Post Malone Would Like You To Know That He Is NOT On Drugs

March 7, 2020 / Posted by:

Here’s a novel concept: when you begin to stumble around in public, slurring your speech and falling down for no apparent reason, and just generally acting a (bigger) fool, people are going to take note. And they may even reach out with wild theories and unfounded diagnoses. Well, if you happen to be one of those people, Post Malone would like to talk to you.

24-year-old Post, who looks like the human equivalent of a broken, beer-soaked Etch-a-Sketch, recently lit up the internet after a series of concert performances where he exhibits all of the above behavior. And concertgoers, with video phones at the ready, have been trying to stage an intervention by circulating clips in the hopes that Post will notice. And notice, he did.

One of the videos in question stems from a recent performance he gave during his Runaway tour:

And this wasn’t the only performance where he demonstrated some weird-ass moves (but I don’t want to search for any more videos. PLEASE don’t make me go and search for any more videos of Post Malone rapping!) Hoping to squash any further talk about drugs, Post took some time out from “performing” at his Friday night gig at the FedExForum in Memphis, Tennessee to calm everybody down.

In case you can’t hear Post’s muffled explanation over the sound of screaming 15 year-olds (can you imagine getting a round of applause for telling the world that you’re not on drugs and that your poor life decisions were actually made with a clear head?), here’s a transcript in all its eloquent glory:

“I’m not on drugs! I feel the best I’ve ever fucking felt in my life,” the 24-year-old rapper said. “And that’s why I can bust my ass for these shows and fucking fall on the floor and do all that fun shit. But for anyone that’s concerned here, I appreciate the love and the support, but I feel fucking fantastic and I’m not doing drugs.”

Plenty of people are throwing some major side-eye at that explanation. Others are going so far as to dismiss the accusations by reinforcing the idea that ALL rock stars are on drugs at ALL times––who cares?

But I get it. With everything going on in this world, like a deadly and rapidly spreading virus, and the general dumpster fire that is the environment, Post Malone’s health should be a top priority. Especially since it’s not like the guy hasn’t gone out of his way since day one to look like the pillar of health and reason. In the meantime, le’ts collectively settle down and just let Post Malone “do all that fun shit.”


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