Normal, poor people’s babies wake up in the middle of the night screaming because they’ve shit their pants or they’re just assholes. But babies with very wealthy, good-looking parents who’ve dedicated their lives to philanthropy and social justice must wake up in the middle of the night in an apoplectic fit over the state of the world in #thesetryingtimes. By the time those poor, shitty diaper babies reach the age of reason, they’re really only interested in one thing, and that’s themselves. Ask any random five-year-old on the street about the war in Ukraine, and you’re likely to get a response that might range from a blank stare to a well-deserved kick to the shins because you know damn well you have no business walking up to random five-year-olds on the street! Seriously, what is wrong with you? But, if you ask George and Amal Clooney’s five-year-old son Alexander about the current geo-political crisis that’s unfolding in Europe, he’s gonna tell it to you straight— Vladimir Putin belongs in jail!
Today in “What the Kids Are Talking About,” JoJo Siwa may have split with her girlfriend, Kylie Prew. Oh NoNo, say it ain’t SoSo! Nothing’s been confirmed, but JoJo made a series of comments in interviews and on social media that have fans thinking she’s going through a break up. JoJo officially came out as gay at the beginning of this year (a few months later she clarified that she’s “technically pansexual”), and she introduced Kylie to her fans soon after.
JoJo and Kylie began dating in January but were friends for a year before that. Kylie has referred to JoJo as her “best friend/soulmate/forever person,” but, unfortunately, both of these girls are 18 years old. And calling someone your “soulmate” at 18 is like my weekly declaration that I’ll stop eating cheese at night. You believe it at the moment, but, ultimately, you’re doomed.
Caillou is a children’s show originally from Canada, which debuted in 1997. No new episodes were made after 2010, but it was syndicated, so it spread everywhere including PBS. Well RIP Caillou, the bald brat bastard is finally going to his grave for good as PBSKids said they will end reruns of the kids’ show. And parents have been dancing on his grave!
File this under: Shit you can talk to your 10-year-old cousin about while the other adults are fighting about politics on Christmas Day.
Our faith in true love was restored a few days ago when completely organic pictures of 19-year-old Bella Thorne (star of Boo! A Madea Halloween) and 24-year-old Charlie Puth (the toddler-faced crooner who is responsible for that One Call Away song) came out. The certified natural pictures were of Bella and Charlie looking like a couple on the beach as she gifted the eyes of beachgoers with her three-cent Pretty Woman cosplay glamour. But sadly, their days of doing staged photo-ops are behind them, because they’re over. I know, I can’t believe I’m writing about them again either. But it was either them or that other fake couple (Blob & Chinet).
When the kids aren’t screaming over the drama between that one who left Fifth Harmony and the other Harmonies (translation for the oldies: it’s like Ginger leaving the Spice Girls, I think), they’re brain-burping up giant question marks over LiLo-in-training (copyright: Pop Culture Died in 2009) and my favorite ginger teen mess Bella Thorne doing a couple-y photo-op with Charlie Puth on a beach in Miami. If you’re an old who’s brain-burping up a giant question mark over the name “Charlie Puth,” he’s the Nickelodeon-ized Andy Samberg/Sam Smith hybrid who is responsible for causing Marvin Gaye’s body to roll into a pile of skeleton dust.