Halsey and Evan Peters have been dating for a month or two, and I’ll be honest – I forgot they were dating. For those out there who have a memory like mine, Halsey and Evan Peters pulled the kind of stunt that successfully reminded everyone they’re a couple. Halsey and Evan were photographed with their hands on her belly area, which is the universal publicity stunt language for “We’re pregnant!“. The only thing is, Halsey is now denying that anything is going on there.
Well, anything’s gotta be better than a fiancée who pummels you and chomps down on your face like it was a slice from Pizzeria Regina’s. Imagined Black Mirror episode inspiration Halsey and American Horror Story chameleon and engagement to Emma Roberts survivor Evan Peters are random…I mean, dating.
Emma Roberts and Evan Peters, 32, had a terrible relationship. I mean, she was arrested for beating him up and they’ve broken up and gotten back together so many times you’d think their names were Victor and Nikki Newman. Well, looks like you can officially put a nail in the coffin of their shitty love story because sources are saying they are over over, and in fact they are so over that she’s already moved on to Garrett Hedlund.
If you happen to see Emma Thompson, Emma Bunton, Emma Stone or any other famous Emma strolling into Lena Dunham’s hair salon (aka Superfuglycuts), immediately scream at their asses to think of their hair and to not do it. Because it seems like all of the famous Emmas are getting their bangs butchered as they though they were a toddler whose drunk, lazy mom cut her hair with rusty pruning shears (or whose mom really hates her and wants her to get made fun of at school). First Emma Watson got baby bangs, and now Emma Roberts is out there looking like a Vulcan-ized white Cleopatra. Baby bangs: it’s an emmademic!
Emma’s on-and-off-again fiancé/boyfriend/whatever Evan Peters was nominated for Best Actor in a Movie/Miniseries (for American Horror Story: Cult) at last night’s Critics’ Choice Awards. Evan may have lost to Ewan McGregor for Fargo, but his fiancée/girlfriend/whatever unofficially won an award For Most Tragic Fringe Job thanks to that American Horror Story: Bangs shit terrorizing her forehead. Maybe Emma was feeling charitable last night and wanted to give her haters some easy ammunition by doing her hair like the Queen of the Trash People?
It’s obvious that Emma’s bangs are of the clip-on kind, and so I feel sorry for the bottomless hula girl doll whose grass skirt was stolen from her and slapped on Emma’s head. But if Emma really did do that to her hair for real, I shouldn’t make fun of her. I mean, it’s better that she’s fucking up her bangs instead of fucking up her boyfriend.
The trailer for American Horror Story: Cult dropped yesterday, and, no, it wasn’t just a film of Hillary Clinton’s supporters sipping a giant vat of Sleepy-Tea to slumber on through the next four years. Instead, that shit begins in Michigan on Election Night 2016. You know, that state everyone knew HRC had on lock, so she didn’t even bother to visit. Welp, we know how that turned out: HORRIBLE. Thus, Ryan Murphy knew nothing would be spookier reliving that shit. Only, he could make it spookier…WITH CLOWNS!
American Horror Story victims Evan Peters and Emma Roberts are reportedly once more betrothed. These
might actually be crazy kids are the very definition of on-again/off-again. “Are we engaged this minute?” Evan asks Emma, who usually responds by allegedly biting him.