Category: Smash Mouth
Today In Shocking News: The Sturgis Motorcycle Rally Has Been Labeled A “Superspreader” Event
I woke up at my usual time this morning and it was full-on dark inside but when I looked outside I said, “girl, look how fucking orange you look, girl.” Smash Mouth is also from Northern California so I imagine they too experienced a rude awakening only it wasn’t just an apocalyptic orange sky to make them gulp and say “oh shit.” According to a new study conducted by San Diego State University’s Center for Health Economics & Policy Studies, the scene of Smash Mouth’s last-ditch attempt at relevancy, the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally, was a “Superspreader” event, which isn’t nearly as sexy as it sounds.
Several COVID-19 Cases Have Been Linked To The Sturgis Motorcycle Rally, Which Smash Mouth Played At
Earlier this month Smash Mouth performed at the 80th annual Sturgis Motorcycle Rally in South Dakota. Their concert was part of a ten-day festival that attracted 462,000 people, many of whom weren’t wearing masks or observing social distancing. Officials were obviously afraid that the rally would turn into a COVID-19 “super spreader event”, since a lot of attendees come from coronavirus hotspots like Florida and… well, isn’t Florida enough? Despite these fears and 60% of townspeople voting against the rally, the town of Sturgis decided to approve the festival. Their reasoning was that crowds would show up anyway, and they wanted to be prepared.
Welp, two weeks later, and color me shocked, but a bunch of coronavirus cases around the country have been traced back to the event. Whaddaya know, Smash Mouth frontman Steve Harwell declaring, “fuck that COVID shit” did dick all to stop the virus!
Smash Mouth Performed For A Big Crowd At The Sturgis Motorcycle Rally
The doctor walks in the room with a serious expression on his face. You brace yourself for the worst. He asks “do you want to hear the good news or the bad news first.” You reply, as anyone in the situation might, “the bad news please, doctor,” wishing more than anything to get it out of the way. With a heavy sigh, the doctor lays a gloved hand over yours and looks you in the eye to say “you’ve tested positive for COVID-19 and should get your affairs in order.” Crushed and confused, knowing the only person you’ve had contact with for months was your creepy cousin Brent who dropped by unannounced earlier in the week looking to borrow $20 for gas money, you ask for the good news. The doctor’s face lights up as he proclaims “Hey now, you’re an all star, get your game on, go play! It’s Smash Mouth COVID-19!” You die. The End.