JC Chasez (40)
Shawn Mendes (18)
Princess Beatrice of York (28)
Kim Chi (29)
Katie Leung (29)
Jackie Cruz (30)
Peyton List (30)
Roger Federer (35)
Meagan Good (35)
Michael Urie (36)
Countess Vaughn (38)
Lindsay Sloane (39)
Drew Lachey (40)
Jeremy Scott (41)
Scott Stapp (43)
Faye Wong (47)
Kool Moe Dee (54)
The Edge (55)
Rikki Rockett (55)
Deborah Norville (58)
Cecilia Roth (60)
Robin Quivers (64)
Keith Carradine (67)
Connie Stevens (78)
Dustin Hoffman (78)

Pic: Getty

Stranger Things is the world right now, and that world is run by a girl named Barb. There’s a reason why Barb has become a cult phenomenon, and it’s because she’s Barb. Besides Barb, the show is a glorious, uplifting car crash of Spielberg, King, Carpenter, and the most spot-on pair of Mom jeans I’ve ever seen an actress wear. Here’s Stranger Things given an opening credits sequence as if it was a sitcom. There’s even a Randy Newman song!

It’s like a damn high school cafeteria round here’. All of these hussies were too busy spending their teen times strength-training to become pop stars, so they missed out on all the Mean Girl-ing. They’re making up for it now by releasing music videos yanking each other’s French braids. UsWeekly wonders if Calvin Harris’s latest video (for John Newman’s song “Olé” that he produced) might feature a couple of shots/scenes that flip a bird at a snake his ex Taylor Swift.

In one scene, Calvin, Newman, and several models sit on rocks at the beach. Just like when Taylor and her current “pose with the cardboard cutout for this photo” boyfriend Tom Hiddleston did at her Rhode Island manse!

In another scene, Calvin, Newman, and several models sit on chairs. Just like when Tay Tay, Tom, Blake “Bland Camp” Lively, and Ryan “Kill Me Now” Reynolds did! Together! On chairs!

Finally, Calvin, Newman, and those very same models walk on the beach. Just like Swifty and Tom did! On a beach! Walking!

UsWeekly is probably right. Calvin kept his digs subtle and quit it right before making John Newman wear a tank top reading “I *HEART* CH!” while sporting a Debbie Harry circa “Heart of Glass” wig. All of this high schoolery foolery isn’t a good look for DJ Hurt Feelings. Dude is having serious trouble in letting go. He should just take his millions and find another irritating chick. Then again, spitefully pissing on an ex isn’t a first for him. It’s sort of his schtick.

Check out the video for “Olé” below and draw conclusions. Or clean the litterbox. Your call.

Tyga “bought” his girlfriend, Kim Kardashian impersonator and Better Business Bureau favorite Kylie Jenner, another car for her birthday. Word is that the poor bastard can’t even afford these vehicles. Tyga and the repo man are closer than Kylie and illiteracy.

Continue reading

You might have to hold my hair back as I type this because broken bones make me vom. French gymnast Samir Ait Said was just flipping along yesterday, trying to achieve his Olympics dreams, when he broke THE FUCK out of his leg during a dismount. Seriously, legs shouldn’t flop in that direction. I’m blogging at a Starbucks today and watched the video here for the first time. When the horrific part came, I yelled out loud and the woman breastfeeding at the table beside me (it was already an awkward sitch at the Starbucks) nearly dropped her greedy-mouthed infant. So, when you watch the second video below, you’ve been warned. It’s dreadful. Brace yourselves.

Continue reading

The endless back and forth that is clearance Hunter S. Thompson impersonator Johnny Depp and Amber “SCUM” Heard’s divorce proceedings inched further along yesterday. Amber finally showed up to her restraining order deposition. One and a half hours late! Thank you, TMZ, for playing that Drew Carey’s Mimi-looking former co-worker of mine who, having noted someone taking their seat one minute late, would immediately fire off a self-righteous narc-mail to the CEO. That screamingly loud print-wearing witch who gave HERSELF the nickname of “The Enforcer!”

Continue reading