Category: Dolly Parton
Open Post: Hosted By Jimmy Fallon Claiming He Saw Jeff Bezos Say “Who’s Your Daddy?” To Alexa
Before multi-billionaire Jeff Bezos and his shady wonk-eye stirred cautious excitement in the hearts and bladders of beleaguered Amazon warehouse workers everywhere by announcing they were both stepping down as CEO, The Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon had attended a house party where he claimed to have witnessed Jeff speaking provocatively to his own creepy, invasive invention, Alexa. 2021, no one asked for this.
Dolly Parton Turned Down The Presidential Medal Of Freedom From Donald Trump TWICE!
Dolly Parton is truly amazing. Not only have her philanthropic efforts led to creating a vaccine for coronavirus, but the Queen of Country has also done plenty of other work to better society. She’s run Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library literacy program since 1995, which has donated more than 100 million children’s books. And just a few years ago in 2016, the Dollywood Foundation donated $1,000 a month to several hundred East Tennessee families who lost their homes during wildfires. She’s an angel in every sense of the word and in her Christmas movie, Dolly Parton’s Christmas On The Square, she was literally one.
So of course being an iconic do-gooder got her attention from important people. Such as former (thank God) President Donald Trump who tried to give her the Presidential Medal of Freedom twice but she turned that bitch down. Now she may be in the running for the medal once more from President Joe Biden, but Dolly doesn’t want to “play politics” by accepting. Counterpoint: Dolly Parton is above politics and everything else and is an ethereal creature of hope who can do no wrong. So take the medal!
Open Post: Hosted By Guardian Angel Dolly Parton Saving Her Co-Star From Being Hit By A Car
74-year-old Dolly Parton can add another title to her already extensive resume including universal treasure, country legend, glamour icon, and COVID savior. She’s also a child-saver. CNN says that on the set of her latest flick, Dolly Parton’s Christmas On The Square, she saved the life of her 9-year-old co-star, Talia Hill, when she pulled her out of the way of a car. How have we not cloned Dolly Parton yet? Her DNA is clearly superior.
Dolly Parton Offered RuPaul Some Light Reading
What more is there to say about the woman who is arguably our greatest living American that hasn’t already been said? Dolly Parton‘s talented— duh. Hard-working— without a doubt. Stunning to behold— you bet your sweet ass. Generous and kind to everyone she meets— of course, but if your face is busted, she’s gonna let you know. And that’s just what she did, in the Dollyiest possible way, to RuPaul while he was interviewing her over Zoom for Marie Claire. Don’t fuck with Dolly, she hasn’t given away 150 million books to children without knowing her way around the mother-fucking library, okurrr. And Dolly’s library opens at 3:00 AM every damn day and stays open LATE.
Happy Thanksgiving From Earth Angel Dolly Parton!
The pandemic-era Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade happened today, and honestly, they should’ve just brought out the iconic duo Spider-Man tossing Uncle Sam’s salad and called it a day since 2020 can eat all of our unwashed asses. But the socially-distanced show went on and featured non-kicking Rockettes, lip-synching woes, a performance from the Midwestern Rent known as Jagged Little Pill, and a trio of legends: THEE Dolly Parton, THEE Darlene Love, and THEE Patti LaBelle!
Dolly Parton Helped Fund Moderna’s COVID Vaccine
The only celebrity I ever want to see suggested for President ever again is Dolly Parton. The Queen of Country, Camp, Agelessness, Songwriting, Glamour, Big Hair, Big Boobs, Comedic Bravery, High Heels, Breathing, Walking & Everything Else has also become Queen of T-Cells and cured coronavirus! That’s right people, Moderna’s coronavirus vaccine became a thing, partly thanks to a $1 million donation from Dolly Parton herself. Leave it to Dolly Parton to save us all.