Category: Suri Cruise

Suri Cruise Is Already Applying To Colleges, And Tom Cruise Still Plays “No Part” In Her Life

March 22, 2023 / Posted by:

I still remember the moment I first saw her. It was October 2006. I was in my college dorm room, manically refreshing every gossip site in existence to procrastinate writing an essay about some boring-ass poem by Robert Frost (I ended up getting a 60%, cuz the TA said I had “no thesis”). Suddenly, there she was, on the cover of Vanity Fair, with momma Katie Holmes and poppa Tom Cruise. A wee infant with a mop of dark hair and deep blue eyes. This was Suri Cruise, aka Scientology’s baby Jesus. Since her magazine debut in the mid-aughts, Suri has (GASP) grown up. Now she’s 16, going on 17, and, according to The Daily Mail, she’s already applying to colleges. The thesis of this story? We’re old. Continue reading

Leah Remini Believes That Tom Cruise Will Try To Lure Suri Into Scientology When She Gets Older

August 13, 2020 / Posted by:

Leah Remini, Scientologist turned Scientology’s biggest enemy after critical thinking, has long been a thorn in Scientology’s Thetan-covered asshole, and recently, she’s really been going in on its crown prince Tom Cruise. Leah has accused Tommy of being a brown-headed Ellen DeGeneres since he pushes the nice guy image but is really a diabolical troll monster who tortures other Scientologists and is morphing into a clone of Scientology’s evil overlord David Miscavige. And now Leah Remini is speculating that Tommy’s brain has sharted up a “master plan” involving his estranged daughter Suri Cruise. Oh, Leah, don’t ruin Katie Holmes’ Biden/Harris-induced O by putting that dark-sided theory into the galaxy!

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A Former Scientologist Says That Tom Cruise Isn’t Allowed To See Suri Cruise

July 31, 2019 / Posted by:

That headline probably prompted at least one person to wonder when Captain Obvious got into Scientology. But the former Scientologist in question is once again Sam Domingo, former wife of Placido Domingo Jr. The last time Sam opened up about Scientology, she claimed that Tom Cruise and his children Isabella and Connor Cruise were forced to disconnect from their mother, Nicole Kidman, after she split from Tom and Scientology. Sam is back, this time talking to UsWeekly. And according to Sam, there’s a reason why you don’t see current pictures of Tom and his 13-year-old daughter Suri Cruise, and it’s because Suri allegedly got the Nicole treatment.

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Tom Cruise Supposedly Can See Suri But Chooses Not To 

October 4, 2018 / Posted by:

When we last heard about Tom Cruise and his non-relationship with his 12-year-old daughter Suri Cruise, Leah Remini was saying that Katie Holmes could lose custody of Suri just by talking to her, and that came after we heard Tom hasn’t seen Suri in years. A source tells UsWeekly that Tom could see Suri, but he doesn’t, because she’s not a Scientologist. While most of us would award Tom the Asshole Dad of the Year award for that, I’m sure David Miscavige is awarding him with The Most Amazing And Perfect Dad award, but then again he probably gets that every morning from his Scientology minions.  Continue reading

Katie Holmes Could Lose Custody Of Suri Cruise By Talking To Leah Remini, So Says Leah Remini 

September 27, 2018 / Posted by:

As everyone and their Thetans know, Anti-Scientology Warrior Queen Leah Remini has made a second career out of calling out the head bitches of the Cult of L. Ron Hubbard for the way Scientologists have been treated while in the group of L. Ro worshipers and after leaving it. Leah has really gone in on the Jesus of Scientology, Tom Cruise, and called him “diabolical,” said he’s untouchable in Scientology, and that he could easily bring down the Crazy Kingdom of E-Meters if he wanted to (which I’m sure he doesn’t since he’s probably addicted to the feeling of a thousand tongues up his Scientolohole). And now Leah’s saying that he could also rip Suri Cruise out of Katie Holmes‘ arms for talking to her.

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Suri Cruise Threw A Capitalist Punch With Her NYC Pride Lemonade Stand

June 25, 2018 / Posted by:

With millions of people descending upon New York City last weekend for the country’s largest Pride Month celebration, it was clear there was a helluva lot of money to be made from thirsty queens. While most of us might snicker into thinking ‘dat cash would go to vodka sodas and Grindr Premium accounts, Suri Cruise figured she could make enough money to just about buy out the entire Build-a-Bear corporation by hawking lemonade in front of her house in Manhattan. She wasn’t wrong. Continue reading

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