Category: The Olympics
Finnish Skier Remi Lindholm Suffered A Frozen Penis In An Olympic Race
Apparently a Winter Olympics is happening in Beijing, and on Saturday Russia’s Alexander Bolshunov won gold in the men’s 50km mass start cross-country skiing event. Except Alexander ain’t the one making headlines. Nope, that honor goes to Finnish skier Remi Lindholm, who captivated the world when he revealed that his penis froze during the race. Ahhh, NOW I have your attention!
Johnny Weir And Tara Lipinski Said Everything By Saying Practically Nothing During Kamila Valieva’s Olympic Routine
The 2022 Winter Olympics are currently popping off in Beijing, and one of the hot topics is a 15-year-old figure skater from Russia named Kamila Valieva. Kamila tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs and is still being allowed to compete. NBC commentators, Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski may not be able to do anything about this clear lapse in judgment from the Olympics people, but they can show their disdain by turning their colorful commentary down to a Zero and then saying Kamila shouldn’t be there.
Kaley Cuoco Wants To Buy The Horse Who Was Punched By A Coach At The Olympics
Usually, if you find yourself wanting to whip out your wallet and buy something you saw on television, you might have your TV tuned to HSN or QVC. But Kaley Cuoco wanted to buy one of the horses she saw while watching the 2020 Olympic Summer Games in Tokyo. Although, unlike a classy pink moissanite tennis bracelet displaying stunning craftsmanship for four easy payments of $129.99, Kaley’s equine purchase wasn’t because she thought it was cute, or that she could get a good discount deal on a horse that failed to bring home a medal. Kaley wants to save the horse from any future punches, after watching the horse get punched on live television by a German coach.
Open Post: Hosted By The “Anti-Sex” Cardboard Olympic Beds That Aren’t Really “Anti-Sex”
The 2020 Tokyo Olympics are turning out to be a mess with COVID-19 cases surging in Japan and athletes testing positive. And when pictures came out of the cardboard beds at the Olympic Village, some thought that organizers were also trying to stop the spread of spreading legs and athlete jizz by making them sleep on something that will fall apart when they started humping on it. But one athlete has let us know that you can easily fuck on these supposed anti-fuck beds.
Breakdancing Will Be An Olympic Sport Starting With The Paris 2024 Summer Games
If, like me, you thought that dedicating one’s life to the art of breakdancing had gone out of fashion along with Fila tracksuits, Jheri curls, and Robbie Williams (above), we were wrong. Silly us. We forgot about Europe. ESPN reports that breakdancing, or simply “breaking” as they are going to call it, ensuring at least 30 more years of sweaty “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo” jokes, has become an official Olympic sport. Beginning with the Paris 2024 summer games, along with skateboarding, surfing, and sport climbing, breaking too, will be electric boogalooing its way to the Olympics.
Ryan Lochte Has Met His Match
Most of the athletes at this year’s Winter Olympics in PyeongChang are there to use every bit of their strength, stamina, and skill to bring a medal home to their respective countries. And some are there cuz’ it’s sort of like Spring Break except it’s in the winter. In South Korea. At the Olympics. But, like Dave Duncan’s fellow Olympic doofus Ryan Lochte always says – “JEAH!” Or something.
Canadian ski-crosser Dave Duncan is upholding the tradition of at least one athlete per Olympic Games acting the fool and getting caught. At least doping is sort of a quiet scandal. Teaming up with your wife and manager to steal a car to go for a drunken joyride at the Olympics is SCREAMING to the world that you lit all of your fucks on fire with the Olympic torch. Hopefully he can blame this on the police like his spiritual predecessor.