The Purple One’s Dream Factory Might Be Sold
Superman has his Fortress of Solitude. Batman has his Batcave. Lindsay Lohan has various yachts. Tiny deceased genius Prince had Paisley Park. It’s the mansion/recording studio where Prince downloaded his sexy jams straight down from Heaven. And it might be sold!
TMZ reports that the bank managing Prince’s musical mecca has filed docs with the court seeking permission to start selling off a bunch of Prince’s property – Paisley Park included. Someone better tell the bank that “toy, we don’t serve ribs!” because that’s some bullshit! The bank has appraised the 60,000 sq. ft. Paisley Park to be priceless worth around 7 million, and they’ve already hired an (evil) real estate agent (to be played in the inevitable movie by Morris Day).
Don’t chain yourself to Paisley Park’s fence alongside Sheila E., Wendy & Lisa, Apollonia, and the remaining members of Vanity 6 just yet. Remember all those supposed relatives of Prince who have to undergo DNA testing before they receive a piece of the purple pie? TMZ’s sources say that the heirs are going to do anything to prevent the sale. They reportedly want to turn Paisley Park into a museum, which is the most intelligent thing I’ve heard about this situation since Prince passed. This is the moment when we band together to save the community center Paisley Park through music and dancing! Yes, I’m saying that we have to live out the plot to Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo to save Prince’s paradise on earth!
Pic: WENN
Hot Slut Of The Day!
By popular demand, Pita Taufatofua, the oiled-up flag-bearer from the Polynesian kingdom of Tonga who won gold medals in inducing coochie cream, inducing b-hole tingles and inducing hard nips when his oiled-up body made an appearance during the parade of athletes.
The Olympics opening ceremony (or if you watched on NBC, “NBC’s Commercials EXTRAVAGANZA featuring the Olympics opening ceremony“) last night, then you sat through hours and hours and hours and hours and hours of athletes walking in the parade while dressed like either a flight attendant, a bank teller or a Paula Poundstone impersonator. So after hours of that, a breath of hot, greasy air hit our eyeballs when Taekwondo Olympian Pita Taufatofua made many thirsty whores say, “I want Pita to stuff my pita.”
Pita came fully lubed-up and ready to rumble. That’s one way to deal with mosquitos. Those pesky bitches probably slipped right off. And when Pita strolled by the cameras, he threw a swoon-summoning cocky look. He’s like the hot Disney villain that you root for because he’s way hotter than the goody two-shoes ass prince. Gaston, who?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ISSU15IpLo
Pita, who also spreads his hotness on Instagram, doesn’t compete until August 19th, so that gives him plenty of time to make this Olympics 1,000 times more watchable by strutting his greased-up body in front of the cameras during every event. It’s not like Pita has to practice since he can easily destroy his opponent with a smile and a brow raise.
Pics: Getty (For everyone who dropped him into my inbox)
Birthday Sluts
Soleil Moon Frye (40)
Charlotte McKinney (23)
Spencer Matthews (27)
Adrianne Curry (34)
Romola Garai (34)
Travie McCoy (35)
Leslie Odom Jr. (35)
Marisa Miller (38)
Melissa George (40)
Ever Carradine (42)
Asia Carrera (43)
Vera Farmiga (43)
Geri Halliwell (44)
Merrin Dungey (45)
M. Night Shyamalan (46)
Michelle Yeoh (54)
Faith Prince (59)
Catherine Hicks (65)
Barbara Windsor (79)
Andy Warhol (1928-1987)
Lucille Ball (1911-1989)
Pic: Nutrisystem
Night Crumbs
If you’re planning to go to the beach this weekend and want to paralyze hos with your exquisite style, take a tip from important fashion icon Brit Brit Spears and go with an aesthetic that screams, “Tab-drinking, yellow Camaro-driving Florida MILF who auditioned for all 3 seasons of Rock of Love.” – Just Jared
Aaron Taylor-Johnson brought some beardy and beefy hotness to an HFPA event – Lainey Gossip
Star Magazine says that Taylor Swift wants to turn next month’s Emmy Awards into The Presentation Of Taylor Swift’s Engagement Ring Event. Sounds about right – Celebitchy
Dude dates reality show trick and is then surprised when said reality show trick wants to film their relationship for her reality show – Reality Tea
If Mimi doesn’t make Vogue’s best-dressed list, then Anna Wintour should be laughed out of the fashion industry for once and for all! – Drunken Stepfather
I see that Parasite Hilton got back into porn by filming a fuck scene with a hose – The Nip Slip
Ariana Grande Latte did Whitney Houston’s “Queen of the Night” and it was more like the Queen of the Mumbles – Towleroad
Millionaire stars are just like us: Their credit card gets the big D while trying to buy stuff at H&M. But unlike us, Adele easily paid her bill by shitting out gold coins – Jezebel
“Damn that Gisele! While she rehearses for the Olympics Opening Ceremony, I have to do these staged photo-ops for the paps” is probably what Alessandra Ambrosia Salad is thinking to herself in that pic – The Superficial
Vanessa Hudgens is giving me 90s goth secretary glamour – Popoholic
Suicide Squad fans should maybe direct their pitchforks of rage at Warner Bros. – IDLYITW
Margot Robbie and Cara Delawhatever wore matching pajamas outside – Hollywood Tuna
Pic: Splash
Renee Zellweger Has Something To Say About The Rumors That She De-Squinted Her Eyes
Last month, The Huffington Post published an op-ed piece from Jennifer Aniston where she took a big, sloppy, non-pregnant shit all over the tabloids for constantly talking about the goings-on in her uterus and for saying she’s got a baby in her belly when she’s really just the remnants of a burrito. Well, Aniston has now handed over the op-ed piece pen to Renee Zellweger and it’s her turn to shit all over the tabloids, the media and the internet.
Josh Duggar Is Being Sued By The Guy Whose Picture He Used For His Ashley Madison Profile
Back when gross human tater tot Josh Duggar was still trolling for extramarital coochie online, he didn’t use a real picture of himself on his online profiles. Maybe it was because he was afraid potential hookups would recognize him as one of the stars of TLCs 19 Kids and Counting and rat him out to the press. Maybe he was afraid they might not want to bang a dude whose face gives off the impression that he would definitely give you the creepiest back massage you’ve ever received. Whatever the reason, Josh Duggar decided to use someone else’s picture. Well, that person is now suing him.