Madonna And Her Boy Toy Andrew Darnell Are Done, And She’s In The Midst Of A “Crisis Of Confidence”
No, that isn’t Madonna pictured next to a child she adopted under the guise of humanitarianism only to then attempt to suck the youthfulness from his soul; that’s Madonna pictured next to model Andrew Darnell, her most recent boy toy she lured in to attempt to suck the youthfulness from his dick! But nothing gold can stay, and Madonna and Andrew–whose relationship we just learned about back in September–are no longer. And sources close to Madonna say that the breaking of their union came at a bad time, because she’s also having a bit of an existential crisis at the moment.
There Are New “Lord Of The Rings” Movies In The Works
The new Lord of the Rings television series for Amazon Prime Video is already expensive as all can fucking be so obviously even more resources need to be devoted to the franchise. It seems that during an earnings call at Warner Bros. Discovery, the CEO David Zalsav announced there were going to be “multiple” new films based on the books coming down the line. Just when you think Hollywood refuses to examine any new ideas for narratives, they prove to you they really absolutely never will.
Alec Baldwin Pled Not Guilty In The “Rust” Shooting Death Of Halyna Hutchins
Alec Baldwin was scheduled to be arraigned today for his role in the accidental on-set shooting death of Rust cinematographer Halyna Hutchins. According to TMZ, Alec–who’s also a producer of the film–entered a plea of not guilty (he never is, right?) yesterday and waived his court appearance, so unfortunately for Hilaria Baldwin, she doesn’t get the opportunity today to don her bedazzled chanclas and “JUSTICIA PARA ALEC!” sweatshirt with whatever baby strapped to her chest to exit the safety of Casa de Baldwin and beg unsuspecting people on the street for privacy.
Birthday Sluts
O’Shea Jackson Jr. (32)
Trace Cyrus (34)
Daniel Kaluuya (34)
Priscilla Chan (38)
Lleyton Hewitt (42)
Floyd Mayweather, Jr. (46)
Chad Hugo (49)
Bonnie Somerville (49)
Gillian Flynn (52)
Billy Zane (57)
Todd Field (59)
Michelle Shocked (61)
Pic: Silver Screen Collection/Getty Images
Beth Broderick (64)
Paula Zahn (67)
Helen Shaver (72)
Debra Jo Rupp (72)
Rupert Holmes (76)
Edward James Olmos (76)
Paul Jones (81)
Dominic Chianese (92)
Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)
Steve Jobs (1955-2011)
Emmanuelle Riva (1927-2017)
Abe Vigoda (1921-2016)
Night Crumbs
Judging by the dumb shit he says, it seems like NFL player Aaron Rodgers’ lights are never on. But he recently decided to do a four-day “darkness retreat” (aka sit alone in silence in a 300-square foot room with no natural light) because he thought it would help him to make a decision on the future of his football career. Okay, so when I sit by myself in near darkness for days, my mom calls me to say, “Are you depressed or on drugs?” However, when Aaron Rodgers does it, it’s called a “spiritual journey.” Aaron didn’t last four days, though. He checked out after two days. So even Aaron Rodgers can’t stand to be alone in a room with Aaron Rodgers for that long – Pajiba
Light up your Charlene Frazier prayer candles and send healing thoughts to national treasure Jean Smart who recently underwent a “successful heart procedure” – SOW
Paris Hilton Named Her Son Phoenix Barron Hilton Reum
Paris Hilton revealed the name of her and Carter Reum’s baby boy, who was born via surrogate last month. And yes, Paris followed in the footsteps of her parents and named her kid after a city. Lemme guess… Mesquite? Shreveport? Boise? All gorgeous options. But Paris went with something that she felt symbolized life’s “disasters and triumphs”: Phoenix. Huh. I woulda gone with something more literal, like Warsaw, but you do you, Paris.