There was a time when the only hope of understanding Jaden Smith’s weirdo tweets might have come in the form of a night class offered at an adult education facility located on a planet 12,000 light years away. But not anymore! Jaden Smith is here to walk you through some of his more bizarre tweets, and there’s no risk that you’ll also be offered a free copy of Dianetics.
Now that Jada Pinkett Smith has her own Facebook show, Red Table Talks, she’s been sharing all sorts of nuggets from the Pinkett-Smith family vault. One such tidbit is that she was devastated when Jaden Smith asked to be emancipated at age 15. You see, back when he was just a little proto-humanoid, Jaden wanted to be emancipated from his overbearing parents. Can you believe those monsters wouldn’t even help him find a doctor who would perform a surgery on him that would reverse his torso so he could wear his pants backwards without actually wearing backwards pants?! Will and Jada told him “no son, if you want reverse torso surgery, you’re going to have to find a doctor to perform it yourself and pay for it out of your own elective surgery allowance!”. Parents, they just don’t understand!
If you’re rich and famous enough, you can bring anyone you want with you to the Met Gala. Elon Musk and Grimes both brought the most random dates. Jaden Smith is a very special person (just ask him), which means he doesn’t bring a typical date. In 2016 he brought his little sister Willow Smith. Last year he brought his own hair. This year, Jaden walked into the Met Gala accompanied by the gold record he got for his single “Icon.”
Jaden has an actual, real-life girlfriend that he could have brought (Odessa Adlon). But he chose the gold record instead. That’s a good idea, because it saves Jaden a lot of time. I know that if Jaden Smith told me he released a single that sold 500,000 copies, my response would be, “Yeah right, prove it.”
As for how that record fits in with last night’s theme of Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, that’s anyone’s guess. Jaden’s outfit was by Louis Vuitton and appears to have taken zero inspiration from Catholicism, Heaven, or even Fashion. Unless Jaden was going for a first year fashion school student who returned to his midwest town for his cousin’s first communion, and really takes a lot of pleasure in telling his aunt that no, he doesn’t do Sears ties anymore.
The only problem with that record – besides being a cringey future reminder of Jaden’s teenage hubris – is that it had to have been a pain in the ass once he was inside. Oh, it’s fun to pose with, but it goes from cool to corny real fast when someone accidentally swipes it at the urinal and you have to retrieve it from the lost and found.
But of course this could only be Lady Gaga. While others might think, “You know, maybe this year I’ll walk up the red carpet in a piece that makes it looks like I’m trying to cover up all the hair I lost after leaving my at-home highlighting kit on for too long,” Lady Gaga goes out and does it. She tells her stylist to make her look like a 73-year-old balding hippie who refuses to face the music about their hair situation, and she wears it with pride! As for her outfit, well that’s another story all together.
Jaden Smith Accused The Four Seasons Hotel In Toronto Of Spiking His Pancakes With Death-Killing Cheese
When The Four Seasons hotel in Toronto, Ontario saw that Jaden Smith was booked into their fine establishment for a stay, you would think they would have rolled out the cosmic glitter carpet and made all his entitled rich kid dreams come true. They didn’t. According to Jaden Smith, they actually made things purposely shitty for him.
Ever since Donald Trump won, we’ve all been waiting and waiting for a response from the country’s most esteemed performance artist Angelyne. But since Angelyne has kept quiet, we’ll have to settle for Shia LaBeouf for now. Shia and his partners in high artistry, Nastja Säde Rönkkö and Luke Turner, have followed up their hitchhiking piece titled #TAKEMEANYWHERE with an anti-Trump art installation that will last for the next four years….or until someone (read: Kellyanne Conway in a Gucci ninja outfit) accidentally hits it with a hammer several times during the night.