The doctor walks in the room with a serious expression on his face. You brace yourself for the worst. He asks “do you want to hear the good news or the bad news first.” You reply, as anyone in the situation might, “the bad news please, doctor,” wishing more than anything to get it out of the way. With a heavy sigh, the doctor lays a gloved hand over yours and looks you in the eye to say “you’ve tested positive for COVID-19 and should get your affairs in order.” Crushed and confused, knowing the only person you’ve had contact with for months was your creepy cousin Brent who dropped by unannounced earlier in the week looking to borrow $20 for gas money, you ask for the good news. The doctor’s face lights up as he proclaims “Hey now, you’re an all star, get your game on, go play! It’s Smash Mouth COVID-19!” You die. The End.
This was an imaginary scenario from my brain but it’s bound to happen any day now because Smash Mouth was the most recent band to thumb their noses at reason and personal responsibility and throw caution and possibly millions of tiny virus particles to the wind by performing a concert in the midst of a global pandemic. Imagine dying for Smash Mouth, or dying because someone was ready to die for Smash Mouth, caught coronavirus, and infected you. According to NME, Smash Mouth performed yesterday in South Dakota at the Sturgis Buffalo Chip, a motorcycle rally, in front of thousands of unmasked yahoos.
According to the event’s website, organisers encouraged attendees to follow CDC pandemic guidelines and promised that hand sanitiser would be readily available throughout the park. Guests were also told they would need to have a mask with them upon entering the venue.
However, footage from the concert showed little in the way of social distancing or face coverings.
Here’s footage including Smash Mouth frontman Steve Harwell talling the crowd “fuck that COVID shit.”
Here is a brighter video to see all the people (credit KOTATV) pic.twitter.com/P7XW46BLiS
— Connor Matteson (@mattesontv) August 10, 2020
And to think, just last year Smash Mouth was championing trans rights and mocking homophobia. Can the Shrek and Progressive Super Bowl B Halftime commercial money have run out this quickly? There’s only like five of them. According to Classics Du Jour, Santana (who would never stoop this low) has had 68 band members! If Santana can feed all those mouths on residuals, surely Smash Mouth could have made through one festival season on the last whiffs those All Star fumes. Well, at least one person, the dude in the bottom right corner, knows what a horrible mistake has been made— but it’s too late. That’s creepy cousin Brent.