Category: Politics As Usual
“The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” Loses Its Head Writer
The Tonight Show’s head writer, Rebecca Drysdale, is leaving after just six months on the job. To be fair, six months in pandemic/election-times is roughly 15 years, so I hope Jimmy Fallon presents her with a nice gold watch. Initially, news outlets were reporting that Rebecca was departing because she was done writing Trump jokes. They were reporting that, in a private Facebook post, Rebecca shared that NBC told her she wasn’t a good fit, and she agreed. She allegedly went on to write that she believed making fun of Trump only added to his power, that she’d never write another comedy sketch about him again, and writing about Trump had led to division and pain in the writers’ rooms she’d worked in. But PLOT TWIST: Rebecca went on Twitter to say, “NUH UH.” She says her statements in the Facebook post were taken out of context, and that the media should retract their stories.
Patti LuPone Gave Her Review Of Trump’s Balcony Performance
Last night He Who Must Not Be Named returned from Walter Reed Medical Center, where he was being treated for coronavirus, via helicopter, trundled up the stairs to the White House balcony, took off his mask, and stood there huffing and puffing with all the effortless grace of Vincent D’Onofrio’s cockroach alien guy from Men in Black.
Patti LuPone took one look at that shit, and immediately screamed “Did it better!” The Broadway legend, who’s made her revulsion for the Orange Buffoon well known, compared the post-hospital display to the famous scene from Evita, where First Lady of Argentina Eva Perón stands on her balcony, near death, and addresses her adoring public with the ballad, “Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina”. Adoring public? LOL, he wishes.
Dennis Quaid And CeCe Winans Will Reportedly Appear In Ads Supportive Of Trump’s Coronavirus Response (But They Both Deny That It’s Political)
According to Politico, the Trump Administration’s Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) is spending $300 million of taxpayer dollars to put a positive spin on Trump’s response to coronavirus and jack him off. And helping with that will be Dennis Quaid, and CeCe Winans, and possibly Garth Brooks, and Dr. Oz. But both Dennis and CeCe claim the PSA is not political or an endorsement of Trump. Meanwhile, Jon Voight is loudly weeping somewhere while sitting by the phone.
Taylor Swift Slams Donald Trump For “Dismantling Of USPS”
Ever since that Netflix documentary, “Miss Americana”, where Taylor Swift finally decided to join the rest of the pop music world and voice an opinion about the horrible state of the country ever since Donald Trump took over, she has been dragging his expired foundation-covered ass (which probably isn’t easy when your dad is ~allegedly~ a Trump-supporting Republican). Yesterday, Taylor took another swipe at Trump in a series of tweets calling him out for trying to steal the election and his continued attack on the US Postal Service. Expect Trump to call her a “Tayloser” who is not that hot and a has-been in 3..2…
Armie Hammer Pulled A Susan Sarandon
I’m envious of Elizabeth Chambers who, after 10 years of marriage, was able to divorce Armie Hammer while the rest of us, after 10 long years of trying to make Armie Hammer happen, still have to endure Armie Hammer. Armie, AKA The Silver Spoon Socialist, has once again #TakentoTwitter with some political hot takes. Following in the footsteps of Susan Sarandon, Armie tweeted, then deleted, a case for “another American revolution” over voting for Joe Biden. Armie may have taken a bite out of a mushy cum filled peach, but is he ready to have Debra Messing take a bite out of him? Because other than being Megan Mullally, this is the best way to get Messinged with.
Caitlyn Jenner Wants To Be Kanye West’s Vice President
Good news, America! If Kanye West somehow manages to defy the odds and become President in November, he’s not going to be tackling the country’s biggest issues on his own. In fact, he could possibly be tag-teaming the deficit and the sinking economy with the invaluable help of another equally qualified US citizen. That’s right, coming this fall, you just might wake up from the nightmare that has been 2020 to meet a brand new disaster because Caitlyn Jenner wants to be Kanye’s Vice President.