Category: Zahara

Angelina Jolie Attempted “The Electric Slide” In Celebration Of Zahara Jolie-Pitt’s College Choice

August 1, 2022 / Posted by:

It seems like just yesterday that we watched a toddler Zahara Jolie-Pitt often grace the paps with a masterful, cutting side-eye (seen here) while out and about with her Hollywood elite parents–mom, Angelina Jolie, and dad, Brad Pitt, and her child army of siblings (Maddox, Pax, Shiloh, Vivienne, and Knox Jolie-Pitt). But we blinked, time flew by, and now she’s headed off to college this fall. Angelina took to Instagram to share that Zahara will be attending Spelman College, an HBCU. Around the same time, a TikTok of Angelina attempting to participate in the “Electric Slide” at a Morehouse & Spelman alumni event in LA was posted. Her electric sliding went about as well as you’d expect a white lady’s dancing at an HBCU event to go–not well. Now that Zahara’s side-eye is full grown and I’m sure she cut Angie with it while watching that mess, someone should probably assess her pulse since if anyone’s looks could kill–Zahara’s could–and it might have been low to begin with judging from those lethargic body movements.

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Nearly All Of Angelina Jolie’s Kids Joined Her At The “Maleficent 2” Premiere

October 1, 2019 / Posted by:

The premiere for Maleficent: Mistress of Evil was held last night in Los Angeles, and it’s not exactly a surprise that Angelina Jolie would be there. You know, since she’s the second-billed star (I’m pretty sure her cheekbones get top billing). And Angelina decided to bring a plus one, plus two, plus three, plus four, and plus five in the form of her kids Pax, Shiloh, Vivienne, Zahara, and Knox. It’s pretty clear that Angelina didn’t circulate a family-wide text beforehand about who would be wearing what, otherwise Zahara wouldn’t have shown up looking like Maleficent’s even more diabolically dramatic replacement that was recruited from an evil finishing school. That scorpion looks like it’s about to hand in its notice and go to work on Zahara’s dress.

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Angelina Jolie Doesn’t Want Her Kids To Be “Perfectly Behaved Little People”

December 31, 2018 / Posted by:

Now that her divorce with Brad Pitt has moved past the custody phase (I think? Like I don’t want to jinx her), Angelina Jolie is starting the follow-up struggle: recovering her tattered public persona. It’s hard to come out of a malicious divorce without looking like an evil bitch, and considering how many “sources” were popping up to spill some tea, Angie definitely didn’t. But here she is talking about her kids, so how can she be a bitch?

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Angelina Jolie And Most Of The Chosen Ones Made A Red Carpet Appearance Yesterday

January 17, 2016 / Posted by:

Okay, so I’ve had my assistants, St. Francis of Assisi and Jesus, mark the spot where my friend God will be parting the clouds and sending down a soft beam of heavenly light to illuminate my halo. So if you can let all the photographers know that they should shoot me from over there, that would be great.”

In case you’re wondering why there was recently a dramatic increase in reported miracles and little old ladies claiming to have seen the image of a pair of severe cheekbones in their toast, it was because Angelina Jolie and her flock of SITs (saints-in-training) walked among us regulars yesterday. St. Angie brought 5 of her wingless angels (Maddox stayed home with Daddy Brad) to the Los Angeles premiere for Kung Fu Panda 3. They didn’t stroll down the red carpet with Angie – us mere humans can only handle so much blessing. But they did leave the theater together, which I’m sure is Heaven’s equivalent to seeing pictures of the Royal Family on the Buckingham Palace balcony.

The appearance of St. Angie at the Kung Fu Panda 3 premiere isn’t that surprising (bitch has a movie to pimp); I am, however, surprised her kids found the time. According to the Daily Mail, Shilo and Zahara have been busy sponsoring a Cambodian family. Apparently they were approached by a 16-year-old girl while they were getting ice cream in Siem Reap with Daddy Brad, and were so moved by her story that they took her and her 12 brothers and sisters shopping for new clothes and bikes. That’s technically enough to earn them 8 gold stars and honorary sainthood. But I guess they had an open spot on their philanthropy schedules and wanted to put in a little extra charity work, so they swung by the premier with their mom.

Here’s more of Our Lady of Perpetual Cheekbones and five kids whose faces are probably already on prayer cards, as well as a bunch of non-holy types and their kids, like Jack Black and Kate Hudson.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Early 80s Escort Ad Glamour Brought To You By Brad Pitt

October 28, 2015 / Posted by:

Here’s Brad Pitt looking like a seasoned gay hustler circa 1980 who advertises as a “Robert Redford lookalike” in the back pages of the Village Voice. What I’m saying is that Brad Pitt hasn’t looked this glamorous in a long time.

The Brangeloonie holiday season known as Brangemas has officially begun, because St. Angie Jolie and Brad Pitt’s new movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith Get Artsy comes out next month and so they’ve begun whoring it out. St. Angie already did the cover of Vogue and now it’s Brad Pitt’s turn to deliver some “freshmen at Barbizon” moves in a magazine. V Magazine released a few pictures and a few not-so-juicy quotes from the interview:

On making an ULTRA DRAMATIC 70s perfume commercial about the death of a marriage right after getting married: “It was probably not the wisest way to spend a honeymoon. But then again, fighting to make something together… What better metaphor for marriage? It’s not a film that responds to the current zeitgeist or storytelling-rather, a quiet, mature look at the challenges of love and adult loss.”

On why they decided to do By The Sea together: “The plan was to make something together, with complete autonomy, in the footsteps of Gena [Rowlands] and John [Cassavetes] – and keep it a family affair. We, by our own admission, were overdue. If I’m going to work, I want to work with my wife.

On how he’s got his PhD in boozing: “I play a good drunk because I’ve been a good drunk.”

On taking direction from St. Angie: “It’s surprising how much I enjoy the direction of my wife. She’s decisive, incredibly intuitive, knife-sharp, and might I say, sexy at her post. I trust her with my life.”

I threw an “uh huh” at Brad Pitt saying he loves it when St. Angie orders him round and tells him what to do. V should ask him the same question when he acts up and St. Angie makes him go into the time out corner where he throws a silent tantrum and punches the air because he knows she’s going to put him on weed restriction for a week. I bet he doesn’t like her bossing him around then!

Here’s more of Brad Pitt doing his best Robert Redford in V as well as pictures of St. Angie and the child army at LAX yesterday.

Pics: Inez & Vinoodh/V Magazine, Splash

St. Angie Jolie And Her Entire Holy Family Are In “Vogue”

October 16, 2015 / Posted by:

Since I know all of you go to church every single Sunday morning, don’t be too surprised when you find that all the Bibles in the pews have been replaced with November’s issue of Vogue. Who needs those stupid Psalms or whatever when you’ve got pictures of the entire chosen family to cleanse your dirty soul and wash away all your sins. Annie Leibovitz took all the pictures of Dame St. Angie Jolie and her child army frolicking along the beach in costumes. We should just go ahead and say goodbye to the Pacific Ocean right now. Because the hardcore Brangeloonies are going to make a pilgrimage to the California beach where these pictures were taken and are going to guzzle that water down since it was blessed by the feet of these earth deities.

St. Angie’s in November’s issue of Vogue, because she’s pushing that long-form 70s perfume commercial called By The Sea. I skimmed through the interview and she talks about the movie a little bit, but she mostly talks about saving the world and she also gets into talking about how she got her ovaries removed a few months ago.

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