Category: Kristin Cavallariwhatever

Jessica Biel Says She’s NOT An Anti-Vaxxer…. But She Probably Is One

June 13, 2019 / Posted by:

Jessica Biel really is that Rich White Woman. You know the one? The one who has so much money and time on her hands she opens up a kids-play place for other rich moms and then after it closes because that’s not a sustainable business practice, she simply moves on with her life because the financial hit was not only something she could survive, but she has so much money she can continue to thrive? And then she also doesn’t vaccinate her kids because she heard from one of the other moms who was at her rich kid daycare that they cause autism, which she learned from her shaman/healer/“Spiritual Hacker”? That Rich White Woman.

It’s now come to light that Jessica is possibly on Team Anti-Vaxx as she spoke out in an attempt to stop a bill which would increase the number of vaccinated kids in California.

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Kristin Cavallari’s Husband Unclogs Her Milk Ducts By Sucking Harder Then He’s Ever Sucked

April 12, 2019 / Posted by:

Kristin Cavallari recently revealed that her husband Jay Cutler unclogged her milk ducts by “sucking harder than he’s ever sucked.” Great, so now I have the image of 35-year-old Jay acting like an angry man-baby breastfeeding on one of Kristin’s boobs. For fuck’s sake, Kristin! If this is her way of trying to get us to beg her to talk about anything else, even vaccines, then it’s working.

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Mischa Barton Is Going To Be In “The Hills” Reboot

October 3, 2018 / Posted by:

Because a check is a check and Mischa Barton really needs a check, she’s doing what anyone in her position would do: “reality” TV. Heidi and Spencer Pratt and the rest of the people on The Hills whose names you can never remember showed up to the MTV VMAs this year and promised a reboot was in the works. Brody Jenner and Whitney Port somehow signed up for this, but news dropped today that one Marissa Cooper…aka Mischa…will be jumping from fiction to, uh, fiction-that-is-called-real-life and be (presumably) the Lauren Conrad/Kristin Cavallari role.

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“The Hills” Is Coming Back… But Without Lauren Conrad And Kristin Cavallari 

August 21, 2018 / Posted by:

Last night at the MTV VMAs, the drips and bowls of bland oatmeal from The Hills came back together to announce that MTV is bringing back the series that launched the careers of all the people not in attendance for the reunion.

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Now In “Things You Didn’t Need To Know” News: Kristin Cavallari Says Her Husband Is Getting A Vasectomy

March 24, 2016 / Posted by:

In a move that is no doubt making pediatric professionals everywhere let out a giant sigh of relief, Kristin Cavallari recently admitted that she won’t be having any more kids. Well, at least not with her football-playing Dillard’s department store mannequin husband Jay Cutler.

During an interview on SiriusXM’s Conversations with Maria Menounos (via UsWeekly), Kristin sort-of hinted that she and Jay were taking “permanent measures” to prevent another Mayson or Henlee from joining their three children, Camden, Jaxon, and Saylor. When asked if they were thinking of a vasectomy (aka the ball-snip one) or a hysterectomy (aka the “Sayonara, uterus” one), Kristin said the end of their baby-making days would probably come courtesy of the first one. Kristin’s logic is that since she was the one who pushed three of his giant-headed babies out of her body, Jay could pay it forward by letting a doctor cut-ler his vas deferens.

I don’t blame Kristin for not wanting to get a hysterectomy. You’ve got to protect that investment! What if she and Jay get divorced, and a few months later Kristin meets a billionaire with a thing for knocking-up bland blonde anti-vaxxers? That would truly be a gold-digging shame.

No word on how Jay feels about a trip to the snip-snip room. But it sounds like Kristin is pretty set on getting him in there. And it wouldn’t be that hard to trick him into it. According to Kristin, Jay doesn’t eat chemical-filled toxic garbage food anymore. So don’t be surprised if you see Kristin scribbling the words “Free Oreos and Doritos, This Way” on a piece of paper and taping it to the door of a vasectomy clinic.

Pic: Instagram

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