Back in February, Olivia Munn (seen above giving you business casual 70s Cher) took to Instagram to silence the haters who had accused her of popping into a plastic surgeon’s office and walking out with a new face. According to Olivia, her new-ish face was the result of the following things: losing weight while training on the set of X-Men: Apocalypse, reshaping her eyebrow situation, erasing her freckles with Proactiv, and Japanese potatoes. Well, Olivia is talking about her face once again, and this time she has a new reason for why she might look different: makeup! Olivia got into it during a recent interview with Fashion magazine to promote X-Men: Apocalypse.

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Somewhere deep in the bowels of the Scientology Centre bath house, a team of massage therapists are working the tensed-up knots out of John Travolta’s body (you decided where those tensed-up knots are) as he seethes over these pictures of Jonathan Rhys Meyers’ lush mop delicately blowing in the French air. John Travolta has to troll the finest taxidermy boutiques in Beverly Hills to find the creatures he wears on his head while JRM’s luxurious mane is naturally grown (I think). Fair: Life isn’t!

While looking like he just fell out of a European Lens Crafters ad, JRM and his stunning hair posed with Anika Noni Rose and Sookeh Stackhouse at a photo call for the History Channel’s Roots at the MipTV conference in Cannes today. Not pictured are all of the people behind the cameras who are slapping at their hands to keep themselves from gently stroking JRM’s gorgeous hair and/or shaving off that scraggly pussy patch on his chin.

And yes, I said Roots. You may be wondering why two out of three of the actors at a photo call for Roots are white. Well, this Roots is actually a ten-part mini-series about the rise of the JcPenney salon in the 70s and 90s. No, it’s really a remake of that Roots. The rest of the cast must have missed their flights. Yeah, that’s it.

Here’s more from today’s photo call as well as pictures of JRM and his fiancee at the premiere gala for Roots Rebooted.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

Never has an accidental hand shadow looked so appropriate. And yes, I know that the fingers make it look like there’s two dicks. But when you’re desperate for television dick, you’ll take whatever weird shit you can get.

During a recent interview with Amy Schumer’s current favorite magazine, Glamour, Emilia Clarke – aka Daenerys Targaryen (aka The Blonde Dragon Lady for those who don’t watch Game of Thrones) secured herself a place in the hearts of Michael K and everyone else who wants to see more penis on TV. Glamour asked Emilia what story line she’d love to see happen on Game of Thrones. Thankfully, Emilia knows what people want: DICKS. Someone tell Amanda Peet’s husband to grab a pen and write this down, because it’s important.

“I want to see Daenerys and her three dragons share the throne. Eat goat they’ve barbecued. And bring back all the pretty boys, get them to take their trousers down, and be like, ‘I’m now the queen of everything! I’d like close-ups of all the boys’ penises, please.'”

For those of you furiously constructing a time machine so that you can go back and convince Emilia to write an episode where we see Jason Momoa’s dick before his character, Khal Drogo (SPOILERS) dies, you can stop. According to Emilia, her former TV husband’s dick is so glorious, the mere sight of it could trigger a nationwide Zoloft shortage. Yes, she spoke once again about his sock-covered penis.

“I saw his member, but it was covered in a pink fluffy sock. Showing it would make people feel bad. It’s too fabulous.”

As you can see from the picture above, there are plenty of asses on GoT to look at, and sometimes they show the odd dick. I don’t even care when they’re attached to a dude in a busted bathrobe, a TV dick is a dick. So obviously, I’m Team Give-Emilia-A-Script-And-Let-Her-Go-To-Town. I would also appreciate if Emilia could elaborate on that penis sock. She’s mentioned it twice now, and yet we know so little about it. Like, how big was the sock? Are we talking ankle or mid-calf? Who cares about whether Jon Snow is alive or not; we need to know more about Khal Drogo’s sock-covered junk!

Pic: HBO

The Reality of Truth is an unreleased documentary that gets into how humans find spirituality through prayer, meditation, natural hallucinogenic, etc… I watched the trailer (which is after the cut), and for some reason, they don’t include how many of us (read: just me) find the holy light of God by getting drunk on sweet tea vodka while watching back-to-back Golden Girls episodes for 3 hours. That must be in the documentary’s sequel. The ultra dramatic trailer is mostly about how the documentary’s co-director Mike “Zappy” Zapolin (aka the Internet Warrior) and Michelle Rodriguez traveled the world to find and try a “hidden technology in nature” that the government doesn’t want you to know about. They basically go to Peru to do Ayahuasca, a spiritual drink made from the ayahuasca vine, which apparently makes you do the Macarena with all the gods on a rainbow that’s trickling out of a giant unicorn’s piss slit. It also makes some people vomit through their eyes and cry tears through their mouths.

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Glamour magazine recently published a special plus-size issue in association with the clothing store that sounds like a contestant on The Bachelorette, Lane Bryant. They put Cheryl Tiegs’ favorite non-skinny model, Ashley Graham, on the cover, and name-dropped a few famous non-skinnies who “inspire” them. Like, Melissa McCarthy, Adele, and Amy Schumer.

The only problem is, Amy Schumer doesn’t want to be anyone plus-size inspiration, especially since she doesn’t think she belongs in that category to begin with. She’s also very pissed that Glamour didn’t ask permission first before they included her in their special non-skinny issue. Amy was so pissed, she took it to Instagram and publicly slapped at them for their mistake.

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Don’t hate Charlize Theron for looking beautiful even while suffering from coke burn (see: picture above).

To think, us average-faced homelies used to think that all of you tall, gorgeous people have it so easy. You mostly get hired for a job over an ugly troll. You get promotions quicker too. You also don’t even have to think about bringing your wallet to the bar, because some trick will always buy you a cup of the sweet nectar. And whenever you want hot dick, you just swipe right and BOOM, hot dick lands in your lap. Sometimes when I’m in a long ass line at Trader Joe’s, I wish that I was hot, because then I’d be able to cut in front of all of the dowdy regulars. They’d be happy about it too, because then they’d have a better view of my beauty. But you know, I don’t think that gorgeous people have it good anymore. Charlize Theron, the Martin Luther King Jr. of tall, gorgeous people, has exposed fugly people privilege and opened up our eyes to the suffering of the beautiful ones!

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