Category: Please Report To The Devil’s Office
Chris Brown’s Housekeeper Claims His Dog Viciously Attacked Her And Then He Euthanized The Pooch To “Destroy Evidence”
Like every year since 2009, 2021 is the year of awful Chris Brown headlines. Just a quick second after we heard that a woman claimed that The Difficult Brown pulled a Difficult Brown by slapping her (which he denied), a former housekeeper of his has come forward with another soul-hurting tale. The woman not only claims in a lawsuit that one of Chris Brown’s dogs violently and viciously attacked her at his home, but she also claims that nobody did anything to help her and that Chris later sent the dog off to heaven as a way to “destroy the evidence.” Calling the euthanization of a dog “destroying evidence” just destroyed a piece of my faith in humanity. I know, my first mistake was having any faith in humanity. What a naive trick, I am.
Jim Bob And Michelle Duggar Respond To TLC’s Cancellation Of “Counting On”
All in all, it’s been a good year for punting longstanding, depressingly popular, reality-family freak shows off the air. Society finally managed to rid itself of the vapid, 20-season, shrieking shrew-fest that was KUWTK, and now we learned earlier this week that TLC has stepped up and shoved a rusty IUD and day-late, dollar-short condom on the busted Duggar birthing machine that was Counting On. The serial-birthing architects of this Quiverfull-driven empire, Jim Bob Duggar and his wife, Michelle Duggar, have now issued statements in response to the show’s cancellation.
Bill Cosby Is Getting Out Of Prison After His Conviction Was Overturned By The Pennsylvania Supreme Court
Even Lucifer and his minions are furiously rubbing their eyes like “HUH?!?” at all the headlines about Bill Cosby getting freed from prison over a legal technicality. And sadly, this isn’t a really late and extremely demonic April Fools’ prank. Just two years after Bill Cosby was found guilty of drugging and raping Andrea Constand in 2004, the Pennsylvania Supreme Court has thrown out his conviction. Andrea was just one of many, many women who said they were sexually assaulted by him throughout the decades. So Bill Cosby is not going to rot inside of a prison cell for the rest of his days. So prepare to feel your veins explode with rage as you watch a miraculously healthy Bill Cosby cartwheel out of prison today.
Farrah Abraham Is One Of Nine Women Accusing A Northern California Mayor Of Sexual Assault
On Friday, Windsor, California Mayor and winemaker Dominic Foppoli (who sounds like an angry Muppet training under the Swedish Chef) resigned from office amid nine accusations of sexual assault. One of these accusations comes from former Teen Mom star, Farrah Abraham, now 29.
Dominic (38 or 39, depending on the source), was the subject of a long San Francisco Chronicle piece about six weeks ago, which detailed four of the accusers’ experiences and is a romp through awfulness not for the faint of heart.
Danny Masterson Will Stand Trial For 3 Counts Of Rape
If your arm muscles are feeling a little extra swole today, then I’m guessing that you printed out that smug-dripping selfie of Danny Masterson and his wife of 9 years Bijou Phillips putting on gross smiles before his rape trial and slapped it on a punching bag before going at it. Because that selfie belongs in the Punchable Hall of Fame. But honestly, I’d much rather see the face that Danny made when he found out that his rape case is going to trial and wondered how Little Lord David Miscavige is going to get him out of this one.
…About Those Trash YouTubers Who Euthanized Their 9-Year-Old Dog After He Bit Their Child For Trying To Take Food From Him
No, that dog in the screenshot above isn’t the dog they sent to Jesus. But that dog is screaming, “HELP!!!,” with every inch of their being.
Myka and James Stauffer, those garbage YouTubers who gave away their adopted son from China, who is autistic, after using him for content and $$$$$, are probably sending a thank you basket to fellow YouTubers, Nikki and Dan Phillippi, for giving them a little competition for the title of Most Disgusting YouTubers of the Decade (although, that category is pretty crowded). Earlier this week, the internet rightfully raised their pitchforks at Nikki and Dan after they posted a YouTube video where they announced that they killed their 9-year-old Bull Terrier, Bowser because he was just too aggressive and was a danger to their household. The thing that did it for them was when Bowser bit their one-year-old son Logan in the face after Logan pulled a stage 10 doggy NO NO by trying to take food out of Bowser’s mouth. And not only did they make a whole video about this, but they also posted a “goodbye” photoshoot they did with Bowser before euthanizing him. Well, we already know that all dogs go to heaven, and now we know that all YouTubers who milk content out of prematurely putting their dog down go to HELL!