Would you rather jet off to Spain with your hot husband for a wedding that is crawling with football hunks and has a top shelf open bar, or stay home to go to a loud ass concert just to say “hi” to your annoying ex-coworkers? Anybody picking the latter has something wrong with their brain. But Victoria Beckham’s no fool. Posh didn’t make it to the final show of The Spice Girls’ Spice World 2019 tour at Wembley stadium this past weekend which upset Mel B, even though Posh had a perfectly legitimate excuse (in addition to simply not giving a shit). Seriously, how many times does Posh have to show the sole of her 6-inch hot pink Victoria Beckham brand stiletto before Mel gets the picture? She’s good love, enjoy.
The Spice Girls movie is a masterpiece, so you would think that Mel C, Geri Halliwell, Victoria Beckham, Mel B, and Emma Bunton would never waste their time attempting to top such a level of celluloid success. But according to The Hollywood Reporter, the Spice Girls are making another movie. Just this time, it will be starring their cartoon likenesses instead.
Before I went to bed last night, I read the headline: Mel B “Doing Fine Now” Following Treatment After Herpes Infection Rendered Her Blind. I thought that well, if you’re going to suffer through the horrible and terrifying fuckery of eyeball issues, it may as well be from something fucked-up yet interesting like HERPES. Unlike me, whose eyeball issues are from just shitty genetics.
But Mel B says that yes, it’s true that her vision is going through it, but it doesn’t seem like it’s because of Coachella’s #1 parting gift: herpes. And the Spice Girls (Minus Posh) reunion tour will go on!
The Daily Mail is reporting that a Spice Girls reunion world tour was an actual possibility but now all of us 90s gays who never got to see the Spice Girls live will have to just live with it. It seems that after Mel B revealed a secret cooch bumpin’ session with bandmate Geri Horner, shit has hit the fan and our dreams of a world tour are dead and buried along with all of the wind-breaking track pants they forced Mel C to wear all those years.
Just a week ago fan fiction sites lit up with all the new Spice Girl Ginger x Scary love stories being fueled by Mel B. While appearing on Conversation With An Asshole aka Piers Morgan’s Life Stories, Mel let it slip that she had got it on with Geri Horner, when they were in the early days of the Spice Girls. Well Geri has thought a lot about what Mel has said, and while she appreciates Mel saying she has great boobs (I’m assuming) she needs to state for the record that there was no secret lesbian relationship going on.
Look, we all knew Lady Gaga was going to be extra as hell last night. And praise Jeebus, she did not disappoint. From her emotionally overwrought yet ultimately trite acceptance speech for Best Original Song, to her bold choice to bring a Glidden paint swatch in Tangerine Dream to her stylist and say “match this”, Lady Gaga was doing the most, to say the least. So of course, when her BIG MOMENT came, and she and Bradley Cooper took to the stage to perform Shallow, she took the performance to the next level. I should say “they”, but I think we all know who was really “directing”. There were lingering stares, there were orgasmic undulations, and by the end, there was intimate canoodling which some people thought was TOO HOT FOR NETWORK TV AND DISRESPECTFUL TO BRADLEY’S GIRLFRIEND. Well, that’s what Mel B thought at least. Yes, that Mel B.