I’m just going to assume someone else has already made a The Jam Don’t Lie joke instead, as I report that Shakira supposedly found out that her partner was cheating on her after noticing someone had been dipping into her strawberry jam while she was away. And he don’t eat jam. Detective La Toya better start using that XXL magnifying glass to examine the Help Wanted section because Shakira has stolen her gig. Not only that, Hercule Perot, Miss Marple, Benoit Blanc, Sherlock Holmes, Jessica Fletcher, Bunk & McNutty, Martha Stewart, and Bonne Maman were all found dead with a crinkled-up note on their chests with the words “The Jam Don’t Lie” written in lipstick, signed “Detective Shakira.”
During their joint half-time performance, Jennifer Lopez let the world know that when they go low, she goes loud. But apparently, Shakira does not adhere to that same philosophy. When she found out that her partner of twelve years, footballer Gerard Pique, went low down on Clara Chia Marti during their relationship, instead of getting loud, Shakira got quietly to work in the studio. She released a diss track letting him know he “traded a Rolex for a Casio.” But for sharp-eyed fans, the clues were there all along that something was rotten in Denmark, AKA the back of the fridge. According to ShowNews, Shakira recently admitted that a scene in a music video for Te Felicito, which came out last year with Puerto Rican singer Rauw Alejandro, is a reference to her discovery of The Smoking Jam. Jezebel reports:
In August of last year, Shakira put out a single with Rauw Alejandro called “Te Felicito.” One particular scene in the music video for the single shows Shakira peering into a fridge, and when asked about the scene in interviews (according to a very murky string of sources, I must add), Shakira reportedly said she was hoping to “find the truth.” In the fridge!
The story gets increasingly blurry from here, but according to ShowNews.today, a Spanish TV program called Socialite declared that Shakira caught her husband cheating after discovering a partially eaten jar of jam. She had been out of town promoting her music…but Shakira is supposedly the only one in her household who eats strawberry jam! Gerard hates jam! So who could’ve eaten the jam other than…his mistress?!
Um, I can think of one person… Rebekah Vardy! JK, I heard that tart only eats marmalade. Which in itself is a whole ass lie. Yuck. Paddington Bear is tripping with that one. Here’s the video. The Case of The Strawberry Tart swings wide open at about 1:32.
Pic: Media Punch/INSTARimages.com