You would think that it would take professional over-sharers Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard approximately three seconds into lockdown to pop up and fart out all their marriage problems to the world. It took much longer than that, and it’s probably because they’ve been “at each other’s throats” while self-isolating together. Wait for that country singer to pipe in about how she caught her man Zoom fucking with another woman.
During an Instagram Live interview with Katie Couric, Kristen and Dax said that things have not been great in their household, at least not between the two of them. Katie asked, “Are you all getting along well?”, and there was a long pause. You’d think she asked them to explain the plot of Cats. They eventually answered her (via Buzzfeed):
“We’re getting along with the kids, and we’re getting along with the adults we’re friends with… This has been stressful for mama and dada,” he said.
“We’ve been at each other’s throats… real bad. Real bad,” Kristen admitted.
“It just ended like eight minutes ago. Perfect timing,” Dax said.
“This is as physically close as we’ve been in a couple days, ’cause we’ve just found each other revolting,” Kristen added.
“Now you know how we felt” said everyone who watched the CHiPs movie. Dax responded with this bit of bitchery:
“America’s sweetheart has character defects.”
Dax then left the chat and Katie had some advice for Kristen:
“You two–maybe you need a little time apart in the same house. Like, you have your little space and he has his little space.”
“It’s impossible,” Kristen replied. “He’s too big, Katie. He’s too loud and too big. He’s everywhere.”
Welp… I was just reading about how the divorce numbers in China have spiked due to coronavirus quarantine. Apparently spending too much time with the person you love the most is fucking terrible. Who’d have thought? Kristen and Dax’s marriage seems to be a mess, and being stuck together obviously isn’t helping, but I doubt they’ll end up in divorce court at the end of this. I mean, Dysfunctional Married Couple™ is their brand and not even a deadly virus can mess with that!
Here’s Kristen and Dax speaking with Katie about their marriage, which seems about as solid as the internet connection during this interview: