Category: Why Are You Pulling My Dick?
QOTD: The Long Island Medium Has Scientific Proof That Her Powers Are Real
There’s article after article on the internet that claims Theresa Caputo, The Long Con Medium, I mean, The Long Island Medium is a shameless charlatan who is carrying on the late Sylvia Browne’s legacy by taking advantage of vulnerable and grieving sadlings. The Long Island Medium now has news for the non-believers. Science has proven that she has a gift, and no, that gift isn’t conning people while pretending to speak to the ghost of their loved one (aka her assistant spouting out info they found through Google while wearing a white sheet over their body).
The Immortal Keanu Reeves Said Words About “Ageing”
Keanu Reeves did a long interview with Esquire UK (via Celebitchy) to promote the sequel to John Wick, my favorite movie about a human avenging his dead dog. And during the interview with writer Johnny Davis, he talked about practically every movie he’s been in and also burped up his thoughts on the Sad Keanu meme from the days of internet yore as well as everyone saying that he’s an ageless vampire.
Leonardo DiCaprio And Donald Trump Met Up To Talk About Climate Change
Donald Trump made Oklahoma attorney general Scott Pruitt, who’s a climate change denier, the head of the Environmental Protection Agency, so yeah, he probably still believes that those pictures of malnourished polar bears are just Chinese actors in malnourished polar bear costumes posing on a studio set in China. But because Jabba the Trump is a star fucker who also really loves getting his dirt star kissed by celebrities, he met with the savior to the environment Leonardo DiCaprio at Trump Tower yesterday. Yes, our future overlord met with Luke from Growing Pains (his greatest role, honestly) about climate change, and he’s also staying on as the executive producer of the Celebrity Apprentice. That confirms it. When the clock struck 12:01 on January 1, 2016, we were also sucked into to an alternate universe.
Artistic Genius Kanye West Meant To Keep The Fashion People Waiting At His Show
Not since a smallpox hospital burned down in the 1800s has Roosevelt Island seen a bigger disaster than the disaster that went down on Wednesday afternoon. Kanye West showed his latest collection of zombie rags and off-brand Capezio leotards for Yeezy, and it was a hot shit puddle of a mess from start to finish. Some models fainted, others nearly killed their ankles while trying to walk in the busted shoes and some fashion editors left after waiting more than an hour for it to start. Kanye’s collaborator and performance artist Vanessa Beecroft, who is a crazy mess in her own right, says that their shit show started 2 hours late, because it was meant to start 2 hours late, thankyouverymuch.
I Hope The Execs At MTV Like Shit Ratings, Because Taylor Swift Is Not Going To The VMAs!
“Oh God, don’t look now, but I think Alfalfa Sprout of Sunnybrook Farm is trying to look sexy for the paps again… My heart can’t take anymore secondhand embarrassment” is what that dude behind her is thinking to himself, obviously.
Taylor Swift reportedly didn’t submit herself for any MTV VMA nominations and so she didn’t get any. There’s really no reason for her to go to the VMAs this Sunday in NYC, but since she’s one to never miss out on an opportunity to trend on Twitter, I figured she’d show up with a boysenberry-scented lawsuit to throw at those diabolical villains Kanye West and Kim Kartrashian. But a source “exclusively” confirms to People that even though Taylor is in NYC right now, she’s sitting out the VMAs this year. Uh huh… I’m really sure she’s going to sit this one out.
Kim Kartrashian Called Taylor Swift A Liar, Taylor Swift Returned The Favor
Seen above inhaling the silicone-encrusted fart that finally escaped from in between Kim Kartrashian’s ass cheeks after hours of struggling, Taylor Swift was supposedly pissed when Kanye West claimed that she approved a lyric he wrote about her. In a track called “Famous” from Kanye’s latest album, The Life of Pablo, there’s a lyric that goes, “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex, I made that bitch famous.” Kanye claimed that Taylor was not only okay with the lyric, she came up with it and laughed at it. Taylor’s rep claimed that she never okay’d it and definitely didn’t come up with the idea. And at the Grammys, Taylor gave a “GIRL POWAH” speech that was obviously directed at her forever arch rival Kanye West. Well, now Kim is saying that Taylor should change her name to TayLIES, because she did approve that lyric and there’s video footage that proves it. Dun dun dun!