Last month, it was reported that the inmates of the Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn were growing very tired of the special treatment that was being given to inmate #666 (just a random guess), Ghislaine Maxwell. Sources alleged that Ghislaine was given an entire floor of the MDC to herself, which was definitely a precaution against any attempts on Ghislaine’s life (Ghislaine’s alleged partner in crime Jeffrey Epstein died under suspicious circumstances when he was held last year at the Metropolitan Correctional Center in Lower Manhattan). Those inmates now have one more thing to complain about, because Ghislaine’s attorneys have just filed a request that poor lonely Ghislaine be given the chance to finally mingle with everyone else in gen-pop.

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Brian Austin Green has been going through it ever since he and Megan Fox separated late last year. “It” refers to both his sad boy emotions and all the big busted ladies of the Greater LA Area.

Last week the human embodiment of a midlife crisis went on a podcast to play victim over the end of his marriage and claim Courtney Stodden “used him” (um, let Courtney be the “user” *one time* in her life, Brian). Then, after Megan Instagrammed a picture with Machine Gun Kelly, calling him an “Achingly Beautiful Boy”, BAG posted pics of his three sons and copied her caption. Reminder: BAG is 47 years old. Now a source is claiming that his feelings are hurt over Megan flaunting her love for MGK. Um, yeah, the “Achingly Beautiful Boy” debacle made that extremely clear.

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There have been many famous people who have jumped to the defense of Ellen DeGeneres over accusations that she’s meaner than mean. Which of course directly contradicts what has been alleged by past and present employees, who spoke to BuzzFeed about the toxic workplace culture at Ellen. Hmmm…so who to believe? The people who get invited to Ellen’s house for wine and expensive snacks, or the people who dodge her ass in the halls. Well, one current employee has decided to speak out, and that would be Ellen’s sidekick, her DJ Stephen “tWitch” Boss.

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CeeLo Green took time out of his busy day of leading Willy Wonka’s workforce to talk shit about Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion‘s WAP. CeeLo is on Team Pearl Clutchers and spoke to Far Out Magazine, calling the two “shameless” and “desperate” and suggested female rappers were immoral these days. Yeah, I miss wholesome 2003 female rap when Lil’ Kim rapped about her ill-deep throat and making a Sprite can disappear in her mouth, which shocked a teenage me. That sounded so dangerous! A Sprite can could block her airway!

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Winslow, the cat who sings, or in this case sings AND plays the piano, for his supper!

Last month, Stella, a dog from San Diego, CA, got the HSOTD treatment for being able to “talk” with her humans by pressing buttons on a soundboard. And well, Winslow can do that too, but there’s only one reason for him to communicate with his human, and that’s to let her know to feed his ass. And he gives her a SHOW while doing so.

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