Jaden Smith Accused The Four Seasons Hotel In Toronto Of Spiking His Pancakes With Death-Killing Cheese
When The Four Seasons hotel in Toronto, Ontario saw that Jaden Smith was booked into their fine establishment for a stay, you would think they would have rolled out the cosmic glitter carpet and made all his entitled rich kid dreams come true. They didn’t. According to Jaden Smith, they actually made things purposely shitty for him.
Ever since Donald Trump won, we’ve all been waiting and waiting for a response from the country’s most esteemed performance artist Angelyne. But since Angelyne has kept quiet, we’ll have to settle for Shia LaBeouf for now. Shia and his partners in high artistry, Nastja Säde Rönkkö and Luke Turner, have followed up their hitchhiking piece titled #TAKEMEANYWHERE with an anti-Trump art installation that will last for the next four years….or until someone (read: Kellyanne Conway in a Gucci ninja outfit) accidentally hits it with a hammer several times during the night.
Lately, Jared Leto has been looking like the pure definition of a fashion victim, and at The Fashion Awards 2016 in London last night, he turned it all the way up. If Jared and his stylist were going for “Willy Wonka after getting a bootleg Beatles haircut and dye job and moving to The Valley to become a sleazy porn producer,” they nailed it hard. That Gucci’d out ensemble just screams, “I’m going to make you a STAH, baby, now let’s go back to my place to sign the contracts….” Trick looks like the orgy baby that every character in Boogie Nights made together.
Well, I guess if you’re going to look like Liberace as seen through the eyes of Terry Richardson, a fashion awards show is the place to do it. And Jared Leto, who is becoming a Fighting The Hot Grand Champion, must’ve gotten sick of hos throwing their coochies and assholes at him all the time, so he turned himself into a walking boner killer by getting a janky bowl cut that looks like it was done with safety scissors. That’ll do it!
Here’s a million more pictures from The Fashion Awards. Come for David Gandy (“You can say that again.” – your genitals) and stay for Donatella Versace serving up Solid Gold Muppet sexiness.
Millions of people have seen Doctor Strange (proof: the $85 million it made at the domestic box office this past weekend), but I bet that none of them were more enlightened by it than intergalactic sage Jaden Smith. Jaden Smith’s mind is already wide open so it takes something beyond powerful to open it up even more and that movie about a surgeon wizard did just that. If Marvel passed out donation baskets after every showing of Doctor Strange, Jaden would’ve dropped in the AMEX black card his parents gave him, because that movie was like a life-changing sermon to him. You won’t find me (totally) laughing at 18-year-old Jaden Smith, because when I was around his age, I saw Showgirls for the first time and immediately declared that holy work of art my new spiritual advisor, and it still is!
By “shit,” I of course mean IMMENSE KNOWLEDGE. And yes, “Immense Knowledge” is the name of their weed strain of choice.
FKA Twigs is a lot of things. She’s a singer, a songwriter, a dancer, an artiste and Robert Pattinson’s promised one. And after reading her interview with ES Magazine, I learned that she either took the same Scientology homeschool classes as Willow and Jaden Smith or all of their brains were cut from the same hemp cloth. Because FKA Twigs gets deep. FKA Twigs may look like Fievel’s sister from An American Tail, but when she stares out into the vast night, she doesn’t sing Somewhere Out There, she reads the stars.
Jaden Smith is many things: actor, child of famous people, enlightened intergalactic space philosopher. But did you know he was also once a vampire? It’s true! Well, at least according to Jaden Smith. You know, I always pictured Jaden as more of a wise alien taking the form of a rich teenage earthling, but I was clearly wrong.