Category: Just Say No

Post Malone Wants Everyone To Know His Recent Weight Loss Is From Healthy Living And “Dad Life” And Not Because Of Drugs

April 28, 2023 / Posted by:

Post Malone is nearing the homestretch of his global Twelve Carat Tour, and ever since it began in September 2022, he’s been noticeably shrinking. A few months ago, his dad spoke up to assure fans that they didn’t need to be worried about Post because he’d just been making healthier choices, and the weight loss was not due to illness or drug addiction. But that must not have been enough to quell the chatter because Post himself just made a post of his own to once again let everyone know he’s NOT doing drugs, and he’s just made a conscious effort to improve his health so he can be around longer for his daughter. Not once mentioned? Ozempic. Kyle Richards approves of this message!

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Here’s The Trailer For The Elizabeth Banks Directed “Cocaine Bear”

November 30, 2022 / Posted by:

Elizabeth Banks is only three films into her directing career and each more filled with LIES than the last! First there was 2015’s unnecessary sequel Pitch Perfect 2, starring a dubiously aged Rebel Wilson, followed by 2019’s unnecessary sequel Charlie’s Angels, starring a dubiously angelic Kristen Stuart. Now we have the first trailer for Elizabeth’s third outing, Cocaine Bear, which purports to be “inspired by true events” and features a dubiously alive and vicious bear on a rampage after having ingested 76 pounds of cocaine that fell from the sky in a Kentucky forest in 1985.

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The My Pillow Guy Appeared On “Jimmy Kimmel Live!”

April 29, 2021 / Posted by:

Remember a couple of months ago when that other guy was president? Yeah, me neither but apparently the other guy’s ride-or-die (the one whose home and office were not just raided by the feds), purveyor of fine pillows and bat-shit conspiracy theories, Mike Lindell, AKA the My Pillow guy, appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night and it went about as well as you’d expect. Against the advice of just about everybody, Jimmy welcomed Mike on the show perhaps in an attempt to highlight the long term effects of crack cocaine on the human brain. Did Jimmy forget that Nancy Reagan already took care of this issue? Like Nancy (and Jane Krakowski) said, #JustSayNoToCrackpots.

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Open Post: Hosted By A Non-Participating Legend

August 28, 2020 / Posted by:

Fuck your taffeta, screw this tulle. Choke on these streamers, and another thing, how are you all so goddamn ugly? You people make me sick. And you, Becky or whatever your name is, your little penguin dance can fuck all the way off, OK? I’m done with you people.” —Wisdom from the mouths of babes.

4-year-old Charlie Cosby opted out of the bullshit at her outdoor dance recital and is being heralded as “a legend” and “an icon” based on a viral TikTok video of her placidly standing on stage while lesser children made utter fools of themselves for The Man. Unh-uh, not a chance. Dance and frolic? You must be outta your goddamn mind.

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Wasping Is The Lastest Drug Trend In West Virginia

July 19, 2019 / Posted by:

When I first heard the term “wasping” referred to as a drug, I thought it was a designer drug for White Anglo Saxon Protestants, something real fancy that you would find in your rich aunt’s medicine cabinet, or like freebasing swatches of Lilly Pulitzer fabric. Well, like most things in life, I was wrong. Very wrong. As it turns out “wasping” is a term for people who use anti-wasp spray to get a meth-like high, and it’s an epidemic of sorts in West Virginia.

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