Two movies starring Michelle Pfeiffer came out in 1992: Love Field and Batman Returns. Michelle got a Best Actress Oscar nomination for Love Field (she lost to Emma Thompson who won for Howard’s End) but was disgustingly robbed by not getting a Best Supporting Actress Oscar nomination for Batman Returns. That Oscar went to Marisa Tomei for My Cousin Vinny and some believed that presenter Jack Palance pulled a pre-La La Land oops by reading the wrong name (he did not). But if Jack Palance didn’t even bother opening up the envelope and instead said, “And the Oscar goes to… Michelle Pfeiffer for Batman Returns,” many of us would’ve stood up and declared that she deserved it even though she wasn’t nominated! Because Michelle Pfeiffer delivered a fucking Catwoman for the ages, and yesterday, an old clip made the rounds on Twitter and proved that once again.
The premiere for Maleficent: Mistress of Evil was held last night in Los Angeles, and it’s not exactly a surprise that Angelina Jolie would be there. You know, since she’s the second-billed star (I’m pretty sure her cheekbones get top billing). And Angelina decided to bring a plus one, plus two, plus three, plus four, and plus five in the form of her kids Pax, Shiloh, Vivienne, Zahara, and Knox. It’s pretty clear that Angelina didn’t circulate a family-wide text beforehand about who would be wearing what, otherwise Zahara wouldn’t have shown up looking like Maleficent’s even more diabolically dramatic replacement that was recruited from an evil finishing school. That scorpion looks like it’s about to hand in its notice and go to work on Zahara’s dress.
Angelina Jolie And Her Prosthetic Cheekbones Are Back In The Teaser Trailer For “Maleficent: Mistress of Evil”
Angelina Jolie’s vindictive demon hell-bent on revenge is back! “Pfft, some might say she never left” scoffed Brad Pitt to himself, I’m sure. Disney released the first official teaser trailer for Maleficent 2 yesterday. As we already knew, it’s actually called Maleficent: Mistress of Evil, which still sounds like a less-interesting, lawsuit-dodging rip-off of Elvira: Mistress of the Dark. Now we get to see Angelina’s Maleficent in action once again. Careful you don’t cut yourself on those cheekbones, they’re just as sharp as you remember.
After about a year of dating, Jennifer Lawrence and her director-turned-assistant producer (that was my extremely lame attempt at a film industry-themed sex joke) Darren Aronofsy made their red carpet debut. Actually, it’s not really a red carpet so much as it’s a grey laminate floor. And it’s really only a relationship debut if you consider the definition of a debut to include posing for a picture in the vicinity of each other at the photocall for the movie you made together. You know what? When you’re dealing with two people who stopped working it for the paps back in November, you take what you can get.
Jennifer and Darren, as well as their mother! co-stars Javier Bardem and Michelle Pfeiffer, attended the photocall for their creepy (and so far well received) movie at the Venice Film Festival today. Jennifer and Darren decided not to stand next to each other, which is smart. I’ve always believed that getting attention is a marathon, not a sprint. Pace your PDA. You’ve got to save something for TIFF, you know?
Although there is a potential issue I can foresee. I know I’m supposed to be caring that Jennifer Lawrence and Darren Aronofsky stood adjacent to each other, but my eyes are being drawn to more exciting visions. One, Michelle Pfeiffer, who is serving up an extra-hot heaping helping of steal-your-man sex-in-sofa upholstery. Two, whatever the hell hair color is happening on Javier Bardem’s head. Someone get Javier a Clairol Nice’n Easy customer service rep on the phone and ask what they would recommend to tone down the brassiness from Autumn Chestnut to Cool Cappuccino.
Here’s more from the photocall, as well as some pics from the premiere today:
A fresh glimpse of a shirtless Chris Hemsworth is probably the best part of this story. Marvel took a huge infodump (how nicely put) at San Diego Comic-Con this weekend. They debuted the new trailer for Thor: Ragnarok (aka Chris Hemsworth Has A Better Haircut And Remains A Thirst Trap), showed the first image of Brie Larson as Captain Marvel, and announced who would be playing the part of the FIRST Wasp in Ant-Man and the Wasp. It’s kind of a big name. I hope she sings “Cool Rider” in the movie to distract me, because I can only take so much of Paul Rudd’s “I’ll always be funnier than you” smirk. (And if you figured out who the actress in question is because of that song title, we are friends til’ the end.) Continue reading
The Real Star Of The Trailer For “Murder On The Orient Express” Is Kenneth Branagh’s Magnificent Silver Stache And Pussy Patch
Poirot purists (Poirists?) are screaming blasphemy today, because the trailer for the new Murder on the Orient Express movie is out and Kenneth Branagh’s ridiculous Poirot look is all wrong. While I love Kenneth Branagh’s grey Wilford Brimley-on-roids mustache and the porn star grandma’s crotch patch on his chin, many don’t. Some Agatha Christie fans don’t want a Poirot not named David Suchet, let alone a Poirot who looks like a shapeshifting human who is about 5% into shapeshifting into a fluffy grey cat. I guess some can’t appreciate a stache that looks like two streams of hairy snot coming out of a nose.