Bill Cosby Asked To Be Sent Home So He Doesn’t Catch Coronavirus

March 25, 2020 / Posted by:

Notorious rapist Bill Cosby, who is not sick nor has he been tested for novel coronavirus, is asking the court to send him home to his 9,000 sq ft. Pennsylvania mansion to serve the remainder of his sentence under house arrest under the loving care of his devoted wife Camille Cosby. You see, Bill’s just a feeble old blind man who wouldn’t hurt a (Spanish) fly. According to Page Six, Bill’s legal team are filing a motion to have him released because “at least one prison officer” at the jail where he’s serving three to ten years, has reportedly tested positive for coronavirus. Of course Bill Cosby is trying to use the coronavirus as a get out of jail free card! This was so inevitable, I just typed “Bill Co” and predictive text filled in the rest of the sentence for me.

Page Six notes that this unquestionably self-serving request “comes as the Trump administration considers the release of some federal prisoners in an attempt to reduce the risk of a larger outbreak of coronavirus in the nation’s prison system,” which is a perfectly legitimate concern. However, right now, this would only apply to non-violent offenders. I know Bill likes to think of himself as the second coming of MLK, but non-violent he ain’t.

Cosby spokesman Andrew Wyatt told Page Six, “We believe it is only a matter of time before Mr. Cosby’s prison likely falls victim to the virus, such a confined space is the perfect place for a virus to spread rapidly, it is hazardous to the prison staff and vulnerable inmates

“Bill Cosby is no detriment or danger to the community. He can’t go anywhere, he is elderly, he is blind. He can stay under house arrest with an ankle bracelet, as he did before, with his wife taking care of him. Let him do his time at home.”

“We are not doing this because he is Bill Cosby, our concern is that he is 82, he is blind and has close contact with workers who take him to his medical appointments every day in a wheelchair, they take him for his meals and clean his cell. If they get infected they could pass it on to him.”

I don’t know, sounds like Bill’s got a pretty sweet set up there. Maybe he should stay. Bill’s attorney says “he’s feeling fine other than being blind and his blood pressure spiking at different times,” and added that “he has his vitals checked every morning, currently does not have a fever nor is exhibiting symptoms of coronavirus,” which begs the question, can he add me to his insurance?

It makes sense that Bill would be terrified of catching novel coronavirus because then he couldn’t use fear of catching novel coronavirus as an excuse to go home and miraculously be able to see again. Fake physician, heal thyself!

“We would not want a test to be wasted on him when he has no symptoms. But our concern is that he is really in a difficult situation.”

Oh, please! Bill would get each one of his moles tested individually if he thought it would get him out of jail. Let him sit in his cell alone and have his blood pressure spike at different times, just like the rest of us.


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