Bear, the life-saving Yorkie!

Yorkies get a bad rap. Some people think that Yorkies are just annoying lapdogs who are more high strung than a retail store manager the day before the district manager shows up (I mean, Yorkies do have that retail store manager haircut), and some believe their only real skill is making ears fall off with their constant yapping. But Bear here shit on that stereotype when he saved his humans from getting bit by a rattlesnake. And no, Bear didn’t save them by barking at that rattlesnake until that rattlesnake’s last nerve cracked and it slithered away.

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Madonna and Oscar-winner Diablo Cody are working on something together and it could be for a Madge biopic. But since Diablo Cody did the book for the Jagged Little Pill musical, I’m guessing it’s for a Broadway musical. And I really can’t wait for the big 5 o’clock number where Madonna does a kick line with a chorus of satanic nut loads while singing about her love for that demon jizz lady – Entertainment Weekly

That evil piece of trash coronavirus is messing with Antonio Banderas and messing with him on his birthday, nonethefuckingless – Celebitchy

Kelly Osbourne lost weight but gained ten tons of stunning in the brows area – OMG Blog

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The doctor walks in the room with a serious expression on his face. You brace yourself for the worst. He asks “do you want to hear the good news or the bad news first.” You reply, as anyone in the situation might, “the bad news please, doctor,” wishing more than anything to get it out of the way. With a heavy sigh, the doctor lays a gloved hand over yours and looks you in the eye to say “you’ve tested positive for COVID-19 and should get your affairs in order.” Crushed and confused, knowing the only person you’ve had contact with for months was your creepy cousin Brent who dropped by unannounced earlier in the week looking to borrow $20 for gas money, you ask for the good news. The doctor’s face lights up as he proclaims “Hey now, you’re an all star, get your game on, go play! It’s Smash Mouth COVID-19!” You die. The End.

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Every summer needs a viral dance challenge. But because summer 2020 is still all about COVID-19, I would have thought the breakout dance challenge would be a bunch of teens socially distance-dancing to Madonna’s dance cover of “Fever.” But much like 2018’s viral summer dance moment, this one also utilizes the use of a motor vehicle. It involves getting out of a moving vehicle and busting a roadside move to the 1994 dance track, “Push The Feeling On” by Scottish house group Nightcrawlers. But the trend might be nearing its expiration date, because parents have gotten in on it. Kanye West got in on it, and now Katy Perry has dragged her unborn baby girl into it. Someone get an ultrasound machine to see if we can hear Katy’s baby groaning, “MoooOOOOooom, stop embarrassing me!”

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Even with the help of the GOP, regrettably one of the most powerful (if inept) organizations in the country right now, Kanye West’s Birthday Party clown campaign keeps creampieing itself in the face. According to Business Insider, Kanye’s bid to get on the Wisconsin ballot with the help of one of Donald Trump’s personal campaign lawyers is being challenged by the Democratic Party who claim “he submitted his nomination papers late and used bogus signatures,” which included “Mickey Mouse” and “Bernie Sanders.” Additionally, the New York Post reports that he’s been kicked off the Illinois ballot, his home state, after officials found that “1,900 of the 3,128 signatures West submitted are invalid.” OK, haha, who sent in R. Kelly’s crayon writing practice worksheets from jail as a joke? Not cool, man. He’s doing his best!

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