As Expected, Blake Shelton Is People’s Sexiest Man Alive 2017

November 15, 2017 / Posted by:

Well yeeeeeee-huh, I guess so? People has named human Skoal can Blake Shelton their Sexiest Man Alive for this year. Blake shares this award with his publicist, who one could argue is just as sexy, or even more so. Some say is it’s a turn-on to have the kind of commitment and dedicated work ethic that leads to winning a bogus beauty contest for someone like Blake Shelton.

As for that cover, I’m a little disappointed. That’s the sexiest they could do? I know it’s not the kind of magazine sold in a brown paper bag on the top shelf of a convenience store, but come on, show a little sex. I’m not asking for a shirtless Blake in a pair of cut-off shorts on the hood of a soapy truck with a piece of hay clenched between his teeth. But I would like a little more heat than what they gave. Blake looks like a photographer for People caught him checking the back of his neck for ticks after an ATV ride in the field.

At least Blake is somewhat self-aware about his title as Sexiest Man Alive.

“That y’all must be running out of people. Like, Wow, we’re down to somebody who is somewhat symmetrical.”

Thankfully his girlfriend of two years, Gwen Stefani, was able to convince him to accept the award.

“She goes, ‘Listen to me, you’re going to regret this for the rest of your life if you don’t take this gift and just live in the moment.'”

Gwen is such a supportive girlfriend. She even played along when Access Hollywood “informed” her that Blake was rumored to get the award.

Blake seems to be enjoying the attention he’s received so far for his sexy man honor. Specifically how he’ll be able to lord it over the head of 2013 People’s Sexiest Man Alive and his co-judge on The Voice, Adam Levine.

“I can’t wait to shove this up Adam’s ass. As proud as I am and honored that you guys asked me, that’s really the only thing I care about.”

Damn, Blake Shelton really wants to rub Adam Levine’s face in it. Poor Carson Daly. He’s going to have to put up with Blake and Adam’s sexy magazine cover dick-measuring contest on the set of The Voice for at least a week. Maybe he can try to join them by bringing in one of his old cover issues of Teen People. “You know, you’re not the only ones who People thought was a major stud. Guys? Guys? Where you going?

Pic: People

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