Emma Roberts And Evan Peters Broke Up

After three years together and nearly a year-and-a-half of being engaged, Emma Roberts and Evan Peters (aka Madison Montgomery/Maggie Esmerelda and Lobster Boy from American Horror Story) are calling it quits on their messy relationship. A source tells JustJared that the breakup was “amicable,” they’re “still friends,” they “have so many great memories together” and that there was “no drama whatsoever.” Damn, that source is really going hard. Does anyone know the legal limit for protesting? Because that source clearly doth protest too much.

Well, that’s it. It’s over. Looks like we’ll never get to hear a wedding-day story about a champagne-drunk Emma Roberts screaming out “I fucking DO NOT!” as she whips an entire three-tiered wedding cake at Evan Peters, all while their friends and family mouth the words “No more booze for them” to the bartender. God, it could have been so beautiful.

Even if their relationship wasn’t filled to the brim with dramatics, they most likely would have called it quits eventually. Emma is 24 and Evan is 28, and 24 and 28 is way too young to settle down in Hollywood years. You can’t tame the crotches of two wild Hollywood 20-somethings; you’ve got to let them roam free. Speaking of, here’s Emma leaving a bar in Hollywood last night without her engagement ring on.

Pics: Splash

Not This Again: Jennifer Lawrence Tripped At The X-Men Premiere

After falling on the stairs at the 2013 Academy Awards and bailing on the red carpet at the 2014 Academy Awards, I just assumed Jennifer Lawrence was planning on saving her next “Whoopsies, how endearing of me!” choreographed stunt fall for the 2015 Academy Awards. Instead, The Daily Mail says she fast-tracked things a bit by tripping up the stairs at the New York premiere of X-Men: Days of Future Past on Sunday night. Although, this one might not technically count, because they say it wasn’t a full-on shit-eating fall; it was more like a fall that never materialized because too many people threw out their arms to prevent America’s Sexiest Keeper of the Real from taking a tumble. It was the pre-cum of falling, really.

I know I throw a lot of shade at Jennifer Lawrence for being one of the hardest working tricks in the try-hard game, but I honestly believe this stumble up the stairs wasn’t planned. That velveteen dress she’s wearing is giving me serious flashbacks to the year 2000, and in case you forgot about the year everyone was stuffing themselves into cheap velveteen, that shit wasn’t a very forgiving fabric. It stretched when it wanted to and if your skirt/dress was long enough, it always found a way to wrap itself around the heel of your platform Mary Janes and throw your ass at the worst of times. It’s not JLaw’s fault she almost fell again; it was that vengeful bitch velveteen’s fault!

Here’s more of Jennifer Lawrence at the X-Men: Back to the Future Past premiere on Sunday night, along with Hugh Jackman, who also threw back to the year 2000 by wearing a band-aid on his face as an homage to Nelly (not really; it’s because he had some skin cancer removed), JLaw’s About A Hottie boyfriend Nicholas Hoult, Ellen Page looking like a young Jesus going to his bar mitzvah, and Fan Bingbing, who not only brings the glamour EVERY TIME, but also has the hottest name:

Pics: Splash

Lindsay Lohan Made A List Of All Of The Famous Dudes She’s Done

Lindsay Lohan’s snatch has probably seen more peen than the Scientology glory hole on John Travolta’s birthday (yes, potent jealousy oozed out of my finger pores when I typed that), so when I read that she made a fuck list of the 36 famous dicks that have visited her freckled crotch carniceria at least once, I thought to myself, “Only 36?!” LiLo needs to step up her star fucker game, because I would’ve guessed that her celebrity fuck list would be longer than a Jonathan Franzen novel or had just three words on it: ALL OF THEM.

InTouch Weekly claims that on a night in January 2013, LiLo and her friends were getting drunk at a bar in the Beverly Hills Hotel and she made a list of every piece of famous (or semi-not-really famous) ass she’s had. The source shat this out:

“They were giggling and talking shit about people in the industry. It was her personal conquest list. She was trying to impress her friends with the list and then tossed it aside. The list has some pretty big names on it, and they’re not all single guys. This getting out now could rock several Hollywood relationships to the core.”

And LiLo just so happened to have a Scattergories (more like Scatterwhories, no, I don’t know what that means) score sheet on her to write the list on.

On the list is PC Valmorbida, Joaquin Phoenix, Nico Tortorella, Evan Peters, Wilmer Valderrama, Jamie Burke, Jamie Dornan, Zac Efron (coke really does make you do some fucked up shit), Justin Timberlake, Colin Farrell, Heath Ledger, Ryan Rottman, Max George, Guy Berryman, James Franco and Adam Levine.

InTouch didn’t burp out all of the names, because they’re milking this. In their next issue, they will reveal more names including the name of a really rich and newly engaged TV star (Charlie Sheen, duh), a newly single A-lister and an Oscar-winning actress’ ex-husband.

If that list is real and it isn’t a figment of LiLo’s coked-up imagination, her pussy should clap for itself, because there’s some hot pieces on that list. And speaking of the clap, the Beverly Hills free clinic would like to see every dude on this list, except for Adam Levine and Colin Farrell since those two sluts are already VIP patients.

Emma Roberts And Evan Peters Got Engaged

It’s always a good idea when a couple who have scratched and beaten at each other in a Montreal hotel room get engaged to be married! Extra reported earlier today that Eric Roberts’ crazy ass daughter Emma Roberts is engaged to her boyfriend of a year Evan Peters. Evan gave her a pink diamond and gold engagement ring over the holidays in NYC. Emma’s eyes sparkled something extra when she got it, because now that she’s wearing a huge ring on her hand, her punches will do more damage.

Extra says that Emma and Evan spent New Year’s in London together and when they got back to New Orleans to continue shooting American Horror Story: Coven, she had the ring on her hitchin’ finger. People confirms this shit.

Emma always looks like she just snorted Benzos and fucked a homeless junkie runaway in a gas station bathroom and didn’t even take a whore bath in the sink afterward, and Evan Peters looks like that homeless junkie runaway she fucked in a gas station bathroom, so they totally belong together for now. Besides, they’re both young, so they should go ahead and get their first marriage out of the way. There’s so many future ex-wives and ex-husbands waiting for them!

Emma Roberts Got Arrested For Beating Evan Peters

Well, I guess Emma Roberts inherited some of the crazy from her father. Eric Roberts’ daughter and Evan Peters are both in Montreal shooting the third season of American Horror Story and when they’re not shooting scenes, they’re behaving like a healthy, stable and loving couple. And I mean the opposite of all that.

TMZ says that on July 7th, somebody called the police to report a loud ass fight happening in Emma and Evans’ hotel room. The cops showed up and found Evan with a bloody nose and a bite mark. Emma was put into hand cuffs and spent a few hours in jail before she was released into the wild. Emma won’t have to face a judge, because Evan refused to press charges.

A source tells TMZ that Evan and Emma allegedly both got crazy and hit on each other that night, but she’s the one who spent some time in a cell, because he had marks on his body and she didn’t. The source also denied that Emma put her teeth into Evan’s skin. They’re back together and back to work.

If the blind items are right, then I guess Emma Roberts turns from a piece of wilting, bland boiled cauliflower into a white girl version of Chris Brown when she gets a little of the bad shit in her. Coke makes her fists fly. But really, what is going on in Canada? Cory Monteith overdoses on heroin in Vancouver and Emma Roberts and Evan Peters beat on each other in Montreal. What’s next? Taylor Swift gets arrested for moose jacking in Algonquin? I meant, she’s going to steal a moose. I didn’t mean the other thing, but that works too.