Matt Damon Talked About The Time Kennedy Center Honoree, George Clooney, Shit In Richard Kind’s Cat’s Litter Box
The 45th Annual Kennedy Center Honors already happened earlier this month, and those who’ve given us a lifetime of contributions in the entertainment arena, like U2 and George Clooney, were some of this year’s honorees. And if by “lifetime contributions” they meant “your iTunes is still fucked all the way up and always will be for the rest of your lifetime by the unsolicited disbursal of U2’s Songs of Innocence album,” then yeah, I guess U2 qualifies. But not to be outdone by U2’s tomfoolery, honoree, and one of the “world’s most handsome men,” George Clooney also did some shady shit in his storied time in the biz–literally. While giving a speech about his good friend, George, Matt Damon’s KCH speech touched on the time that George took a big girthy dump in fellow actor Richard Kind’s kitty litter box back in the day when they were roommates. Stars–they’re just like us!
George Clooney Was Doubly Honored At The Kennedy Center Honors When Julia Roberts Came Wearing His Face
Last night some of the biggest stars in Hollywood gathered in New York City to rub elbows with the Washington elite at the 45th annual Kennedy Center Honors. Due to the pandemic and former president Donald Trump’s boycott of the awards, this is the first big gala in five years and the stars came dressed to impress. This year’s honorees included Gladys Knight and all four of the Irish Pips, sometimes referred to as U2, Christian pop singer Amy Grant, Cuban American composer-conductor Tania León (not to be confused with Lydia Tár, totally different lady), and Nespresso dude George Clooney. There were a couple of surprises at the ceremony. For one, Sacha Baron Cohen showed up in character as Borat even though I thought we had decided as a group after 2020’s presidential election that satire was dead. Also, there was Emma Roberts’ aunt, actress Julia Roberts, who is, apparently, strangely obsessed with George Clooney.
Normal, poor people’s babies wake up in the middle of the night screaming because they’ve shit their pants or they’re just assholes. But babies with very wealthy, good-looking parents who’ve dedicated their lives to philanthropy and social justice must wake up in the middle of the night in an apoplectic fit over the state of the world in #thesetryingtimes. By the time those poor, shitty diaper babies reach the age of reason, they’re really only interested in one thing, and that’s themselves. Ask any random five-year-old on the street about the war in Ukraine, and you’re likely to get a response that might range from a blank stare to a well-deserved kick to the shins because you know damn well you have no business walking up to random five-year-olds on the street! Seriously, what is wrong with you? But, if you ask George and Amal Clooney’s five-year-old son Alexander about the current geo-political crisis that’s unfolding in Europe, he’s gonna tell it to you straight— Vladimir Putin belongs in jail!
It’s time for People to close up shop and Blake Shelton and the other sexiest men to hand over their awards because George Clooney is officially the most handsome and sexiest man alive ever. Well, according to George Clooney and Brad Pitt, that is. After hearing that George’s best bro Brad Pitt said that George he’s totally the most handsome dude out there, George is sharing the good word with any TV talk show host who will listen.
Caitlyn Jenner Is Boycotting The Beverly Hills Hotel After They Wouldn’t Let Her In Over A Dress Code Violation
Caitlyn Jenner may have lost her bid to become governor of California, but that doesn’t mean she’s given up all the high-minded principles that prompted her to run in the first place. When fellow LGBTQ ally George Clooney boycotted the Beverly Hills Hotel back in 2019 on account of its parent company, the Dorchester Collection, being owned by the Sultan of Brunei and that small nation’s penchant for stoning homosexuals to death, Caitlyn stayed silent. But no more! On Monday, according to TMZ, Caitlyn took a brave stand against tyranny and hatred and vowed to never step foot in the Beverly Hills Hotel again.
George Clooney did an interview with the Guardian to promote his new movie, The Tender Bar, starring Ben Affleck. George discussed fame, raising his 4-year-old twins during the pandemic, politics, his childhood, blah blah blah the usual bullshit. The real takeaway is George sharing that he turned down $35 million to appear in an airline commercial. For just one day’s work! So why’d he turn it down? He already sold his soul for those annoying Nespresso ads. Well, apparently the airline was associated with a country that is “questionable at times” and after a very serious discussion with his wife Amal Clooney, he decided it wasn’t worth it. Oh right, principles. I’m too broke to have those.