Have you ever started pouring ketchup on your freshly cooked Kirkland Signature burger and thought, “Gee, wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a sauce that was created and distributed by the United Kingdom’s esteemed royal family?” Then listen up, peasant, because I have good news for you and the dozens of others like you! Queen Elizabeth II has launched her own brand of condiments! You, too, can taste a bit of the royal life with the QUEEN’s ketchup featuring tomatoes, spices, and just a hint of disdain for the lower classes!
A man is under arrest after entering Windsor Castle with a crossbow in an attempt to assassinate Queen Elizabeth II. The scarier part is that THE QUEEN was at Windsor at the time since she canceled the annual Royal Christmas celebrations at Sandringham over Omicron. Luckily, the intruder was caught before getting to THE QUEEN. Although, he may have been taken down by her dogs and her flying pocketbook.
Duchess Kate Is Reportedly Very Upset About Her Strained Relationship With Prince Harry And Meghan Markle
It’s time to pull out the tissues because we’ve got a bona fide sob story that will squeeze out all the emotions from the crusty desiccated husk you call a heart. Duchess Kate of royal family fame is “really, really upset” about the state of her relationship with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. Who knew that unsavory comments from the family would affect family gatherings?!
Unlike her partner in predatory horrificness Jeffrey Epstein, Ghislaine Maxwell has survived jail so far. And the Associated Press reports that today is the day and that a jury will begin hearing evidence and arguments about whether or not Ghislaine was just an idiot pawn of the perverted monster from Hell, or if she fully knew and helped him recruit underage girls to have sex with his friends. The delusional ghoul must be nervous. Probably the only person who’s more nervous than her is fellow Epstein bestie and accused-child-fucker Prince Andrew who must be waiting to see if he gets name-dropped. Two places you never want a name-drop: A diss track and a sex-crimes trial.
Prince Philip Has Undergone A Successful Heart Surgery, And CBS Has No Plans To Postpone Prince Harry And Meghan Markle’s Interview
It’s been a little over two weeks since 99-year-old Prince Philip was shuffled off to the hospital, and at first, the Palace downplayed his hospital visit, saying it was just a “precautionary measure” since he wasn’t feeling very good. Then the Palace announced that Philip would be in the hospital a few more days and that turned into him being transferred to another hospital to be treated for a heart issue.
Well, today Buckingham Palace said in a statement that Philip went through a procedure on his heart, which was successful. He’ll be laid up in the hospital for a bit longer as he recovers. Because Prince Philip is down and out, some “royal experts” believe that CBS should press the pause button on Prince Hot Ginge and Meghan Markle’s big tell-all interview with Oprah. But CBS reportedly has no plans to postpone the interview and will air it on Sunday night as scheduled (it will air in the UK on Monday night on ITV). CBS also released another preview clip where Meghan calls out “The Firm” for “perpetuating” lies about her and Prince Harry. DAMN! Make that popcorn extra large, please, and keep ’em coming!
The Royal Family is likely nervously sweating into their afternoon tea as we get closer to Sunday, aka the day CBS will air Oprah Winfrey’s exclusive “no question off limits” interview with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. The royals are most likely not too psyched about what Harry and Meghan might have to say, considering we already know they both feel like they got the shit end of the scepter when they were still working as senior royals. Several royal sources have been suggesting that their interview should disappear, at least temporarily, out of respect for Prince Philip’s current health problems. But with only four days to go and no word from CBS about pulling the interview, it looks like the interview is going to happen. And well well well, what do you know, we just so happen to have a brand new report out of the UK, claiming that Meghan was a mean bully boss to her former staff at Kensington Palace. Of course, Meghan is denying that, and chalking it all up to a desperate attempt at character assassination.