Did you lose out on the $100k Flamin’ Hot Harambe Cheeto and have been looking for something else to waste your money? Look no further, because Karl Lagerfeld has the perfect thing for you. Continue reading
Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis’ 17-year-old daughter Lily-Rose Depp closed today’s Chanel couture show in something that a rich southern belle would wear to her quinceañera in the 1980s. Lily-Rose looks like a school girl from the 1920s who’s in the middle of getting attacked by a pack of mutated shower puffs from the future. That dress looks like what you would get if you injected steroids into the knitted toilet paper cozy in your memaw’s guest bathroom.
Lily-Rose Depp is apparently Kunty Karl’s current muse and that’s why she wore the wedding dress at the Chanel show in Paris today. Two things:
- I once read an article about the world of couture, and a customer said that nobody asks how much that shit costs. If you have to ask, you can’t afford it. So based on that, I’m guessing that Kunty Karl knows of a billionaire 9-year-old girl who really needs a beyond-froofy froofy Barbie gown for the play wedding she’s having with her teddy bear. Because that’s who that dress is for.
- I hope that Lily-Rose learned how to run in that dress. Because I’m sure that when she and Kunty Karl got backstage, his vampire nostrils started to twitch and when his vampire nostrils start to switch, you better run before it’s too late. He smells your blood!
And here’s more of the Thoroughly Modern Millie’d up models (including a Jenner and a Hadid) at the Chanel couture show.
Kunty Karl can’t physically cry, but if he could, he wouldn’t shed one tear about Kim Kardashian reportedly getting robbed at gunpoint by jewel thieves. Karl basically told reporters after his Chanel show that when you drink Don Pérignon around Three Buck Chuck drinkers, you shouldn’t be surprised when one of them snatches your crystal champagne flute out of your hand. A spokesperson for the Paris police department also hit our eyeballs with a giant DUX (that’s French for “duh,” I checked) by saying that Kim was targeted by alleged thieves because she’s famous, rich and flashed her diamonds all over social media. Pimp Mama Kris, I mean, a family source, tells People that Kim isn’t blaming her pimp mom for choosing that one night to not have cameras on her. Kim is blaming herself.
Weird, right? As soon as I heard that Kim Kardashian was allegedly held at gunpoint by jewel thieves in Paree, I figured that Kunty Karl would immediately drop the virgin he was feeding upon and appear in a Chanel logo-shaped white cloud before her to comfort her. I mean, KK has photographed the lesser KK before, he scribbled out a note of support for her ass and he’s always the epitome of warmth. But if Karl did have a sympathetic bone in his regal vampire body, it wouldn’t feel a thing for Kim. In the Gospel According to Kunty Karl it states that if you’re going to flaunt that luxurious life in front of the peasants, you better protect that luxurious life with the damn A-Team.
In bed with #KanyeWest and @KimKardashian, our 2016 #BAZAARicons chosen by @CarineRoitfeld. The couple talks fame, fortune and how they’d like to be remembered in the September portfolio. Go to the link in our profile to see the full fashion shoot by @KarlLagerfeld, creative direction by #StephenGan and interview by @LauraBrown99 on BAZAAR.com. #WeAreFashion
Harper’s Bazaar’s September issue should’ve been called the “Necrophilia Issue,” because that picture has about as much sexiness and charisma as a picture of a crime scene photographer taking a picture of a dead body. No disrespect to crime scene photographers and dead bodies.
The publishers of Harper’s Bazaar are probably going to be hit with a class action lawsuit from subscribers who no longer have eyeballs because that shit rolled out of their faces and out the door while reading the magazine’s Q&A with Kanye West and Kim Kartrashian. It reads like one of those Facebook quizzes filled out by a fart bubble and a queef bubble.
Le Tax Man Is Coming For Kunty Karl For Allegedly Trying To Hide Over $21 Million From The Government
Fatties, ugly people, Adele and Pippa Middleton are all cackling into the night, because the grand lord of the Death Eaters Kunty Karl is being investigated by French tax authorities for using all kinds of schemes to hide more than 20 million euros. Kunty Karl’s white pot scrubber hair isn’t only filled with the screams of his victims. It may also be filled with tax-evading secrets.
The French newspaper L’Express (via The Daily Mail) says that French authorities believe that over the course of 6 years, Kunty Karl failed to declare a total of 20 million euros. They believe he’s been using places like the British Virgin Islands, Delaware and Ireland to circulate his millions. Authorities are focusing on 7L, a bookshop that Kunty Karl founded in 1999 in Paris. Inside of Kunty Karl’s bookshop is a photo studio owned by a British company, which takes in the revenue from his photography work. The bookshop doesn’t pay taxes because it doesn’t make any money. Apparently, the French authorities think the foreign transactions allowed the “concealing of the undeclared professional activity” of Karl as a photographer.