Category: Why Are You Pulling My Dick?

J.K. Rowling Says That Dumbledore And Grindewald Have Totally Done It

March 18, 2019 / Posted by:

Nick Jonas, and now Chris Hemsworth, I guess, need to step up their gay baiting antics if they want to keep up with master gay baiter J.K. Rowling who has been trolling fans with man wizard-on-man wizard action for over a decade. J.K. said in 2007 that Dumbledore is gay. And while promoting their movie Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald last year, both Jude Law (who plays young Dumbledore) and Ezra Miller talked about the gayness of Dumbledore with Ezra saying that the movie makes his sexuality explicitly clear because he sees his secret lovah Grindewald (played by Johnny Depp in lazy Billy Idol cosplay) in a mirror (????). And now J.K Rowling is here to troll us some more by saying in so many words that Dumbledore has definitely grinded his dick against Grindewald’s brown sugar walls before.

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The Woman Who Got Clawed By A Jaguar At A Zoo Says She Wasn’t Taking A Selfie And Didn’t Cross A Barrier 

March 12, 2019 / Posted by:

The woman who got a claw to the arm after allegedly jumping a barrier at Wildlife World Zoo in Litchfield Park, Arizona to get a selfie with a jaguar has come out to say she didn’t jump the barrier and she was’t trying to get a selfie. The woman says that she knows she was in the wrong BUT (that but is definitely presented to you by her attorney’s office) she thinks the zoo should push back the jaguar’s fence. As for that jaguar’s response, just take a look at that picture of her throwing a “Trick, r u serious?” look.

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Mel B Claims That There’s A Secret Shangri-La Of Celebrity Peen On The Internet

November 20, 2018 / Posted by:

Mel B’s book Brutally Honest is coming out soon, and she and the publishers are selling it like a Mary Kay saleswoman circa 1987 who is just 50 Magic Masques away from getting that pink Cadillac. They’re releasing excerpts from her book that are a mixture of disturbing and ESCANDALOSO like how she snorted six lines of coke a day during The X Factor and was left traumatized after having to watch the dozens of illegal sex tapes her smegma bubble of an ex-husband made without her consent. But the story that made me stop, drop, and roll was the one about how Mel B supposedly met up with two famous dudes after meeting them on a secret hookup website where single famous men allegedly post dick pics.

So Scary Spice is telling me that somewhere on the internet exists a place where there’s picture after picture of a hard dick of a celebrity and the celebrity posts it himself? Does the site’s intro page look like this?

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This Is The “World’s Most Powerhouse Power Couple,” So Says GQ 

July 17, 2018 / Posted by:

When anybody with at least half a working brain cell thinks of a “powerhouse power couple,” they probably think of Cynthia Nixon and Rojo Caliente, Oprah and bread, Dolly Parton’s chichis, Charlie Hunnam’s ass cheeks, a squirrel and a condom, an over-used butt plug and saliva, a broken hairdryer and a blown out electric socket, and nearly every pairing in the world not named Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott. But because Pimp Mama Kris probably kidnapped the children of GQ’s editors and threatened to feed those kids to Khlozilla if they didn’t print these false declarations, they have called Kylie and Travis the world’s most powerhouse power couple. And for the cover, they threw a half-naked Kylie onto a fully-clothed Travis. To quote Miranda Priestley: “Groundbreaking.”

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The Mad Pooper Of Colorado Springs Has Finally Spoken (Sort Of)

September 27, 2017 / Posted by:

For weeks and weeks, the people of a neighborhood in Colorado Springs, CO have been wondering why a lady, who has been dubbed The Mad Pooper, has been terrorizing their lawns and parking lots with caca bombs she drops during her runs. What could it be? Does the chick have an evil roommate who gets revenge on her for not cleaning the toilet by spiking her breakfast protein shakes with Ex-Lax? Does a Bieber song regularly poop up on The Mad Pooper’s jogging playlist and the sound of his voice causes her to stop and take a shit wherever she’s at (that’s a natural reaction)? The people just wanted answers. Well, it looks like The Mad Pooper has finally let out something other than a lawn turd. She let out an explanation of sorts through a dude who claims to be a “family rep.”

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QOTD: The Long Island Medium Has Scientific Proof That Her Powers Are Real

March 17, 2017 / Posted by:

There’s article after article on the internet that claims Theresa Caputo, The Long Con Medium, I mean, The Long Island Medium is a shameless charlatan who is carrying on the late Sylvia Browne’s legacy by taking advantage of vulnerable and grieving sadlings. The Long Island Medium now has news for the non-believers. Science has proven that she has a gift, and no, that gift isn’t conning people while pretending to speak to the ghost of their loved one (aka her assistant spouting out info they found through Google while wearing a white sheet over their body).

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