Joaquin Phoenix And Rooney Mara’s Baby Is Here

September 28, 2020 / Posted by:

Because Joaquin Phoenix and Rooney Mara seem to be a mix of eco-vegan and weird, it would have made sense for them to announce they were having a baby with some kind of sustainable kombucha SCOBY-blooming ceremony that represents the creation of their fetus. They did not. Instead, they kept it relatively normal by simply existing while people whispered about seeing Rooney in baggy clothing, and generally letting everyone come to their own conclusion about what that meant. Once again, Joaquin and Rooney have let someone else do the talking about their baby, which has allegedly already been born. And they kept it normal and meaningful with the name, by paying tribute to Joaquin’s late brother, River Phoenix.

Us Weekly reports that 45-year-old Joaquin and 35-year-old Rooney’s baby news was revealed by┬áRussian filmmaker Victor Kossakovsky at the 2020 Zurich Film Festival yesterday. Having your birth announcement delivered by an older Russian documentary auteur at a small artsy European film festival is a little on-brand for them. Victor spoke about the Mara-Phoenix baby during a Q&A session for a screening of his film Gunda, which was executive produced by Joaquin. Victor explained that Joaquin wasn’t available for the screening because his baby was just born. And anyone who had money riding on Joaquin and Rooney’s baby name being next-level out-there has regrets today. Because they didn’t go with an adjective, or a metaphor for a name, or simply naming their child CMYK: 65 66 68 82.

The director explained why the Oscar winner was not present, saying, “He just got a baby, by the way, his name was…a beautiful son called River, so he cannot promote it now.”

Joaquin’s older brother, River Phoenix, died at 23 of a drug overdose on Halloween 1993. Joaquin, who was 19 at the time, was present at his brother’s death and was the one who placed the 911 call, which is always very fucking sad every time you think about it. Joaquin mentioned his late brother in his 2020 Oscar acceptance speech, but generally, he doesn’t say too much about River. But obviously it meant a lot to him to honor the memory of his big brother through his new son.

This is both Joaquin and Rooney’s first kid, which happened a little over a year since they announced they were engaged. It’s also not known when River the Filthy Dragon Baby was hatched, and the details are a little murky. When the news first broke about Rooney being pregnant back in May, it was estimated that she was possibly about 6 months along. So this baby could be brand new, or maybe a month old. It doesn’t really matter though. Time is a flat circle when you’re a baby whose only thoughts are “sleep,” “milk,” “poop,” and “you really never had pie until you were 31???


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