Category: You Don’t Say

Kanye West Pretty Much Admits That His Presidential Campaign Is Designed To Hurt Joe Biden’s Chances

August 7, 2020 / Posted by:

Kanye West is supposed to be focusing on Operation: Save His Shit Marriage in an “island fortress” somewhere in the Dominican Republican, but I guess Pimp Mama Kris’ Zoom call presentation, where she uses storyboards to show how they can stretch out the inevitable KimYe divorce for maximum attention and profits, doesn’t take all day. Because Kanye managed to pull himself away for a minute to talk to his good friends at Forbes about how the Donald Trump campaign is helping him get on the ballot in certain states. That move makes it look like Kanye2020 is a reboot of JillStein2016, and he didn’t deny that, but he later tweeted that his goal is to win it all. So basically he’s Amber Rose’s three fingers and the presidential race is his booty hole because he’s all the way in.

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Kanye West, Who Was Never In The Presidential Race, Is Possibly Out Of The Presidential Race

July 15, 2020 / Posted by:
It’s been less than two weeks since Kanye West threw his MAGA hat into the dumpster and tossed his MAPEM (Make America Puke Even More) hat into the presidential ring and promised to give Joe Biden and Donald Trump some competition. Kanye followed that certified STUNT QUEEN stunt with a Forbes interview where he let us know he has removed his tongue from Trump’s MAGA-hole, is against vaccines, is against abortion, isn’t running for president as a stunt to promote his new album, and will model the U.S. government after Wakanda from Black Panther. Many laughed at Kanye wanting to use Wakanda as an important tool in his presidency, but um, Trump inadvertently uses Idiocracy as an important tool in his presidency, so…. Kanye also denied that he’s mentally unwell even though sources claim he’s going through a bipolar disorder.
But it looks like President Yeezy is a thing that will not happen anytime soon because there are claims that his campaign is as dead as Pimp Mama Kris’ soul. You’re probably bubbling on the inside with pure SHOCK over this surprising development. Or you’ve just got the farts from reading about another Kardashian story. BUT WAIT, TMZ says he’s still making moves to join the presidential election circus.

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Kristin Cavallari’s Homemade Goat Milk Baby Formula Probably Isn’t A Great Idea

March 22, 2016 / Posted by:

Last week, while hustling the future Barnes & Noble clearance table hit Balancing in Heels, we learned that MTV employee-turned-chemical truther Kristin Cavallari chose to skip the typical baby formula and feed her babies a homemade formula made from goat’s milk. The reason she chose to do that was because her kids couldn’t handle cow milk, and soy milk is – according to Kristin – “usually genetically modified.” was so excited about Kristin’s discovery, that they decided to post the recipe for her homemade goat milk baby slurry on their website. Unfortunately, promoting dubious diet advice from a reality TV star anti-vaxxer came back to bite them in the ass. Whoever would have guessed that would happen?

According to a blog called Friendly Atheist on Patheos (via Today), People deleted Kristin’s recipe from their site because several doctors came forward and slapped at them for publishing it. Professional medical sources, like the American Academy of Pediatrics and the US Department of Agriculture, don’t recommend that children under 12 months drink goat milk (or cow milk or soy milk) because it doesn’t provide enough nutrients.

Dr. Ruth Lawrence, a professor of pediatrics, obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Rochester Medical Center, told the Today show that she seconds what the AAP said. She adds that giving your kid a homemade formula like Kristin’s goat’s milk could result in nutritional deficiencies and “all sorts of problems“, like anemia, kidney problems, and something called metabolic acidosis. When asked for comment, Kristin replied: “Metabolic acidosis? Never heard of that one. Is that a type of GMO?

I’m sure there’s many people screaming “DUH!” at the news that Kristin Cavallari doesn’t know what she’s talking about. But it’s still probably a good thing that a couple of people who went to medical school for this sort of thing called her out. And don’t say there’s no one dumb enough to believe what Kristin Cavallari says. I once believed a friend who told me I could get a full day’s worth of vitamins and nutrients from a McDonald’s 6-piece nugget combo. So yeah, they’re out there.

Here’s more of Kristin signing copies of Balancing in Heels at a Barnes & Noble yesterday with what I’m sure is a totally organic non-toxic chemical-free vegetable ink-based marker.

Pics: Splash,

Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model Robyn Lawley Hates That She’s Considered Plus-Size

February 7, 2015 / Posted by:

The second it was revealed yesterday that the 2015 Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Issue would feature their first “plus-size model“, people put on their coats and shoes, walked their asses down to the nearest book store, bought a dictionary, wrapped it up, and threw that shit in the FedEx truck bound for the SI head office with a note attached that read “The definition of ‘plus-size’ is on page 798, take a look – xo, everyone with working eyes“, because their so-called plus-sized model looked pretty much like an original recipe model.

And even the model in question, Robyn Lawley, thinks it’s BS that she’s considered a plus-size model. During an appearance on the TODAY show Thursday, Robyn – who is a size 12, and not a size 10 as previously reported – spoke about her size, saying: “On the runway it’s mainly a size 0 to a size 4, and I am like triple the size of these girls.” But she later clarified in an Instagram post that that’s no reason to use the term plus-size:

“Chatting with the @todayshow today about @si_swimsuit kudos to @mj_day I’m with everyone there that’s it’s ludicrous to call me plus size and I’ve stated that publicly pretty much every step of the way, of my career, si_swimsuit are at the forefront of embracing women of a variety of sizes! They’ve been doing that from the beginning and they have not once called me plus size, it’s about time we forgo labels and embraced size diversity in the fashion world and mainstream media!!! #loveyournaturalsize”

A variety of sizes” – sure, if the sizes range from XS (xtra sexy) to XL (xtreme-ly sexy).

Robyn’s right though – it doesn’t really matter what size she is. All that matters to the SI subscribers waiting anxiously by the mailbox for their annual Bikini Babe Bible is that she’s in it. “What size is she? Uh…36DD? Can I have my sexy booby magazine now?


Megan Fox Says She Doesn’t Like People

August 12, 2014 / Posted by:

Last night, the almost-lifelike prototype for a generic-brand RealDoll Megan Fox informed human wine aerator Chelsea Handler and the audience of Chelsea Lately (via Moviefone) that even though she looks like a friendly humanoid, she’s not into people. Yes, she knows she was programmed to interact with people, but it doesn’t mean she has to like them. In fact, the only humans she likes are ones that fell out of her silicone vagina, and she’s very grateful they take up so much of her time, because it means less time being forced to interact with people:

“You don’t sleep [and] every minute is … dedicated to someone else.” The actress said she’s become a homebody because she’s always taking care of her sons, though she admits that she prefers not interacting with others. “I don’t like people,” she told host Chelsea Handler. “That’s why you want to hang out with fucking turtles,” Handler observed.

Maybe that’s why she wants to find Bigfoot so badly – so she can find out the best locations to hide from people.

My initial response was to tell Megan to watch her mouth, since people are the ones who put her in movies and repair the cracks in her silicone, but realistically, how long is it till the robots take over and human-looking sexy replicants like Megan Fox are the ones in charge? Not long! ASIMO, the sexiest of the sexy robots (#DatRoboBooty), can play soccer now! That means we’re only like, what, 4 years away from some roboskank cutting in line at Starbucks and bleep-blorping out a complicated drink order. “I want a grande high viscosity non-sludge extra-hot motor oil. What do you mean you want a name for the cup? Don’t you know who I am? I’m a TEEN-1600 droid, bitch, who the eff are you?”

The Topic Of Feminism Really Bores Yawna Del Rey

June 5, 2014 / Posted by:

It seems like reporters and writers just keep asking famous people to brain burp up their thoughts about feminism, because those reporters and writers know that the answer could give birth to a million blog posts (see: the Diva Cup-wearing, pit fur-flaunting woodland leaf fairy Shailene Woodley). Channel 4 News asked Pharrell Williams if he considers himself a feminist and the smooth rat of NIMH looked down at his dick, shrugged and then said that he’s not even sure if he can be a feminist since he doesn’t have a pussy. Feminismismism: How Does It Work? By Pharrell Williams.

“I’ve been asked if I’m a feminist. I don’t think it’s possible for me to be that. I’m a man. I mean… it makes sense up until a certain point, you know?”

Elle UK asked Keira Knightley about feminism and she’s a card carrying feminist:

“There is an under-representation of our stories, just as there is an under-representation of us in politics and in business and everywhere. That’s what feminism is [to me] right now – the recognition that we are still not equal.”

And then there’s the lazy-faced, intergalactic space nymph Lana Del Rey who sprains an eye rolling muscle every time someone spurts out the word “feminism” into her ear. The subject of feminism puts Lana Del Taco to sleep and that’s saying a lot since bitch is already in a waking coma. Talking to Lana Del Rey about feminism is like pouring NyQuil on an Ambien pill. During a talk with Fader, they asked her about it and she said she’d much rather use her time talking about Saturn and shit:

“For me, the issue of feminism is just not an interesting concept,” she says. “I’m more interested in, you know, SpaceX and Tesla, what’s going to happen with our intergalactic possibilities. Whenever people bring up feminism, I’m like, god. I’m just not really that interested.” Fortunately, her ambivalence about politics doesn’t undo any subversiveness that may be embedded in her work (though, nor does it excuse any ill it may cause). When pressed, she adds, more illuminatingly, “My idea of a true feminist is a woman who feels free enough to do whatever she wants.”

Anybody who’s listened to the lyrics of Lana’s songs know that she’s practically the Gloria Steinem of music (served in pill form with a glass of warm sarcasm). I’m with Lana, though. I don’t want to hear Lana dribble about feminism either. I’d much rather her take me up, up and away by filling my head with the acid and weed-infused words that come out of her mouth when she talks about space travel. You know that shit is fucked up.

And let’s see, Lana’s  5’7″, isn’t really into feminism, is really into aliens and she’s naturally got robotic facial expressions. Tommy Girl, come get your beard wife #4!

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