If ever Prince Andrew needed a reassuring pat on the back while crying into mummy’s bosom it’s today as further details about his involvement in the Jeffrey Epstein scandal have been revealed. Sadly, Mummy’s miles away in Quoronaqueentine (™) and if we’re being honest, has always been slightly repulsed by Andrew’s unmanly neediness (allegedly). According to The Guardian, newly unsealed court documents pertaining to Virginia Giuffre’s 2015 civil defamation case against the currently incarcerated Ghislaine Maxwell and prematurely deceased Jeffrey allege that Andrew “tried to lobby the US on behalf of Epstein to help secure a ‘favourable plea arrangement.’” Say what you will about Andrew, anybody who’s willing to put their neck out for you like that then fly 3,000 miles to break up with you in person— that’s a good ass friend. Talk about #friendgoals, even if Jeffrey was allegedly blackmailing him.
According to The Guardian, the documents reveal that Jeffrey allegedly forced Virginia “to have sex with him” (that’s how you have to type it if somebody has revoked the “r” and “p” from your keyboard) in order to “gather incriminating material” on him.
The papers released by a court in New York say the alleged encounter took place on the late US financier’s private island in the US Virgin Islands. A document claims Epstein instructed the girl, referred to as Jane Doe #3, but known to be Virginia Roberts Giuffre, to “give the prince whatever he demanded and report back to him on the details of the sexual abuse”.
Epstein allegedly sexually trafficked the girl to powerful people to “ingratiate himself with them for business, personal, political and financial gain, as well as to obtain potential blackmail information”. They included “numerous prominent American politicians, powerful business executives, foreign presidents, a well-known prime minister, and other world leaders.”
The papers, part of prior litigation, also contain the claim that Andrew tried to lobby the US on behalf of Epstein to help secure a “favourable plea arrangement”.
Lawyers for two other alleged victims in the 2015 civil case, referred to as Jane Doe #1 and #2, requested the release of documents showing the alleged lobbying by the Prince.
They are seeking “documents regarding Epstein’s lobbying efforts to persuade the government to give him a more favourable plea arrangement and/or non-prosecution agreement, including efforts on his behalf by Prince Andrew and the former Harvard law professor Alan Dershowitz”.
You know what, I’m starting to get the sneaking suspicion that Jeffrey and Andrew’s friendship was somewhat less wholesome than Andrew would have us believe. But I’m probably being paranoid. Andrew did say he was appalled, didn’t know anything, doesn’t know her, barely knows that other one, has fat fingers, couldn’t sweat, and was definitely at Pizza Express in Woking the whole time (do you know how many free pies he has on his PE punch card? So many). And what proof do we have that he wasn’t? Evidently, none whatsoever because it was destroyed. No, not his PE punch card, thank God! According to the Daily Mail, the police records that might have corroborated his whereabouts on one of the occasions Virginia claims she was raped by him have been destroyed.
Police records that could make or break Prince Andrew’s alibi for the night he is alleged to have had sex with a sex-trafficked teenager have been destroyed.
Scotland Yard made the admission to a former Royal protection officer who told The Mail on Sunday he believed Andrew may have returned to Buckingham Palace in the early hours of March 11, 2001.
In his infamous Newsnight interview last November, the Duke of York insisted he had spent that night at Sunninghill Park, Berkshire, with his children, having earlier dropped off Princess Beatrice at a Pizza Express in Woking, Surrey, for a party.
Back in February, the Royal guard in question asked Scotland Yard for his duty roster for that date, claiming he remembers Andrew being brought to Buckingham Palace because he “yelled at the guards on duty,” according to Town and Country. The Daily Mail says the anonymous guard was finally informed that “Retention and Disposal Policy states that Duty Records and Annual Leave records are only held for 2 years” and was told “there is no information the Commissioner is required to supply you.” Therefore, Andrew’s been proved 100% innocent, and if anybody tries to question his alibi again he can submit his PE punch card good for 2 medium cheese pizzas to the court. Now you tell me, would a guilty man give up a hard-earned prize like that so easily?!?!