Daisy Ridley May Play Lara Croft In The “Tomb Raider” Reboot
Despite the fact that there are tons of truly great video games that totally deserve a messy film adaptation (I’m looking at you, Shaq Fu), the lazies in Hollywood have decided to reboot the Tomb Raider franchise. And according to Daisy Ridley (aka Rey from Star Wars: The Force Awakens), it might star Daisy Ridley as Lara Croft. I guess OctoMom was busy?
Daisy hinted to The Hollywood Reporter at the Empire Awards in London on Sunday that she’s had “conversations” about playing Lara Croft. Daisy can’t confirm that she’s taking over Angelina Jolie’s old job, because no one has technically offered her the role. According to THR, there isn’t even a script yet. But Daisy says she she’s waiting for someone to call her up and offer it to her. It doesn’t matter that she’s currently filming Star Wars 8 right now; Daisy says she’s available.
Apparently she’s not the only one who really wants to see Daisy Ridley in a pair of khaki booty shorts and an ass-length braid. Daisy’s Star Wars co-star John Boyega tells THR that he texted Daisy after playing Tomb Raider and told her that she should be the next Lara Croft.
I hope Daisy has a good insurance policy, because the boners of a million fanboys just imploded at the possibility of nerd goddess Lara Croft being played by the hot chick from the Star Wars reboot. She hasn’t even been offered the role yet! That’s just reckless. The only way she could be more reckless is if she started a rumor that she’s replacing Ben Affleck in a gender-reversal reboot of Batman. Here’s more of the maybe future Lara Croft at the Empire Awards in London yesterday.
Pics: Wenn.com
Little Bunny Foo Foo Popping Off In The Mall, Scooping Up The Daddies And Bopping ‘Em On The Head
When I was shopping for the usual (Hot Fries, coffee, vodka and crotch critters-killing liquid aka RID) at Target yesterday, my eyes rolled a few times over all the pastel-covered Easter crap. I was definitely not ready for Easter, but now I am after watching this video of Peter Cottonfists and a dad fighting like drunk chicks on a Spirit Airlines flight. Nothing will get you into the Easter spirit like a good old-fashioned mall fight show between a grown dude in a bunny costume and a mad daddy.
NJ.com says that at the Newport Centre Mall in Jersey City, NJ yesterday evening, a scene straight out of an Easter remake of Bad Santa called Bad Bunny broke out. The story goes that rage filled a dad’s veins when his 1-year-old daughter slipped off of a chair while taking a picture with the Easter Bunny. The dad allegedly responded by cursing out the Easter Bunny before landing a fist on that furry trick. Great, now thanks to that dad, his daughter is so not going to get a basket from Walgreens from the Easter Bunny on Sunday. The dad supposedly went full on Jay and Silent Bob on that bunny. But ole’ Fluffy Mayweather wasn’t just going to let some dad beat his ass. The 22-year-old dude in the Easter Bunny costume, pulled off his rabbit head, yanked off his white fluffy gloves and went after that dad.
And Now In Random Friendship News…
Here’s Justin Bieber and Marilyn Manson posing for a selfie while looking like they’re starring in an awareness campaign for an organization called Big Brothers for Lil’ Douchebags.
Justin, who looks like a bootleg Aaron Carter doll in that picture, announced his random-ass friendship with Marilyn Manson yesterday on Instagram. Justin captioned the pic: “Night out in la with the boys.” Yeah, about that. I don’t know what age Marilyn gave when during his initiation into Bieber’s Boys Club, but they might want to take a closer look at the date on his driver’s license.
An Extremely Important Update To An Extremely Important Political Story
The POTUS dreams of Ted Cruz, John Kasich, Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders and my personal pick Limberbutt McCubbins were shattered like a meth pipe in a vagina when Aaron Carter declared that his vote is probably going to go to Donald Trump. Aaron said in a tweet and later told GQ that despite all of the “wall” shit, he’s into Trump. But well, there’s been a YUGE development that is beyond great news for the other candidates, but sad and tragic news for the Trump campaign. Chris Christie is licking the greasy tears trickling down his master’s face, because Aaron Carter has declared on Twatter that he’s not voting for Trump anymore, because he’s not voting at all!
Kanye West Wants A Judge To Take An Eraser To His Pap-Attacking Past
Kanye West, seen above doing what looks like an interpretive dance called “The Finger and the Booty Ass Bitch” with a photographer at LAX in 2013, has a bit of a history with the paparazzi. Back in 2013, Kanye got in a bit of trouble after he angrily swatted at a photographer and put another one in a headlock. In 2014, Kayne plead no contest to getting handsy, and ended up with 24 months on probation and 250 hours of community service.
Ever since then, Kanye has been trying really hard to reform his image as a violent pap-slapping menace. Kanye is no longer the self-appointed leader of the celebrity civil rights movement. Kanye stops and talks to the paps now. He lets them follow his family around Disneyland. Kanye even breaks up pap fights with hugs. And now Kanye wants to erase the pap-attacking part of his permanent record. According to TMZ, Kanye has completed all of his community service (which was served at L.A. Trade Tech’s fashion school) and has come to the end of his 24 month probation, which means he’s now eligible for a do-over. TMZ says Kanye has recently filed papers asking a judge to expunge his record.
A judge will have to rule on it, but TMZ seems pretty confident his criminal record will be erased. And with that, Kanye will have officially passed the pap-punching torch to his sister-in-law, Kendall Jenner.
Two years ago, Kanye was swinging and screaming at the paps with more anger than the drunk girl who gets kicked out of the club before last call. Now he’s all Kumbaya with them? That’s a little suspicious. It’s almost like someone has cast a paparazzi-loving spell on him. Does anyone know if a student by the name of Kris Jenner was recently enrolled in Introduction to Dark Fame Whore Arts at the University of Southern Hell?
Here’s Kanye and the rest of the 2 Tacky Krew leaving Rob Kardashian’s fake (at least according to Radar) 29th birthday dinner at Nobu on Saturday night. And no, I can’t with Kanye’s Sharpie-covered high school baby punk jean jacket either.
Pic: Splash
It’s Monday, So Here’s A Bent Over Prince Hot Ginge Pretending To Be A Tiger
Bless the kind soul whose idea it was for Prince Hot Ginge to bend over while trying to do his best tiger impersonation during a visit to the Bardia National Park in Nepal. I’m going to choose to believe that they knew that a picture of PHG looking like he’s happily presenting his hole to that WWF dude is just what many of us needed on a really ugly Monday. Thank you, kind soul!