Suki Waterhouse Is Pissed At The “Gossip Girl” Reboot For Calling Her Robert Pattinson’s “Nobody” Girlfriend
If you looked at the name Suki Waterhouse above, you may have thought to yourself, “Those Gossip Girl bitches better watch out because she’s got powers and shit and has taken down mega-powerful vampires.” Well, I need to tell you that’s Sookie Stackhouse you’re thinking of! You may have responded to that with, “Okay, well, those Gossip Girl tricks better watch out because I’ve seen her brawl on Jersey Shore.” That’s Snooki! And you may have responded to that with, “Oh, okay, um, well, those Gossip Girl dick wipes better watch out because she’s a major accounting firm with billions of dollars and can sue them broke!” That’s PricewaterhouseCoopers! We’re talking about Suki Waterhouse the actress who has been in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Assassination Nation, and Detective Pikachu. Or you may remember her as Bradley Cooper’s one-time young pap partner who he read Lolita to in the park. But I’m guessing you won’t find Gossip Girl on Suki’s resume anytime soon because she spat at the reboot and pretty much called them sexist for calling her a “nobody” in a line about her and her boyfriend of around three years Robert Pattinson. Whatever the opposite of “xoxo” is, that’s what Suki feels about Gossip Girl.
Well, there’s unsurprising development in the cheating saga that has made many of us say, “Will an A-list, or B-list, or even C-list celebrity pull some foolery so we aren’t left with the drama of a rejected Kardashian?!”
There was a rumor that 23-year-old Instagram model Montana Yao (left) had started talking to divorce lawyers after her eyes got a giant serving of paparazzi pictures of her NBA player husband, 24-year-old Malik Beasley, holding hands with 46-year-old Larsa Pippen who is an ex-Real Housewive of Miami, estranged wife of Scottie Pippen, enemy of the Kartrashians, and all-around fame whore. And according to E! News, Montana did more than just talk to lawyers, she went ahead and filed papers to legally quit that bitch.
America’s third favorite Spider-Man, Andrew Garfield, was spotted strolling in London with the same mystery woman he reportedly started dating back in November. It’s a big change for Andrew to go from dating a white-hot A-lister like Emma Stone, to a plain, nondescript gal like Rita Ora (that’s her name, according to Daily Mail). The pair were photographed walking together in the Primrose Hill neighborhood, and “Rita hid her peroxide blonde locks under her trendy baker boy hat” as if she thought she might be recognized. Which might actually be true. The Mail calls her “The Hot Right Now hitmaker, 28”, so I guess if I cared to Google “Hot Right Now”, I might be able to figure out who she is. She’s alternately described as a “blond bombshell”, a “singer” and “Your Song hitmaker”. This is my “Mr. Police, I gave you all the clues” moment, and I am failing miserably!
Kanye West did his pal and confidant, Candace Owens, a solid by helping her design T-shirts for her new political “movement” called Blexit. What’s, Blexit you ask? Well, it’s a campaign Candace is ramrodding which is supposed to encourage black people to “exit” the democratic party. Per Blexit’s newly launched website: “BLEXIT is a renaissance. It is our formal declaration of independence”. And everybody knows that the one thing every renaissance needs is beautiful art, and thanks to Kanye, this is now “art”.
Doogie Howser M.D. sure has come up in the world. Neil Patrick Harris has hosted the Tony Awards a few times, but sadly he’s forgotten all the little people upon whose heads he tap danced on his way to the top. One such head is Crazy-Ex Girlfriend Rachel Bloom’s. Last night, for the second year in a row, Rachel was the backstage host at the Tonys and Neil was watching from home with his spawn and live tweeting. Neil was either suffering from soap opera amnesia or was super salty to be left out because he went in hard on Rachel with a Mariah worthy “I don’t know her”.
Think you know who Lindsay Shookus is? Well think again! Lindsay gave an explosive interview to Elle magazine (titled Who Is Lindsay Shookus) and revealed that she was raised by circus clowns and that she once ate an entire Piper Cub airplane on a dare! Oh, and she’s the one who did Ben Affleck’s tattoo (she has a matching one on her sternum). These are facts I wish I’d learned reading her interview. Sadly, they are not. They are facts I made up because the truth is; Lindsay’s kind of a snooze. If that’s what you thought you knew about Lindsay Shookus, then, my bad, you were right.