You Kan Always Kount On Kim Kardashian To Bring Plenty Of Klass And Sophistikation To An Event

Looks like we can add another ensemble to Tim Gunn’s “Don’t Wear This” list of vulgar fashion atrocities.

The fifth annual LACMA Art+Film gala was held last night, and Kim Kardashian was there, which makes total sense, because Kim got her start in film. No, it’s because she’s a high klass lady who goes to high klass film galas. Also because Kris Jenner would go absolutely apeshit if she found out her top money maker passed up an opportunity to get dressed up in her “LOOK AT ME” finest and serve up some half-asleep FACE for the cameras.

We all know that Kim Kardashian has a severe allergy to good taste, so it’s really no surprise that she would show up to the LACMA gala in a cheap-looking Leg Avenue body stocking with her tits out. I mean, she had to do something to get some attention; she went a whole 24 hours without all eyes on her, thanks to her mother selfishly stealing the spotlight with her million-dollar  Great Mediocre Gatsby birthday party yesterday. So really, it’s more of a shock that she didn’t double-down and try to make up for lost attention by showing up totally nude while her intern (Kylie Jenner) followed closely behind, spritzing her plastic parts with Crisco.

Here’s more of Kim looking like a Living Dead Doll of a knocked-up zombie stripper at the LACMA Art+Film gala last night, as well all the other famous types who were there, like Reese Witherspoon, Goopy Paltrow, and Jared Leto, who is still working the malnourished methhead Joker look, I see.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Everybody Went To The Tom Ford Show Last Night

I don’t know what the hell is on the floor in that picture, but it’s giving me a major craving for string cheese (“What else is new?” just hissed my stomach).

Gwyneth Paltrow Instagrammed this picture of Jennifer Lopez, Patrick Schwarzenegger, Miley Cyrus, Scarlett Johansson,  and Amy Adams sitting in the front row of Tom Ford’s FW15 womenswear show in Los Angeles last night, and it was literally only 1/856th of the famous types that were there. Everybody was there. And when I say everybody, I mean everybody. Beyonce? YES. Angelica Huston? YES. Gina Gershon? HELL YES. My great aunt Gladys? PROBABLY. I haven’t asked her yet, but I’m assuming she was there, since everybody was there. It was like the Oscars and the Grammys and the Emmys and the CableACE Awards got together in the backseat of a 1994 Ford Tempo and made a random fluids baby.

I don’t know what Tom Ford did to get that many famous types at his fashion show, but it must have involved promising to wash their cars for a year or “take care” of their enemies and make it look like an accident or something, because people that I haven’t seen in forever showed up. Faith Hill was there. When is the last time you saw Faith Hill at something? Robbie Williams. ROBBIE WILLIAMS! I’m sure if the dog from Fraiser hadn’t died 9 years ago, he would have been there too.

And I know Kanye West thinks he’s a legitimate fashion designer now, but he needs to realize that you haven’t made it until Cristal Connors from Showgirls shows up to your show. Until then, you’re still a nobody (sorry Kanye). Here’s a bunch of famous people from Tom Ford’s show last night, including the living life legend herself Gina Gershon, Goopy, Reese Witherspoon, Sofia Vergara and Joe Manganiello, and John Legend wearing a Canadian Tuxedo for some reason:

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Jason Statham Is A Spitter

Not since Pumkin gave New York a saliva facial on Flavor of Love have I seen a spray of spit hit a face like this.

The size small bag of British muscles known as Jason Statham was out apartment shopping in NYC with his girlfriend Rosie Huntington-Whateverly yesterday when he greeted an aggressive ass paparazzo with a warm load of foamy mouth spooge. There are some hos who would gnaw their leg off with a pair of old dentures to get it in the face from Jason Statham and he’s out there giving it away for free.

So if an item on your cum bucket list is to get sprayed in the face with Jason Statham’s bodily fluids, then just come at him with a camera. Make sure you shut your eyes and tell him to watch the hair. Also, have a medic standing by, because I’m pretty sure his saliva has biceps on it too.