Category: Why Are You Pulling My Dick?

The Mad Pooper Of Colorado Springs Has Finally Spoken (Sort Of)

September 27, 2017 / Posted by:

For weeks and weeks, the people of a neighborhood in Colorado Springs, CO have been wondering why a lady, who has been dubbed The Mad Pooper, has been terrorizing their lawns and parking lots with caca bombs she drops during her runs. What could it be? Does the chick have an evil roommate who gets revenge on her for not cleaning the toilet by spiking her breakfast protein shakes with Ex-Lax? Does a Bieber song regularly poop up on The Mad Pooper’s jogging playlist and the sound of his voice causes her to stop and take a shit wherever she’s at (that’s a natural reaction)? The people just wanted answers. Well, it looks like The Mad Pooper has finally let out something other than a lawn turd. She let out an explanation of sorts through a dude who claims to be a “family rep.”

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QOTD: The Long Island Medium Has Scientific Proof That Her Powers Are Real

March 17, 2017 / Posted by:

There’s article after article on the internet that claims Theresa Caputo, The Long Con Medium, I mean, The Long Island Medium is a shameless charlatan who is carrying on the late Sylvia Browne’s legacy by taking advantage of vulnerable and grieving sadlings. The Long Island Medium now has news for the non-believers. Science has proven that she has a gift, and no, that gift isn’t conning people while pretending to speak to the ghost of their loved one (aka her assistant spouting out info they found through Google while wearing a white sheet over their body).

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The Immortal Keanu Reeves Said Words About “Ageing”

February 23, 2017 / Posted by:

 

Keanu Reeves did a long interview with Esquire UK (via Celebitchy) to promote the sequel to John Wick, my favorite movie about a human avenging his dead dog. And during the interview with writer Johnny Davis, he talked about practically every movie he’s been in and also burped up his thoughts on the Sad Keanu meme from the days of internet yore as well as everyone saying that he’s an ageless vampire.

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Leonardo DiCaprio And Donald Trump Met Up To Talk About Climate Change

December 8, 2016 / Posted by:

Donald Trump made Oklahoma attorney general Scott Pruitt, who’s a climate change denier, the head of the Environmental Protection Agency, so yeah, he probably still believes that those pictures of malnourished polar bears are just Chinese actors in malnourished polar bear costumes posing on a studio set in China. But because Jabba the Trump is a star fucker who also really loves getting his dirt star kissed by celebrities, he met with the savior to the environment Leonardo DiCaprio at Trump Tower yesterday. Yes, our future overlord met with Luke from Growing Pains (his greatest role, honestly) about climate change, and he’s also staying on as the executive producer of the Celebrity Apprentice.  That confirms it. When the clock struck 12:01 on January 1, 2016, we were also sucked into to an alternate universe.

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Artistic Genius Kanye West Meant To Keep The Fashion People Waiting At His Show

September 9, 2016 / Posted by:

Not since a smallpox hospital burned down in the 1800s has Roosevelt Island seen a bigger disaster than the disaster that went down on Wednesday afternoon. Kanye West showed his latest collection of zombie rags and off-brand Capezio leotards for Yeezy, and it was a hot shit puddle of a mess from start to finish. Some models fainted, others nearly killed their ankles while trying to walk in the busted shoes and some fashion editors left after waiting more than an hour for it to start. Kanye’s collaborator and performance artist Vanessa Beecroft, who is a crazy mess in her own right, says that their shit show started 2 hours late, because it was meant to start 2 hours late, thankyouverymuch.

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I Hope The Execs At MTV Like Shit Ratings, Because Taylor Swift Is Not Going To The VMAs!

August 26, 2016 / Posted by:

“Oh God, don’t look now, but I think Alfalfa Sprout of Sunnybrook Farm is trying to look sexy for the paps again… My heart can’t take anymore secondhand embarrassment” is what that dude behind her is thinking to himself, obviously.

Taylor Swift reportedly didn’t submit herself for any MTV VMA nominations and so she didn’t get any. There’s really no reason for her to go to the VMAs this Sunday in NYC, but since she’s one to never miss out on an opportunity to trend on Twitter, I figured she’d show up with a boysenberry-scented lawsuit to throw at those diabolical villains Kanye West and Kim Kartrashian. But a source “exclusively” confirms to People that even though Taylor is in NYC right now, she’s sitting out the VMAs this year. Uh huh… I’m really sure she’s going to sit this one out.

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