When anybody with at least half a working brain cell thinks of a “powerhouse power couple,” they probably think of Cynthia Nixon and Rojo Caliente, Oprah and bread, Dolly Parton’s chichis, Charlie Hunnam’s ass cheeks, a squirrel and a condom, an over-used butt plug and saliva, a broken hairdryer and a blown out electric socket, and nearly every pairing in the world not named Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott. But because Pimp Mama Kris probably kidnapped the children of GQ’s editors and threatened to feed those kids to Khlozilla if they didn’t print these false declarations, they have called Kylie and Travis the world’s most powerhouse power couple. And for the cover, they threw a half-naked Kylie onto a fully-clothed Travis. To quote Miranda Priestley: “Groundbreaking.”
I see that GQ Photoshopped a scar onto Kylie’s leg to make her look real and like she didn’t have all of her human skin replaced with plastic Barbie skin. No, that scar is real and it isn’t from a blood ceremony to Lucifer that PMK made her partake in. It’s from when she got into a pole accident as a kid. Not that kind of pole!
Here’s just some of the ways that GQ describes 20-year-old Kylie and 27-year-old Travis:
She’s a billionaire business mogul. He’s the most electric rapper in the game.
As this generation’s most electric hip-hop headliner, he’ll be able to sell out a tour and incite riots across the world for the foreseeable future.
Kylie Jenner is a mogul.
….the most dynamic celebrity couple of modern times
I can’t totally blame GQ for this. If PMK was holding something I love more than anything in the world (example: My Golden Girls Clue game) over Khlozilla’s snarling mouth, I too might type delusional words of insanity that are crazy enough for my family to rightfully 5150 me.
GQ’s piece on a non-billionaire and her boyfriend wasn’t only filled with the magazine trying to save their loved ones by jacking these two off raw, they also asked her about the Kardashian Kurse. Kylie says that the dudes whose souls get sucked out and end up in a bad place (see: Lamar Odom) just can’t handle the fame:
“They come and can’t handle it. Well, for all the news stories, it’s how I get over them so fast. Trav, for example, he’s like, “Wait…but how do you just get over this?” He gets more angry about things. It’s not just him. It’s Jordyn [Kylie’s best friend] who I’ve seen affected. It’s everyone around us that aren’t used to it. And we’re just like, “Oh, that’ll go away in a day.” I know these stories aren’t going to matter, so don’t even let them affect you, you know? I think you’re correct. But it’s not just men—it’s friends, it’s people who come and just don’t know how to handle it. It’s the negative. There’s a lot of people who love us, but there’s also a huge handful of people who don’t like us.
So let’s see, when a fame-thirsty dude who is only getting with a Kartrashian to get more fame and money burns out, it’s because of fame and not because his soul slowly dries up from listening to the high-pitched baby whines of the koven as they discuss Kris getting vaginal rejuvenation while eating salads? Okay.
And in this video of Kylie asking Travis a bunch of questions, he proves he truly loves her and cares about her world by not being able to name her dogs:
Travis shouldn’t feel so bad (not that he does), but I doubt even the Kardashians know the names of their pets. They just call them Instagram Photo Accessory #1, #2, #3, etc… The only family pet’s name they remember is black sheep Rob and that’s only because they’ve put his name on a tag around his neck.
And if you need a reason to not eat lunch today, here you go:
Pic: Paola Kudacki/GQ