Category: Original Fergie
Sarah Ferguson Stands By Ex-Husband Prince Andrew And Says She’d Marry Him Again If She Could Go Back In Time
After his family barred him from attending Sunday’s Garter Belt ceremony (or whatever the fuck it’s called), Prince Andrew was in desperate need of a public ego boost. So the disgraced Duke of York transferred some extra cash into Sarah Ferguson’s checking account and ordered her to sing his praises in a Times Radio interview. She complied. The most persecuted woman in the Royal Family says that her ex-husband is actually a very good man (we’ve heard this one before), and she will continue to “stand firmly” by him. The interviewer asked 62-year-old Original Fergie if she’d marry Andrew again if she could go back in time, and she replied that she would. Sweetie, if you are gonna time-travel back to the 80s, might I suggest advising your past self to take a beginner’s course in basic finance? Continue reading
A New Documentary Unearths Prince Charles’ Correspondence With Notorious Pedophile Jimmy Savile
Even with all the plundered riches of the word at their disposal, The Royal Family can’t seem to buy an inch of good press. Mostly, it seems, because they are so out of touch with the modern world, that the last time they tried to buy some good publicity, they spent their plundered riches on a state visit to the lands from which those very riches had been plundered. THE QUEEN’S big Platinum Jubilee is going to require some extra spit polish and elbow grease if it has any chance of outshining the scandals of the past few years. And the hits just keep coming. According to People, a new documentary about Britain’s most notorious pedophile, long-time BBC presenter and current sack of bones Jimmy Savile, has uncovered years of correspondence between him and Prince Charles. I know you probably thought I was gonna say the other one, but Prince Andrew is obviously too dumb to ask for help. But apparently, Charles frequently asked Jimmy for advice on crisis management and ways to modernize The Firm. He also asked Jimmy if he could talk some sense into one of his most embarrassing family members, Sarah Ferguson. *Spoiler Alert* It didn’t work.
Prince Charles Is Reportedly Telling Prince Andrew To Stay “Out Of The Picture”
Oh, dear! Prince Andrew continues to find himself in a spot of bother regarding that nasty sexual assault lawsuit. And it’s not only legal woes that are giving him trouble. Now his brother Prince Charles is pushing him even further out of the embrace of the Royal Family’s protective arms, going so far as to reportedly tell Andrew to keep “out of the picture.” Whatever is a royal boy to do?!
Prince Andrew Is Trying To Push Through The Sale Of His Swiss Chalet To Cover His Legal Bills Because His Mother Refuses To Help
I know a lot of attention has been on Ghislaine Maxwell lately, what with her sex trafficking conviction and all, but has anybody stopped to think about how hard these past few months have been for Prince Andrew? Ghislaine’s a big girl, she can take care of herself, but Andrew is as vulnerable and helpless as a newborn lamb. And ever since he was sued by Virginia Giuffre for allegedly sexually assaulting her when she was a minor, he’s more bewildered than ever! It’s gotten so bothersome in fact that even his mother THE QUEEN can’t help him now. Or at least, whoever is Weekend At Bernie’s-ing Her Majesty at the moment, refuses to help. According to The Daily Mail, Andrew is currently trying to push through the sale of his and Sarah Ferguson’s Swiss Chalet because Liz refuses to pay his mounting legal fees. His only other option is to become a cat burglar and sneak into Princess Michael of Kunt’s Nazi war chest for looted gold!
Prince Andrew’s Legal Team Was Working Overtime Last Night After The Ghislaine Maxwell Verdict Came In
I have to laugh picturing Prince Andrew running around in an absolutely flop sweat yesterday after hearing that his one-time gal pal and frequent palace guest Ghislaine Maxwell was found guilty on 5 of 6 charges, many containing the word “conspiracy,” at the conclusion of her federal sex trafficking trial. So hold some room in your heart today for Andrew and his ride or die ex-wife Fergie’s housekeeper today who has to deal with the results of two very nervous bowels and a toilet that’s already clogged. Because Andrew probably spent hours at the printer printing all the evidence off the internet and trying to flush it down the toilet. As we know, he’s not very bright. But at least he’s smart enough to know he’s in deep, deep shit. As do his lawyers. But you won’t hear them admit that.
Sarah Ferguson Says She’s The Most Persecuted Woman In The Royal Family
Sarah Ferguson, aka The Original Fergie, aka The Duchess of York, is back once again with another chapter for her ongoing life guide, Sarah Ferguson Might Need A Reality Check. Hot on the heels of “Prince Andrew is a good man” comes “Sarah Ferguson is the most persecuted woman in the Royal Family.” Um, Fergie? Do we mean this current Royal Family, or like, of all time? Because if it’s the second, I’m pretty sure a couple of Henry VIII’s headless wives would like a word.