)

CupcakKake – My current favorite rapper who spits out lines of pure poetry like: “I want to eat yo’ dick, but I can’t fuck up my nails, so Imma pick it up with chopsticks.”

Voting is below. The winning HSOTM will be announced on Friday! (SPOILER ALERT: It’s going to be Joan Collins and she’s going to win via write-in votes. Yes, all those write-in votes will be written by me.)

If someone was ever to ask me when was the first time I experienced a 100 proof What The Fuck moment, I’d tell them that it was probably when I was 4 or 5 and watched my barefoot abuelita in a housedress catch a flying bee with her fingers and sting her leg with it. If I knew what drugs were back then, I probably would’ve guessed that my abuelita spiked the tamarindo drink she made me earlier with some kind of hallucinogenic, because it was fucked up. My mom later told me that my abuelita stung herself with bees, because it helped her arthritis. There must be some kind of hidden lair in the mountains where abuelitas earn their black belts in chancelta-wielding and also learn how to sneak up on a bee all quiet-like.

Whenever I see a bee, I expect to see a stealth abuelita take off her house slippers so she can silently tiptoe up to it and snatch it before disappearing into yonder. But now whenever I see a bee, I’m going to think of the poor thing staring deep into Goopy Paltrow’s face right before it dies. While pimping out GOOP’s new skincare line in an interview with The New York Times (via People), Goopy admits that she’s been pricked by a bee before. Now, I do believe that life is better when you’ve got a bunch of pricks on your face, but Goopy isn’t talking about those kind of pricks. Goopy is talking about bee pricks and says that she’s stung herself in the name of beauty!

But generally, I’m open to anything. I’ve been stung by bees. It’s a thousands of years old treatment called apitherapy. People use it to get rid of inflammation and scarring. It’s actually pretty incredible if you research it. But, man, it’s painful.

Those poor ass bees. Nicolas Cage hates them, ninja abuelitas are always trying to murder them and now this! They probably felt a slight satisfaction from causing Goopy pain by stinging her in the ass, and now she’s taken that away by telling them that she actually likes it and embraces it. Damn that Goopy! She really has to go and ruin everything.

And judging by that SANS FARDS picture of the aftermath, Courtney Stodden also summoned the spirit of Angelica Pickles’ busted down Cynthia doll. Because The Porn Iguana definitely looks like Angelica Pickles used her to beat Tommy in the head before running over her with a tricycle.

Last night, the air in Southern California smelled like burnt plastic, and I figured that one of the Kartrashians farted again. But now I know what really happened. When you’re Courtney Stodden and you mix together massive amounts of Trader Joe’s wine, dark magic and a thirst for likes, you end up with a crispy fried rayon weave. Courtney and her purple rhinestone of a friend Sham Ibrahim held a seance on Periscope last night and tried to get Michael Jackson’s spirit to moonwalk into their presence. It worked, because Ghost Michael Jackson busted out a reboot of his Pepsi commercial on Courtney’s head:

Ok so during a seance to contact Michael Jackson, my hair went up in flames. I feel MJ had my curls catch fire as a sign he was there. His hair caught fire while filming a Pepsi commercial 🔥

A video posted by Courtney A Stodden (@courtneyastodden) on Apr 4, 2016 at 11:40am PDT

Maybe that wasn’t the spirit of Michael Jackson at all. Maybe it was Lucifer who took that open portal into Courtney’s house because he was coming to drag one of his minions, Doug Hutchison, down into the underworld with him. Or maybe it was Marilyn Monroe slapping at The Porn Iguana for wet scooting over her image time and time again. Yeah, that has to be it.

Pics: Splash, @CourtneyStodden

Unlike her ex-husband Blake Shelton, who will take any opportunity to shamelessly holler about how much he loves his new girlfriend, Miranda Lambert has remained a little more quiet about who she’s been pounding her biscuits n’ gravy against. Three months ago, we found out that she was rebounding with a R&B singer named Anderson East, and that was pretty much the last we heard about them. Well, last night they decided to remind everyone they were still dating by walking the red carpet of the Dolly Parton Appreciation Spectacular, aka the Academy of Country Music Awards.

A wise old (possibly-drunk) French Canadian woman once told a friend of mine that you have three options when it comes to your look: classy, sassy, or assy. Miranda knew her ex was going to be there, and as everyone knows, it’s always important to look your drop-dead sluttiest if there’s a chance you might run into your ex. Not to win them back, just to remind them about the hot ho they left behind. Sadly, Miranda went classy instead of assy and showed up in a butter yellow bridesmaid gown. Anderson East did the same by wearing a suit and not a sleeveless t-shirt that says “Hittin’ That” with an arrow pointing to Miranda. She did walk the line between sassy and assy with her shoes though.

Yes, that’s a gold-plated six shooter with a diamanté handle tucked into a tiny hot pink holster. Yes, her toes are dangerously close to the edge of the cliff. And yes, the dancers at the most popular gun-themed strip club in Texas, Half-Cocked, have already ordered several pairs online.

Here’s more of Miranda and her dude on the red carpet last night, as well as some of Miranda backstage wearing what appears to be the business casual version of Britney Spears’ iconic black tie rhinestone necklace.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

All together now (to the tune of The Isley Brothers’ That Lady): “Who’s that villain? (Who’s that villain?) Beautiful villain… (Who’s that villain?) Lovely villain… (Who’s that villain?) Real fine villain… (Who’s that villain?)”

The other day, Martin posted pictures of The Alien Lizard King gracefully leaping while in Ren Faire wizard drag on the NYC set of Doctor Strange. Those pictures probably made the Cumberbitches open sesame and squirt out a geyser of chunky excitement. But sadly for them, B. Cums was shown up over the weekend when Mads Mikkelsen set the sidewalk and genitals on fire by struttin’ for his life on the set. Hannibal’s eyes look like the chapped anus of that power bottom Barney, but yet he still looks faaaaaabulous! Work it, own it, Hannibal!

Nobody seems to know who Hannibal is playing. Some nerds think he’s playing a Doctor Strange villain called Nightmare and others think he’s playing some other evil trick. To me, Mads Mikkelsen looks like a strung-out Burning Man junkie who spent all his money on the bad shit and is begging you for a ride back to L.A. That is one of the most scariest and annoying creatures of all-time, so I’m going with that.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com