Earlier today we learned that five crew members up and quit working on Mission: Impossible VII, due to Tom Cruise repeatedly flipping his shit over the crew not following COVID-19 on-set safety protocols while filming in the UK. Thanks to some leaked audio, we know that breaking the six-feet-apart rule makes Tom erupt with more alpha rage than Les Grossman and Frank T.J. Mackey combined. But even though some people aren’t in Tom’s corner, we know that George Clooney is.
People Magazine Has Released Their 2020 People Of The Year Issues, Starring Regina King And Dr. Fauci
We’re narrowing in on the end of the longest year on record (at least it’s felt like 84 years). And with that comes a million end-of-year lists. We already know that whatever pap-strolling blisters Ana de Armas got over the past nine months paid off in the form of the number one spot on IMDb’s Top Stars list. Spotify Wrapped has generously compiled listeners top 5 most played songs and albums, thus subsequently exposing everyone’s most terrible taste in music. And People magazine has published their 2020 People of the Year issue, about a month after they published their annual People’s Sexiest Man of the Year issue. That’s good timing. A month seems like enough time to recover from thirsting hard over Michael B. Jordan’s arms on the cover.
Other than allegedly receiving the odd blow-jibber from an accused pedophile and possibly profiting from child labor, George Clooney’s reputation as “one of the good ones” has remained largely intact. Everyone knows him as a roguish prankster and a “guy’s guy” who’s always there for a friend in need. Back in 2017 George’s BFF and Casamigos partner Rande Gerber helped to perpetuate the Clooney mythology by telling a story about the time George gave 14 of his best friends, collectively known as “The Boys,” briefcases filled with $1 million in cash. According to a new GQ interview, George had never confirmed or denied that story— until now. Turns out it’s true. Honestly, I’d rather hear him dish about the Ghislaine jibber, but I guess that wouldn’t really be on-brand.
George And Amal Clooney Reportedly Claimed They Didn’t Know The Bride And Groom At Prince Harry And Meghan Markle’s Wedding
Usually the guest list of a royal wedding is awash with names like Baron Thumbley Dunsmirk, Lady Queefington, and His Royal Highness Paltry Beefshank of Donkey-Upon-Shrek. A real who’s who of British Hat-Wearing Aristocracy. But when Prince Harry got married to Meghan Markle, their wedding was full of A-list stars and celebrities. Suddenly Prince Charles and Duchess Camilla was rubbing elbows with George Clooney, Serena Williams, and America’s Queen, Oprah. Naturally, it was assumed all those American stars were Meghan’s friends, which had to make you wonder what kind of doors seven seasons on the USA Network could open for a person. As it turns out, maybe some of those huge stars weren’t exactly close friends of the bride after all. Like in the case of George and Amal Clooney, who reportedly told wedding guests they didn’t even know Harry and Meghan.
Everybody’s least favorite parasitic social climber Ghislaine Maxwell has been having a doozy of a time in jail while awaiting trial for her big role in Jeffrey Epstein’s sex trafficking ring. But fortunately, she is an expert bullshitter and, despite a crushing amount of sordid stories about how big of a sketch-bag she was/is, these recent headlines have proven to be not to TOO much to swallow. That’s because Ghislaine, (according to Ghislaine) is a champion blow-jobber. And George Clooney might just be the one to confirm it. Cut to George dramatically closing the shades on his yacht.
George Clooney is sad to hear that your morning cup of Nespresso is probably being served with a heaping teaspoon of child labor. George has been Nespresso’s brand ambassador since 2006, and it seems they’re the only ones who get him to shave and leave the castle to work these days. According to CNN, George, who reportedly uses his Nespresso money to spy on dictators, sent out a statement in response to an investigation which exposes child labor practices on several Guatemalan farms where some Nespresso coffee beans are sourced. Channel 4 will air an episode of the documentary series Dispatches titled “Starbucks & Nespresso: The Truth About Your Coffee,” on Monday. George says he was “surprised and saddened” to hear that some of Nespresso’s espressos might be tainted with the aroma of exploitation.